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Name: red haired mom (Signed) · Date: 07/07/07 23:45 · For: Chapter 11: Deeper In A Hole
Ginny showing off a crumbling pitch was really funny. On the one hand she is so proud of it and the team sheís put together, but on the other, everyone is looking around in dismay at the conditions. Bringing back a character from so far earlier was a really good touch. It was a nice nod to Harry as a Quidditch Ďscoutí when he helped her pick a great team in school.
The apology to Dennis, typical Ron, trying to ignore and pretend. But he finally did it and got a big surprise for his trouble. Dennis already knew he was going to do it and wanted the ice cream that was supposed to follow. I really like the fact that you had Dennis hug him back and tell Ron he loved him. When family members are in law enforcement, you get used to the fact that sometimes they are needed elsewhere. I can understand Dennisí reaction to the mirror Ďcallí from Ronís pocket.
The regular at the scene seems to be made of better stuff than some of the others going by the reaction heís getting from Ron. I like the fact that you are using words like forensic. Even in the magical world, forensics is useful. The description of the fissure created by the magic, was very well done, and the description of Eton was extraordinary. The imagery used brought the picture into my mind very clearly.
I write these reviews as I am reading the chapter, and in the next paragraph after I wrote the last sentence, you used the word imagery. Weird.
Slightly convenient, having the address filled in the blank and just sitting in the pocket, donít ya think? Nice of Ron to tell Adam not to try to take on the Nightshade by himself. Knowing what he and Harry had dealt with in the cathedral, there was no telling what they could run into there at the farmhouse.
Poor Adam scared out of his mind by the creepy guy in the field. Ron and Harry have faced a lot of things in their lives and Adam needs to realize that no matter what, they do what needs to be done.
The Wall giving them a way to prove the Aurors arenít corrupt, by giving them a fellow Auror to save from drowning? But then to put a maze in place, absolutely amazing. At least it isnít more dragons. Twenty minutes to navigate the maze and free Priscilla, not impossible, but also not probable either. She hears the word Nightshade and immediately panics. Of course if all of your friends and colleagues were dropping like flies around you just because of the job they had, I think Iíd be scared too. The Ďsluggishí part does seem to be cheating on the side of the Nightshade, but then again, he wanted his faith to be challenged by extraordinary men. I donít think they couldíve made it to her anyway. The Nightshade wanted her dead and the way to do it and strike out at Ron, Harry and Adam was to let them think they could reach her in time. Particularly cruel on his part, but then I am of the opinion that no matter what they say, they are pure evil. How else could they be doing this without any remorse that allows the mistakes that would get them caught?
I started reading this chapter this morning, but we went out-of-town for the day. I got home about an hour ago and decided to finish this and actually post the review before something else came up and distracted me. You have done a wonderful job and I was on the edge of my seat throughout the entire chapter. I hope you are able to get a few chapters written in the shut down, so when it comes back up, you can post one after another. You know how much I am enjoying this story and the waiting in between chapters, while understandable, is murder. I canít wait to see where you take the characters and by extension, us, next. See you at the next chapter whenever you can get it posted.
P.S. Were you serious about not reading the DH until you finished this story? You have way more willpower than I do if you were.

Author's Response: I am serious that I may not get around to DH until this story is done. It's not willpower necessarily so much as that I think I have gotten so engrossed in the telling of this story that the canonical story is not as important to me anymore. I'm sure some may be mortified to learn this, but I can't lie about it. And now on to the running commentary which I found rather amusing. I knew early on that I was going to use Ginny as comedic relief here and there throughout the story, and I'm glad that is working to some effect. Though I must warn you, from here on in there will be far fewer instances where we get to take a break, which I'm hoping this chapter stands to signify. As for brining Paul back, I think in an earlier response I made the claim that even my extras and obscure characters are people that I tend to develop to a certain degree, I think it strengthens the overall story, so with Paul, this was just such a case. This wasn't just someone who had a walk on role in a couple chapters in Part II, but you know a person one who was greatly influenced by both Ginny and Harry, and we see that reflected now all these years later. He'll probably make another appearance in the next fic as well. As for Ron and Dennis, I have a particular fondness for their relationship, what we have seen so far and what is to come in the future. They are very very different people, often disagree, and even more often find that they embarass each other or do not connect, but underlying all that tension, they are father and son, and love each other intensely, and that was ultimately what I really wanted to show here. The Regular is, again, another extra that you know, i wanted him to stand out. Having spent ten years in the military, I've known a lot of people like that, daimonds in the rough who are just steps away from really being seen as great people but are just off by a little bit, and that was sort of what I wanted to display here. I suppose this is a direct corrolation to how I try to investigate the human being in my writing. I created this character that was really so far out of the range when it comes to particularly this kind of genre. A lot of his description is similar to what we see of Snape; his physical appearance is not just unfortunate, but due to disregard to his own hygiene, it's self inflicted, and often times we see that this kind of description is used to describe ultimately negative characters, but I wanted to show a juxtaposition here, and turn the old archetypes on their head. You know? As for forensics, that's a bit of deus ex machina on my part, as I really didn't have the time or patience or geekiness to go through and magically theorize everything down to a science, so I just came up with this, and it makes sense. There has to be some sort of magical science in crime solving when you think about it because not every villain in the magical world is going to be easily traced by the usage of the Dark Mark and Avada Kedavra. So there you go. Crap, gotta go, will finish this response hopefully later today!

