This poem is absolutely fantastic.
I love it so so much. It really brings the pictures to your head and makes you feel like your with him.
Please carry on writing I absolutely loved this poem.
I like reading poetry sometimes, and I'm glad I found yours.
You did a great job potraying Sirius in here. His hopelessness and anger felt very real. Sirius' stay at Azkaban is a great subject for a dark poem, and I don't think this poem would have worked as well if written from the POV of a different character.
The tone was perfect. The despair and hopelessness of it fit Sirius's story perfectly. He had such a horrible life since the Potters' death, and you can see how horrible it was for him. After reading, I feel a bit sad and hopeless myself, which shows how powerful it is.
Under the curse of his own taunts,
He curled up on the floor.
Demons appeared to push him down
Until he fought no more.
Farewell, to strength; forget courage!
It faded and soon died
And his righteous spirit did emit
A shrill, anguished cry.
These two stanzas together was my favorite part of the poem. The image you get here – of Sirius slowly decaying and losing himself in Azkaban – is powerful. The language fits with the mood perfectly; it’s simple and complex at the same time. I got chills after reading this.
The rhythm was great; it flowed very nicely when I read it out loud. The rhyme was good except for once. In the third stanza, the rhyme of "sleepin’" and "weaken’d" doesn't sound right; it was a bit stretched here. For most of it, the ends of the second and fourth lines rhymed nicely, so this stanza felt out of place.
Overall, I enjoyed this poem. I don't usually read a lot about Sirius, and this was a nice change.
Wow. You should know how much I dislike poems, Laura, so reading this is a step. :] Saying that, I loved this poem. I think you portrayed Sirius’ stay in Azkaban very well. It is very hard to attempt to penetrate his mind and try to figure what he was thinking but I think you’ve got his spirit down-packed. Good job with that.
As I’ve said, I don’t know much about poems but there were a few times that the meter seemed off just a tad.
So a mighty sword, he did own
To slain the cunning snake.
Facing the fiend, he cried: Be gone!
Hope from fear he did make.
This stanza kind of throws the reader off a bit, though. My initial thought was “he doesn’t own a sword…” and I immediately thought of Gryffindor’s sword. But, I’m guessing you meant him knowing that he was innocent was the “sword” or weapon he used to escape. He wasn’t going to lament because he wasn’t guilty.
Overall, very well done, Laura!
Great ballad! It flows very well, for the most part. I think the meter was off in a few spots, but this meter is really hard to get a hang of! More important than the meter, though, is the tone, and I think you've captured Sirius's spirit very well, which can be a daunting task, so congratulations!
Good luck in the challenge! :)