this was awesome, as we don't see the whole, "Peer Pressure" thing so much at Hogwarts, and this shows that it's just any other school.
oooh Steph. you never fail to amaze me. I'd never really cared about Hannah Abbot before...but now...you can have my shoes any day, Hannah! yay Luna for being so nice... and Steph for being so awesome. 10/10. There's a guy at my school with a sign that says 'free hugs'...hmmmm...
Author's Response: OH man I'd so HUG that kid! And heeeeee onm the shoes comment ♥!
One word -
Author's Response: *dies laughing*
gah.. I wrote a really long awesome review especially for you and it logged me out!!
Anyway, paraphrasing my lost review, love this, love luna, love how you write bitchy characters, love how you have a new story every few weeks, i submitted a story that i think will be accepted (knock on wood) and i have given up on the Saga as it will never be accepted.
um.. yeah, that was it. grr... im still cut about the logging out business...
i'll ctrl-c this so i wont loose it this time
Author's Response: Oh, Kali! That happens to me all the time and I'm like *angry* A new story every few weeks :D Well, that might cease to happen as year 11 gets thicker. Your ESPECIALLY know how that is :D
*sighs* wow. I actually have seen that video before, but it never even crossed my mind to write a fic about it. That is so perfect, so beautiful, that it just...I don't know. I can't even describe it. /sappy review
Author's Response: it's a wonderful video! And thank you so much for your praise, this fic means a lot to me :)
-squishes SPEW buddy like whoa-
I don’t know why I’ve never read anything by you before, dear Steph. This was wonderful! I enjoyed it very much. -nods-
One of the things that really jumps out at me in this fic is the Hufflepuffs. I read something a while back about how Hufflepuff could really be the worst house for “leftovers” because they’re so close-knit that outsiders aren’t welcome. I think that’s portrayed incredibly well here. It’s even difficult for a Hufflepuff to fit in with the Hufflepuffs. How sad, but how true it can be at the same time. And then, because Hannah ends up being friends with Luna instead, it just sort of shoves everything back in the Hufflepuffs’ faces. Take that, mean girls! -skips off with Luna and Hanna-
This fic does an excellent job conveying the things that teenagers (girls especially) go through on a social level. It’s so easy to relate to, because I think we’ve all been there. We’ve been Luna, or we’ve been Hannah, or maybe we’ve even been Megan. I felt the dialogue was really well done in this, also. Dialogue tends to be something I have trouble with, but yours flowed nicely. It felt like a group of teenage girls talking. I think this was one of my favorite bits: ‘Does it matter?’ Hannah asks, gasping and biting back the need to flee as the words escape her mouth and she sees Megan glare. It’s simple, but still very effective. It’s basically what every girl wonders, isn’t it? Does it matter if I’m pretty enough, or smart enough, or funny enough, or rich enough? That Hannah is addressing it here is great. Kudos to Hannah for finally standing up for herself.
I love Luna’s character in this. I think it’s really appropriate that she’s the one thinking people are all just the same, because she seems like the only one who doesn’t conform in some way. And it’s cute the way she twirls her hair at the beginning; that seems like something she would do. The beginning of this fic works very well as being centered around Luna – there’s not a lot of dialogue, it’s mostly observation. That’s what Luna does, observes. And then once we start to look at Hannah and the other girls more, that’s when the dialogue comes in.
On a constructive note, I noticed some tense changes throughout this. For the most part, this is in the present tense, but there are places where you shift. She barged through the door with a queer expression on her face, and Luna saw, somewhat sadly, that she looked like she was in the verge of tears. That sentence, for example, is completely in the past tense, where it should be in the present. Aside from that, though, everything seemed fine. I love the shoes bit; that was really great. Hannah taking off her shoes and giving them to Megan was like…sticking it to the man. How nice. :D
So. I thought this was an excellent little fic, and I hope to read more from you in the future. -squishes again-
Author's Response: Guh, SPEW buddy, I’m using word because I don’t want to stuff this up :)
I’m so glad you picked that up about the Hufflepuffs! I know from experience the “outlaws” really don’t have anything in common apart from the fact that they’re different… and they’re ALL too different from each other :). So squee for picking that up!