Author's Response: Okay, if I can't finish now, then I'm just gonna call it quits and apologize. You bring up an interesting point, and one that will remain a mystery for now until much later in the story. Is the Wall truly repentant? Or is he merely particularly cruel in giving the Auror's a glimmer of hope? I wanted the answer to that to be particularly vague, and unfair, but this raises another question. What image does he see as extraordinary? what is the Master capable of that the Wall is willing to "cheat"? Finally, and this is the thing. Writing has gone much slower, and one of the reasons I'm waiting until after the break to post is my normally tight schedule has been really hindered by work. See, normally I work swing shift unsupervised, which allows me to partake in my various endeavors. My boss doesn't particularly care what I do so long as the work gets done, but I still don't like doing stuff while she is here. So, it's going to be a struggle getting ahead of the curve, particularly since during this chapter I wrote myself out of the already vague structure I had established in my notes, so now not only do I have to do the writing which always takes time, but I now have to kind of rework what I was planning, it's going to be tough, but I'll do my best to at least have something ready to put in the queue the moment they bring it back up! Thank you so much, and I'm sorry I make you wait!

Name: astro_wizkid (Signed) · Date: 07/07/07 13:00 · For: Chapter 11: Deeper In A Hole
you said this was an acceptable chapter? it was extremely well written and the maze part was extordinary! it's interesting to see that there is come disagreements within the nightshade orginazation...i wonder if the master will hear about the wall's act of trechory (for if ron, harry and adam did succeed, the wall character would have fought against the master....) so i'm definatly looking foward to that in the upcomming chapters! i expecially like the fater/son momemt between ron and dennis @ the quidditch stad at the beginning of the chapter...ron's realization that his son is not a carbon copy of him (ie his interests and such) i feel is a momumental step in ron's character development...and hermione's reaction is both expected and definatly within canon(if such a scene were to occur!) definatly can't wait to read more and i definatly can't wait till Deathly Hallows comes out! great work and keep it comming!

Author's Response: You know, probably one of the most valuable things I get from reviews is that readers often think about things in the story that I don't necessarily think about. Lots of this is because since I know the beginning middle and end for the most part, the bigger details anyway, it shuts me out from experiencing the story in a real time sort of way. This is how I am envisioning your remark about the consequence's of the Wall's opinion, something I have not really planned on delving into. Funnily enough, the Ron and Dennis scene is the result of such reviews for the chapter entitled In Memoria. I had never given much thought to a resolution of the interaction between Ron and Dennis, but I remember some reviewers expressing their wishes to see that concluded. And so I opted to do so here, and in truth, that was the natural thing to do I suppose. And yeah, I think it is a monumental step in his character development, but also a very natural one that I think any responsible parent has to come to. Our kids won't turn out to be just like us, nor will they necessarily go to fulfill the dreams we have established for them. A big hurdle I think a minority of parents have to overcome is coping with this. Anyway, thank you very much, and hopefully by the time you have Deathly Hallows all done and finished I'll be ready for the next installment of this story!

Name: Igo Retla (Signed) · Date: 07/07/07 9:58 · For: Chapter 11: Deeper In A Hole
I didn't know that aluminum rusted. :D

Little slip:

"...wanted to do was bury Eric alive,", should be Edgar, I believe.

Only had time to read that far, will be back later. Thanks!

