MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: evilgummibear (Signed) · Date: 12/19/08 20:52 · For: Chapter 10 -- Inappropriate
I'm so glad you updated! I'm really enjoying the story and can't wait to see what happens next!!!

Name: moonstargazer (Signed) · Date: 12/08/08 23:23 · For: Chapter 1 -- Unforgivable
Oooohhh!! This looks like a great one! Woo-Hoo! Can't wait to read more.
Minerva seems to share a simuliar relationship with her sister that Lily shared with her sister Petunia.
TIt's going to be interesting, reading this version of 'Prizoner of Azkaban.

Name: Sirius Girl 08 (Signed) · Date: 03/25/08 15:38 · For: Chapter 7 -- Guilty Conscience
Hello! I've just found this story and I wanted to say that I really like it :-) You're doing a really good job with it. Just one very tiny thing that I noticed in this chapter was this bit:

"Muggle village of Dovetown"

The village that they say Sirius is sighted in in the movie is a real place called 'Dufftown' which is about an hour away from where I live. I don't know if you deliberately made up 'Dovetown' or if it was suppose to be 'Dufftown' as per the movie so thought I would mention it. I suppose I only noticed it because I live so close to Dufftown LOL :-)

Keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing the rest :-)


Author's Response: Lol. My American ears thought she said "Dovetown" in the movie. Thanks for the tip; I'll go fix it now. :)

Name: lovely_witch (Signed) · Date: 09/06/07 13:34 · For: Chapter 8 -- Absolutely Bloody Insane
He is a bit rash isn't he? Stupid of him, he knows she loves him.

Author's Response: After considerable thinking about it, I concluded that spending 12 years in Azkaban, where he was not permitted to feel any emotions, left Sirius unable to control himself once he could feel them again. Besides, he always was pretty stupid when it came to Theresa and Severus.

Name: lovely_witch (Signed) · Date: 09/06/07 12:23 · For: Chapter 7 -- Guilty Conscience
Ooooh, that's just so sweet!

Name: lovely_witch (Signed) · Date: 09/06/07 11:36 · For: Chapter 6 -- Help is Always Given
Haha, I didn't mean that I liked the parts from the third book the best, I just meant that you don't go completely AU, and just forget about everything. By putting the little things in it just feels like this is part of the third book that we didn't get to read.

Name: lovely_witch (Signed) · Date: 09/06/07 11:01 · For: Chapter 5 -- Inhalus
OMG he doesn't remember her?!?!?! That's so upsetting!

Name: lovely_witch (Signed) · Date: 09/05/07 20:47 · For: Chapter 4 -- Theresa Black
I love, love, love how you incorporate the book into your story. It's like AU but not. I think we've totally already had this discusion, but I just had to say it again.

Author's Response: I find it amusing that I go to all this trouble to write original stuff, and everybody's favorite passage is the one that's 85% plagiarized from the book. Lol. Really, though, thanks for the kudos.

Name: lovely_witch (Signed) · Date: 09/05/07 18:08 · For: Chapter 3 -- Lost Dog
I love this fic! It just makes so much sense. I've never understood how Sirius couldn't have a significant other, considering that J.K. always said he'd been a lady killer at Hogwarts. You're story just makes sense, you know?

Name: lovely_witch (Signed) · Date: 09/05/07 17:47 · For: Chapter 2 -- Fugitives
Oh, I'm glad Snape has friends. I've always had a soft spot for him, even before DH came out. All my friends thought I was nuts, but I guess I was right eh?

Name: HedwigsChristie (Signed) · Date: 09/05/07 12:01 · For: Chapter 8 -- Absolutely Bloody Insane
Brilliant chapter can't wait for more.
Kepp up the good work; (hehe corny)

Name: lovely_witch (Signed) · Date: 09/04/07 22:12 · For: Chapter 1 -- Unforgivable
I really like this. It doesn't actually seem AU at all, or extra character, I don't really know what the classification is.