The issue of being oneself is really important to me, especially when I wrote that, and it means SO much that you commented on it. Amazingly so. That’s all I’ll say.
Oh. Right. Did I mention my tense sucks? *zips in to change*
And, pssh. Yeah mate :D rejecting regulation leather school shoes is so sticking it to the man!
Beautifully done, Steph. On one hand, it’s a simple story about a girl struggling to become herself. On the other hand, you have written it with such delicacy and lovely truth that it is a great deal more.
Interesting to invent a full character from a name. I like that you used Megan, because it gives her that much more credibility – we don’t know anything about her, so there’s nothing for you to contradict!
It’s a confusing her, the hurt, full of anger and resentment, entirely of herself.
I think the “a” is extra – I’m not sure exactly how the “entirely of herself” works. Is she angry at herself? Is it directed at her?
She can’t deny it doesn’t hurt though, when she flaunts her wealth and people mock her indifferently.
Mmmph. Ouch. The price of being true to yourself. Sometimes, all you have to hold you up is pride in the knowledge that you are right, but it can’t quite take the hurt away.
Luna’s a great observer and so objective, yet so compassionate at the same time. She doesn’t judge, but she doesn’t waffle either. She looks at things with such a different viewpoint that it’s startling, but once you get over the shock, you instantly know that she sees truly. You have done very well in portraying her voice here.
While Megan’s hair graces her shoulders in elegant ringlets that brush against dark, curly eyelashes, Hannah’s hair hangs limply, freed from its usual pony tails, and what appears to be dark circles under her eyes is in fact makeup, and on first looking, Luna sees the haunted eyes beneath the black smudges in a poor imitation of Megan’s natural grace.
I really like this part. It’s a good visual of one girl struggling to be who she’s not, and it isn’t good for her. I’m slightly confused, though – “on first looking” – does that mean at first or second glance? And the last sentence sort of blurs the circles under Hannah’s eyes with Megan’s grace – it’s just a bit muddy.
incase Megan is watching.
“In case” is two words.
People’s criticism kills Hannah, it physically hurts her inside.
This is probably true for all people, but no one admits it out loud. Because that admits vulnerability. Because it’s more room for pain. Hannah is so real here; it’s so right for her to say this in the depths of her heart, but she’d never say it out loud.
Is there something special about the shoes Hannah was originally wearing? Were they Megan’s? I like the symbolism of Hannah taking off her shoes and wearing Luna’s, but I’m not certain of why they’re important to start with.
Wonderful. This review ought to be longer, but I’m struggling to pick out elements I liked because they’re so well integrated, and I’m struggling with picking out phrases because if I put in everything I liked, you’d just have the whole thing again! So I’ll leave by saying that the ending is…climactic, with the confrontation, but the real, more powerful part, is when Hannah sits on the opposite side of the room from Megan. The confrontation was necessary, and painful, but it might take more strength to stay on that path. I love how you show that Hannah is already taking her first steps that way. Brava!
Author's Response: Thank you for the crti dear, I'll get ot that when time permits. heart for that.
I find that the more I write what I want to really write, the more I appreciate the comments left by my SPEW darlings. They're really well thought out, and I really love your reviews, Katie. They're always so complimentary and SO nice, so thank you very very much for them.
I think Luna must be one of my absolute favorite characters. I love the way she never seems to care how other people see her...Her strength is impressive...
You did a wonderful job with this.
Author's Response: Thank you :) I put a lot of thought into this, even though it was a spur of the moment sort of thing. Thank you for your review!
that was really cool. luna is so strong that it is a little ridiculous when you think that other people can feel better about themselves by making fun of her. i liked the insight on characters we don't normally see. well-written emotions, too!
Author's Response: I think that even though we hate ourselves for it afterwards, we all want to bring someone down to our level when we've been picked on, just so we know we're not alone in it ♥ thanks for the review!