Author's Response: DAMN! With aluminum, I don't think it does, not being a ferrous material and all, but still, there's a possibility. I mean, I have seen rusted beer and soda cans I think... but now I can't be sure.. . Ah damn it all, same goes with the slip. When I get a chance I'll fix it thanks.

Name: Ginzig (Signed) · Date: 07/06/07 22:27 · For: Chapter 11: Deeper In A Hole
That was a spell binding chapter! Wonderfully written, as always! I have to say, your descriptions of everything are very well done; I have no problem imagining them in my head which I think helps add to the excitement and adventure of the story. So close to reaching Priscilla in time. But isn't that so much like life, so close yet so far? Loved it!

Author's Response: Heya! Thank you so very much and I am glad you thought so very highly of the chapter. Yeah, you know, this being the first time that we see our main characters presented with such a task, I was hoping that the fact that Priscilla wouldn't make it wouldn't be obvious. I know for sure that I can not pull that stunt again. But anyway, again, thank you and see ya for the next one!

Name: Silver Whisper (Signed) · Date: 07/03/07 1:28 · For: Chapter 10: Brothers

Sorry i havnt reviewed your new chapter yet, i have been so busy....i just accepted a second job so now im working something like....45 - 50 hours a week.....

Anyway, im quitting one of them really soon, so i should be alright.

ANYWAY getting on with the review....LOVED IT! i am so intrigued by the Ratbone brothers...so yeah, it was nice to hear some info on them...although i found it shocking and almosts scary that Rathius killed a Dementor....i mean...WOW!

I also liked the interaction with Ginny, its nice to see her, and yes, i think its time for you to fluff up the story abit, it needs a little warm fuzzies, just because the readers need to breathe abit and know that for atleast one chapterthe characters aregoing to be safe.


okay, catn wait till next chapter, Love Sarah.

Author's Response: Hey Sarah! Yeah, long time no read, but glad you got over here to review this one. Sorry about the massive work schedule, but as you say it's only temporary. Yeah, I get no end of fun writing the Ratbones, and the Companion piece that will follow this one will be largely centered around them (and the kids), so if you are really into Rath and Ras, you'll definitely love that one. But I find it interesting that you were shocked about Rath killing a Dementor, I mean, I first brought that up in chapter 7 of Part II. But then, that's Rath. A whole lot of firepower in that man, there is (wait til you read the chapter that chronicles when Voldemort tried to recruit him in the next story, I have that thing almost completely written out in my head). And I'm going to agree with you when it comes to Ginny and the light hearted bit. Considering the fact that from the next chapter on, this story is going to get pretty heavy pretty fast, we should enjoy the good times while they last, shouldn't we? The next chapter, well, I'm about half way through it. Obviously I don't like it, but then I'm getting pretty damn used to that. But you know, just so that people don't think I've forgotten about the story, yeah, I'm still writing, and, you know, I think it's about time we were introduced to another Nightshade, don't you? Yes, most definitely. Thanks again.

