Ohmygosh this was just amazing. I really liked how you took an idea I would've never thought to write about (Hufflepuff and Slytherin?) and used it to make such a sweet poem.
And the way you described them was great:
So here we are, best friends, once lovers,
So here we are, different from others,
Green and yellow, cunning and true.
You were always a snake, slipping away,
I was forever a badger, trying to help you stay,
That was so genius! (does that make sense?) So creative and poetic, the whole thing is great.
I also like how you wrote the first two stanzas, by describing them with colors. Just pure genius. So yah... this poem is awesome. AMAZING job.
Author's Response: Wow! Sorry I haven't replyed, I had retired from MNFF for a while, but now I'm back! Thank you so much, I really appreciate the lovely comments - I'm so glad you liked it!
What the- *looks down at other review* How could I leave such a review? With no constructive stuff? Sorry, sorry...start over...
I remember that I had one problem with this...a minor problem, don't worry...ah, here it is!
Your shocked but sweet smile mad me melt,
Should 'mad' be 'made'? Just a minor typo error.
In a few places your beat was a little muddled, but I think it is better that way because when you think about it, when someone is sad because their lover left them why would they write perfect poetry? Who writes perfect poetry, anyway? No one can...though you are pretty damn close. (Am I allowed to say that?)
Okay, don't feel like I bashing your poem or something, I mean, those are the most minor mistakes in the book, so your poem is still amazing and wonderful and awesome. Don't worry. I just wanted to offer some concrit criticism so you didn't feel like I was just...doing nothing, or something.
Parts I like a LOT:
I hated you,
I loved you,
I wanted you,
I could’ve killed you,
I needed you,
I didn’t understand you,
I loved you.
I just suggest that you put an ellipses (...) after 'understand you', because I think it is better to have a longer pause there. If you disagree that's fine - it is your poem, right? Right.
I’m waiting for you Salazar…
Oh...my...god...that is the most perfect ending this poem could have! Wow! I love it!
Okay, I'm pretty much reviewed out...
~Tyger, tyger, burning bright - Euphrates
Author's Response: Thanks - I didn't notice the error, I'll fox them now. THANKS SO MCUH AGAIN! :)
Author's Response: I mean fix. Honestly, I'm making a lot of errors now!
Wow. So much emotion! Just amazing, and great job rhyming. The feelings you portrayed were deep and meaningful and amazing and just...wow. Wonderful. You did a really good job on this one.
~Tyger, tyger, burning bright - Euphrates
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