Name: Rabidwallaby (Signed) · Date: 07/02/07 19:04 · For: Prologue: Severatum
I don't usually comment on most of the fics I read BUT I just wanted to give praise where it is due. Your stories have not only managed to capture the light of the original HP chars but have also added new people that than are not only unique but highly enjoyable. The way that you define the surroundings and chars in your stories says alot about not only your style but also your intelligence, I hope that one day you will move on from fan fic and do a story that is all your own.You have a talent that can't be learned but is highly sought after and I hope to one day read something that is 100% you. Congratulations on some truly spectacular stories and please keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I sometimes do get people who tell me that they've never reviewed, and, you know, it's no small honor to be the first to get them to come out of the woodwork and get them to comment on something (if only my political writing was as successful!). When it comes to character creation, you know, it's, kinda like scenery, and ambience. You can spend all the time in the world describing an item, or the setting, but then if you have random people who have no personality, then the whole thing falls flat all the same. So it's important to me that even characters who have only one or two scenes still have that depth to them. I guess in this story, Tony would be a great example of that, and perhaps Edgar Eton, or Billy Biddicombe. They aren't characters per se as much as part of the scenery for the rest of the story, but It's still important to give them personalities and substance. I think if I can get you to believe someone like Tony, that when he's not in the story, he's still out there living a life, and taking care of his daughter then that's just good writing. And while I approach characters like settings, I approach settings like characters. Again, to give the story life and color, the place where it takes place at has to have the feel you want it to have. Ron and Harry's office is comforting and familiar. The dreaded new Department of Mysteries is likewise sterile and monolithic, which in a way reflects how Ron feels about Hermione's work. Biddicombe's home, I wanted that to be a kind of extension of the man himself; old and well worn, dark and hollow when Ron and Harry first enter it to investigate his death, much like the man himself then was. With the cathedral, I described it constantly like a beast as a kind of projection of the Beast himself. Partly this was kind of a cheap trick to build tension until we see Ron and Harry actually confront the Nightshade. So in this way everything is interconnected, and you have no idea how big of a relief it is to no longer be writing in Hogwarts for the last two stories too. Within the halls of the castle, I felt truly limited, restricted by remaining true to the canonical structure, but now that i'm out, and so much time has passed, I'm free to create whatever building I want, whatever characters I need, and it really just opened up the possibilities. I do intend to start writing a book within the next couple of years, though whether it be fiction or non fiction, I've not a clue yet. I always thought fiction would be easier, but as it turns out, it's not. Non fiction you make an argument, and prove it, fiction, you have to create, and yet not let yourself go beyond belief, so I've no idea really. If you are that interested, you can go to commentsfromleftfield.com. I'm on hiatus right now as for the next few weeks my work schedule is going to make it incredibly difficult for me to write politics, but following that, I usually write about ten to fifteen articles a day. If you dig politics, you may wanna show. Anyway, thank you so much, I truly appreciate it, and hopefully I'll have the next chapter up before the Deathly Hallows comes out!

Name: KneazleWeazl (Signed) · Date: 07/01/07 21:30 · For: Chapter 10: Brothers
i know you're busy and stuff but something just kinda struck me the other day. i was looking through some old lit notes and i remembered my teacher talking about how authors do everything for a reason. and then i started to think about this, and the title. Nightshades. NIGHTshades. I'm probably very cold on this one but i was just thinking, you know NIGHTshades. could that have anything to do with Rassmussen? Or another vampire or creature of the night? One of the things besides the obvious that got me thinking about that was that the killer, when they chose the victim, they would always leave some clue and whatever the name of that clue was would always be present in the name of the next victim. but then i thought it couldn't be Rasmussen because Tonks was murdered in daylight, but that doesn't mean he couldn't have associates. I don't know, but I know how you just LOVE to hear my theories so i thought i might as well share it with you and up your review count while I'm at it.

Author's Response: Dead honest with you, I just liked Nightshades as a title and stuff. Appropriately creepy and all. I do love your theories, and in all actuality, i still have that email I gotta get around to answering, and i will, I swear, I just need two minutes of time to rub together. No, I will admit that to some degree, the selection of nightshades was almost completely cosmetic. thank you for upping the review count though!

Name: merlindbeard (Signed) · Date: 06/30/07 3:48 · For: Chapter 10: Brothers
Oh you're good, this was brilliant once again . I am really glad that you are finally pleased and happy with what youve written because I know that when I am not happy with something I've done, no matter how many people tell me how wonderfull it is it just doesnt sit right, and I get the feeling that you are the same in this respect.
These brothers have me completly confused and the more I read about them the more confused I get (this is good). Sorry this is such a short review but I am witting this while making jam(jelly) for my daughters school fayre next week and if I dont get back to it Merlin only knows what I'll end up with!
See you next time Becky

Author's Response: Hey Becky. Thank you, and yeah, i am kinda that way. Lots of praise and a refusal to actually go back and reread my work has a tendancy to change that feeling thought. Anyways, here's an interesting thing, and it just shows, I suppose, the differenc ein perspective between you, the reader, and me the writer. I am not in the slightest bit confused by the Rath and Ras's relationship. it is somewhat complex, but then my lack of confusion is pretty easy to grasp when you think that, hey I was the one that made it up, wasn't I? No, it's really just, okay you have this prodigy, you know one of those rare one of a kinds, and you have a rather normal, only above average younger brother. But at the same time, there are certain things that Rathius lacks, certain emotional, social handicaps, and so, Rasmussen fills that need. I do plan on exploring it a lot more, so don't you worry overmuch about that. thank you again, and yeah, see ya next time.

Name: Igo Retla (Signed) · Date: 06/29/07 21:03 · For: Chapter 10: Brothers
Thanks again, GR. I'm not forgetting you--on the verge of Harry and Jo's birthdays. :D

Author's Response: heh, no worries man. Let it do what it's gonna do.

Name: whats in a name (Signed) · Date: 06/29/07 11:02 · For: Chapter 10: Brothers
i Love this story!
its fantastic
i cryed when tonks died, and thats no mean feat. please up date soon

Author's Response: Aw, thank you. Well I'll try, but I can't guarantee soon. I've had a hard time finding the time to write, but I hope to finish the next chapter this week, let's see how well that goes.

Name: theunit1016 (Signed) · Date: 06/22/07 22:43 · For: Chapter 10: Brothers
i finally caught up...and it sucks. i want to keep reading.

Author's Response: hehehe.. I'm very flattered. I wish I could say I update faster, but I tend to be rather busy, and I do try to take my time... Hopefully you'll stick with us to the end despite how slow I can be to update! Thank you, and see ya at the next chappie!

Name: MartinD (Signed) · Date: 06/22/07 10:39 · For: Chapter 10: Brothers
Excellent chapter, I love these 2 brothers, they really an odd couple but I think that Rath is definitely one of the best non canon characters created. Can't wait for the next chapter (don't wait so long!!).

Author's Response: ACK! After months of not losing a response due to time out, I friggin forgot to select all and copy, and have therefore lost a huge response for you. Okay, quick version. I'm glad you like the brothers and Rath, and all I can say is that I hope you remember that come October when it comes time to nominate best original charcter for the Quicksilver Quills! And I'm sorry that it takes so long, but I try not to rush and I'm very busy. Thank you so much and see ya for the next chappie!

Name: Diamond Quill (Signed) · Date: 06/22/07 4:09 · For: Chapter 9: In Memoria
I hate leaving reviews for these sort of chapters. They're so much harder to comment on than the funny/thrilling ones. But then I suppose that's what happens with death in RL as well isn't it? Noone ever really knows what to say to someone who's suffered a loss and the words they do come out with always fall so short of the mark. All I can say, well, is that you got it right. Completely and perfectly right. From the funeral to Ron raging at Dennis and then his next morning revelations (I skipped out the bit in between). It brought back so many memories for me personally of times when I've had to deal with death (which considering I'm still at school has been quite often) and you captured the raw pain and anger so well. It's something which is so hard to comprehend and deal with that you end up shouting and screaming at other people just in an attempt to make yourself feel more real. This chapter was excellent, I listened to My Immortal like you said, which has always had an incredibly powerful effect on me as it was the song I listened to most after I last suffered a loss. It fitted well and the scene with Anna made me go all teary. [/uncomfortable awkward review]
Hope to see you again when I (and the story) are feeling a lot happier.

Author's Response: ah... I'm sorry, and I'm not, and I always have a hard time responding to reviews like this if it makes you feel better. I mean, what can I say? While the rest of the chapter was rather easy to write, the funeral was tough. Tough from beginning to end. And I rewrote it at least twice. But I'm glad I got it right. I've not really experienced grief like this, not in this context, but I think I understand it a little, so it was doable. And what I really did like was that while this was largely about Ron and his emotions, you realy got to see the measure of so man characters from the perifory. and I think that made it real too. You know, not just the words, but the actions of secondary characters, and then RON's reaction to that. That is what made it real to me anyway. Thank you again! Hope you are feeling better, and hope to hear again from you soon. If it makes youfeel better, the next chapter is a rather fun one I think staring Rathius and Rasmussen!

Name: Diamond Quill (Signed) · Date: 06/22/07 3:45 · For: Chapter 8: Tempus Fugit
No! No no no no no no no no no no NO! How COULD you?! NOOOOOO!!!!! I don't believe it. She's alive isn't she? She better be alive! I can't believe you just killed off TONKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's Response: No, she's gone, and in my arc, stays gone. I'm sorry. Though, this was the reaction I was going for, so thank you for that. But yeah, she's not coming back.

Name: Diamond Quill (Signed) · Date: 06/22/07 3:20 · For: Chapter 6: The Beast
This chapter was so cleverly written. I guess it was intentional (because it was too cool to be unintentional) that you kept using similies on EVERYTHING to make it sound like some sort of animal. Haven't got enough time to pull out quotes yet but there were about four times in the story where I jumped and was all 'oh it's the beast that the chapter is named after!!!' only to find it was lump of grass or something. Very clever technique as it kept the reader going on edge, waiting for the beast.

Second half of the chapter had a very cinematic quality to it- something I've found quite a lot with you writing- it's always very visual.

I read your comments about DH and I'm pleased you're not going to attempt to rush out the last chapters to fit with canon. I hope you don't lose readers because of it though because that would really be a shame. I was going to attempt to finish my chapter fic to fit with DH but I gave up on that as soon as I realised writing seven chapters (and having them validated) was just not going to be possible before July the 21st.
Anyway, this was good, looking forward to reading the rest and hope they get even better.

p.s- the timeout seems to have got even worse on this site than I remember it? I can't even write a paragraph without being cut off!

Author's Response: I dunno. About the time out, I mean. I just got to the point where I cope. The only time I don't copy my response is if I get a short review that I really only just say "thanks" for. not that this is something I worry about with you reviewing. Okay. let's see. Ah, the beast imagery. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can imagine how much fun I had writing this one, the first half all build up, all suspense, all just really trying what I could to get you as anxious as I could (I wonder if anyone saw Rathius flying by? he does, you know.) And then BOOM! and we've talked about the cinematic quality, and I think it just has to do with my approach to writing, and how I put myself in a director's seat. yeah, DH, I'm not worried about it. Right now I hope my stories kinda stand on their own two feet now, and hopefully I won't hemmorhage too many readers when it comes out. besides, I imagine they'll come back. FINALLY I WONT BE COMPETING WITH JK ROWLING ANYMORE!!! ONCE HER BOOK IS OUT AND READ, HER READERS ARE MINE! ALL MINE!!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! oh... erm... right, so yeah I just hope enough people stay interested, and ignore the story no longer being in canon! Thanks, and I only got about four more reviews to respond to from you, so I'll just move on to those, shall I?

Name: theunit1016 (Signed) · Date: 06/22/07 0:21 · For: Chapter 5: Infinitialus Locusio
I really like how you named Harry's kid Tom. BAsically everyone has him named James, but naming him after Riddle, which I'm assuming you did, makes a lot of sense with the way this story begins.

Author's Response: thank you so much. yeah... that was exactly it. I'm still debating on writing the scene when they finally decide on Tom for the next story. We'll have to see. Thanks a lot, I appreciate it. Considering how often I've been lambasted for choosing Tom, it's nice to get some support too!

Name: wishingforthehallows (Signed) · Date: 06/21/07 23:37 · For: Chapter 10: Brothers
I just wanted to say how much I enjoy your stories. They are among the most intelligently written stories on this site (something I very much appreciate). I epecially love the Ratbone brothers, and desperately envy their knowledge. There is one thing I must know though... how in the world do you kill a dementor? I must know!

Author's Response: Thank you, and a very good and interesting question indeed. You know what? I don't know. I imagine Dementors are living creatures and therefore subject to several forms of attack. What I do know is that by the time Rath took his NEWTs at the age of fifteen, he was already far more advanced than many wizards ever get to be (including one or two of the younger members of the NEWT board). So even if he was shocked by being confronted by the dementor (which at that time would have been possible. He didn't start honing his deduction skills until after that... that's to say before his NEWTs he largely ignored current events) he would still be rather well equipped to take the thing on toe to toe without a Patronus. Further, I would suspect that he would still have a rather good grasp on what would be particularly effective on Dementors (probably something fire based, if we are to take Dumbledore's words for fact regarding creatures of the dark). But here's one last thing about the Dementors. Look at the effect they have on Harry. Harry's experienced some really bad memories, so they have a particularly powerful effect on him. While Rathius has no happy memories to conjure a patronus with, he also has no sorrow that Dementors can torment him with. He can stand in the midst of a Dementor as easily as he could a nice warm sunny day. And wow, I'm really glad you asked it because that really gave me a chance to think it through some. But no, I'm thinking he used a very powerful fire spell which would have resulted in the thing suffering a very painful death. Thank you again.

Name: Kabob (Signed) · Date: 06/21/07 22:09 · For: Chapter 10: Brothers
Itís high time I wrote a review on here! Iíve been reading your stories for quite a while now, and the most reviews Iíve been able to muster is two; no, thatís not two throughout this story, two throughout every single one of your stories! Iím sorry :( Thereís really no excuse for that, even if I do claim to be ďbusyĒ.

Anyways, Iíve just got to mention that your writing style has reallyÖ evolved, if thatís the right word to use. Iíve adored all your stories, but now that I look back at some of your earlier ones, youíve really found your groove, so to speak. Youíre nailing characterization as always, but now it seems like, I donít know, like your writing just flows naturally or something. Okay, I admit it, I canít pinpoint what youíve improved on, but youíve gotten better, which is saying a lot.

Oh okay, for example, now this isnít criticism, but at times during your earlier stories, even on occasion in the first two Epilogues, there seemed to be a great deal of melodrama during some scenes, but now your writing seems to flow naturally; it never seems like you force a scene. The scene with Dennis and Ron, and the whole funeral itself, was done perfectly. Again, Iím not saying your older writing is bad, which it isnít, Iím just saying youíve somehow managed to improve on writing thatís already impressive.

Now I want to muse on some of the plot details! First, Iíd like to note something I thought about. Rathius not having the ability to feel is in a way similar to Dennisí lack of emotions. It doesnít seem like Dennis is like Rathius, but they do share that characteristic to some extent.

Also, Iíve been doing some uhhÖ ďresearchĒ into your stories, trying to pry some information here and there. Iím not really trying to solve the mystery you have going on here, but I couldnít help but wonder about the identity of the Master. I hope Iím not giving away any of your surprises if Iím right with my musings.

Okay, so in chapter 7 of Epilogues part II, I came across this, ďHis older brother had been missing for years, and his younger brother died a few years before, suspected to have been poisoned by Death Eaters.Ē Lupin is talking about Rathiusí brothers here. By the way, I find it cool how you mentioned how Rasmussen died so far back, when itís in this chapter that we actually get to look at it.

Now then, where has this older brother of Rathius gone off to? I think either you forgot about him (which doesnít seem too likely), you will mention him later, or heís exactly who I think he is! I could be wrong though. Iíve got one more piece of evidence which helps my theory, but I wonít mention it. Once again, I hope I didnít ruin anything youíve got planned :|

Keep up the excellent work, but donít rush yourself! Iíve rambled on for far too long, and Iíve got a business report due next Wednesday; lousy business class and its stupidityÖ bitter much? Anyways, take care and good luck! Iíll try to be more consistent and write reviews more often.

Author's Response: Hey, Bobak! How can I forget you? Sure, you only wrote two reviews prior to this, but they were both incredibly long reviews, and very much enjoyed (and bobak as a name, not exactly easilyforgotten either). so thank you for this one as well. And thank you kindly for the compliment about the evolution, and know that anything critical you say of my previous stories is perfectly fine, and probably true. I have gotten the evolution comment a lot, which I like because it means I'm improving, and not sitting here with the same level of skill as I had when I wrote Right Here. I attribute this evolution in to probably two things. The first is that in the first stories I was intentionally attempting to sound something like JK Rowling. I was attempting to adopt another author's voice, but as the story went from kind of dabble in her world to more a creation of my own, the voice became more of my own. This last part of the Epilogues I actually consider to be only loosely affiliated with the Harry Potter stories. the other thing about the evolution is just practice, time. I've been writing fanfiction for a little over a year now, and I've taken up my political writing. So I'm spending upwards of ten hours a day writing sometimes, and so you just get so much more comfortable with the process doing that. So I think that is a big part of it too. A final part is also possibly because this is, as I've mentioned, the story I WANTED to tell from the beginning of the Epilogues. This is the one that I wanted to write, so I think I'm getting in there and having more fun. Even the transition chapters in this story are much more fun than those of say Part II. Okay, moving on. I am impressed you make the connection between Dennis and Rathius. For those who might be worried, Dennis does feel emotion, but there is more than a little similarity between he and the Necromancer, and it is important, though for what reason, I cannot yet say. And wow, you did some research. Officially, I can neither confirm nor deny that bit of research you did about Rathius' older brother (though the other bit you say you found, i'm curious about and if you don't mind emailing it to me, I would love to know what you are referring to) but, I'm sorry. The thing is with the older brother, I think that was... Well, okay, if you read enough reviews for this story, and part II, you'll frequently see reviews like "I can't wait to see where you go with this plot point or that plot point," and it really kind of points to probably a weakness I have as an author. I guess it's plot discipline. Often times I'll write something that is not particularly significan to me, but someone else will pick up on it, and next thing you know, I'm finding myself wondering how the hell I ended up with a loose thread? Rath's older brother is like that. I had a point to him at the time I wrote it, I'm having a hard time remembering now though. I think part of it might have been in the run up towards Rathius getting approached by the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix... man I wish I could remember, but I had a point to it. yeah, but I believe that that Ratbone is long since dead now. Hell, i can't even remember the name I gave him anymore. Anyway, thank you so much, and I'll try and get the next one up as soon as my schedule allows.

Name: Diamond Quill (Signed) · Date: 06/21/07 11:42 · For: Chapter 5: Infinitialus Locusio
*collective gasp*
Wow that was unexpected. Good thing the next chapter is there for me to go and read. I liked this chapter, characterisation was good and I liked the little mention on Simon. I was very intrigued about the peanut patty- will that little tidbit ever be solved?
I'm sorry I haven't been reviewing for ages- have been doing my exams for the last week and revising for about a month and a half. Only one more exam to go and then I am FREE!!!! Are you planning on completing the fic before DH is released? How many more chapters are there? See you at the next chapter!

Author's Response: Heya! Well now, who am I to think ill of someone who is taking tests instead of reading my stories. So long as you come back after the exams, no harm, no foul! Actually, I should probably get around to going to school and getting my degree. Might be worth something someday, you know? Anyway. Yes, the peanut patty will be solved. In fact, it has been solved. Two stories ago! (Now would be a good time to go read the Simon Jacob's conversation in chapter four of Part I, the chapter entitled "Conversations With Dead People". And look at that, one mystery of part III has been solved! See, nice guy over here! As for your other question, no, I will not be finishing this before Deathly Hallows comes out, there's simply absolutely no way I could pull that off. Even further, and I know this might actually break some people's brains, I may not read it until I'm done writing this. Even more brain breakage, I'm actually not all that excited about it. I wasn't excited for book six to come out, but that was largely because I didn't like book five until after I read six. But I liked six, so one would think that I was desperately anxious for the final installment, but I'm officially at the, "eh" stage. Sure, I kinda wanna know what happens, but a quick five minutes on the internet a few weeks after the release, and I'll know the basic gist. Of course I'm sure that once I've read it I'll like it, I'm just curiously not obsessed with it right now. Very weird. Plus it's a little sad as I'm also sure that my stories are now only weeks away from being horrendously out of canon. Ah well. You know, it's kinda funny, I really almost don't think of these stories as offshoots anymore. Which, I guess is good. Hopefully it makes me a better story teller anyway. Anyway, so no, I won't be done by the time Deathly Hallows rolls around, and considering this is the review for chapter five, assuming you don't read anymore chapters before reading this response, you'll have about seventeen more chapters to go according to the little notebook I have some notes scribbled in. Well, thank you immensely, and hope to read another review from you soon.

Name: astro_wizkid (Signed) · Date: 06/20/07 22:49 · For: Chapter 10: Brothers
don't cringe on my account due to my spelling errors! lol! just to let you know, I'm horrible at spelling so correct away! (even though I do type all of my reviews in word before posting them, there is always one or two that slip through!) great work and you should really try to read something by William Bell. Since youíre into political writings, you should really check out Forbidden City, that and No Signature, great novels.

Author's Response: eh... dinnae worry about it... I actually mentioned it more along the lines of I was kinda wondering if there was a specific reason why you kept spelling the name like that? Did you come up with a nickname that I was failing to understand? Anyway, yeah, me too, we all get grammar errors, and you want to see me really cringe? To make sure I stay in canon with myself, I sometimes have to go back and reread parts of my stories, and if I catch an error that I missed before posting, man that just really kinda gets me going. But then, I won't fix it because if you try and edit in the text box in the system here, it does something VERY whacky to the formatting (you'll notice this. A couple of times the offense was so huge I was willing to risk the format, so if you see a chapter where the paragraphs are way far apart, that's why). So a lot of the time I jus tlearn tolive with it. William Bell huh? I really wish I had the time. My wife's friend gave me a book when she visited because I had turned her onto a book that she adored. That was months ago and it's still in the trunk of my car. I mean, I actually have publishers send me advanced copies of books so I can review them for my web site, and this last one, which has honestly been the most fascinating book I've read from them yet, I have just finished reading a week late because I'm so busy lately. Although... I just had a thought. I'll see if they don't have books from these people published through the publisher I've been working with. If they do, I'll be able to get the books for FREE! Hmmmm... yes... I like it. But, you should know all bets are off if this one book about the political campaigns from Reagan and Yeltsin is finally made available to me and I just realized that I am way off the reservation at this point. Thanks for the second review, and catch ya later.

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