Author's Response: I've had trouble classifying it, too. I wish there was a category for canon-period fics that center on the adult characters. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though!

Name: MorganRay (Signed) · Date: 09/03/07 14:11 · For: Chapter 6 -- Help is Always Given
I thought it was sweet when Snape stroked Theresa’s head. It’s nice to see Snape care about someone without him being sappy. Also, I liked the tiff between Dumbledore and Theresa. It rather reminded me of how Harry reacts to Dumbledore during OotP. I’m still impressed about how in character everyone is, and I’m doubly impressed because Snape is not just the antagonist in this story, but he’s still believable as Snape.

However, I don’t think your plot is lacking either. How did Sirius loose his memory of Theresa? What did Theresa do? How many of the rumors about her are true?

Why had Sirius hurt


There’s a gap here, so you might want to go back and fix it. Also, at the end of the same paragraph, you forgot a period.

Oh! So Theresa is Harry’s godmother. I guess I should have guessed that might be the case, but it was a good turn of events anyway. I am really liking this story, and I can’t wait to reader the remainder of this fic.

Author's Response: I don't think enough people argue with Dumbledore. He's a great man, and all, but nobody agrees with everybody all the time. Besides, Theresa's so hot-headed, she argues with everybody. I fixed the gap there; thanks for pointing that out. I have the hardest time with the formatting on Mugglenet, for some reason.

Name: MorganRay (Signed) · Date: 09/03/07 13:53 · For: Chapter 5 -- Inhalus
“Don’t expect me to defend you if you get mobbed,” he sneered.

I loved this line. Once again, Snape is so in character, and this line seems like something Snape could have said in the books.

It was nice to finally see the sisters face to face. It was a very tense moment, and although that Quidditch scene wasn’t canon, it worked rather well in this story. I also say I giggled a little bit at the thought of Snape cooking. I don’t know why, because cooking is a science, and potions is a science, but imagining Snape as a chef was remotely amusing.

Also, the little things in this story, like the Chameleon Cloak and the Look-The-Other-Way-Charm, add something extra to your plot. You haven’t overwhelmed the reader with new things, but you’ve added things to make this story more interesting.

Oh! Big plot twist! Sirius apparently doesn’t know his wife. That’s interesting. I liked their encounter, and it only got better when I realized he didn’t know her.

Author's Response: I work really hard to keep Snape in character. He's so hard to write! One of my policies is that if there's a negative way to say something, that's how he phrases it. And you're right, I think cooking is just like potions, and I picture him being just as serious about it. :)

Name: MorganRay (Signed) · Date: 09/03/07 13:35 · For: Chapter 4 -- Theresa Black
“My sister was blessed with a charming nature, Potter. She has fooled wizards much less trusting than you are. It's how she gets along in the world."

This quote seemed like something McGonagall would say. I am very impressed with how in character everyone is in this story.

By having everyone distrust Theresa, but by setting up your story so Harry and the reader like her, you’ve created a strong sense of irony and suspense. Now, the reader knows that she’s married to Sirius and what Sirius has been blamed of doing, but Harry still has no idea. You used this early part in PoA, where Harry is still I the dark, to your advantage to craft this story. Also, the reader can relate to Harry’s conflict about Theresa because she seems like a good person, but is she really? Us potter fans like to trust Professor McGonagall, but is she wrong about this?

The action scene in the forest was very well written. It showed that you also have a great hand on description, even though most of the story has been dialogue or internal monologue driven. Also, I liked how you included the Hippogriff’s so early.

"Many, Severus, each of them as unlikely as the next."

With Theresa in this story, this line takes on a new meaning. I loved how you remade this scene.

Name: MorganRay (Signed) · Date: 09/02/07 18:26 · For: Chapter 3 -- Lost Dog
I thought the photograph of Snape and Theresa was very cute. Snape actually keeping that photograph shows that he really cared about Theresa, and because he bailed her out of prison, he obviously still cares about her somewhat. But I still wonder how she went from Snape to Sirius so quickly because they’re polar opposites.

I also liked Theresa’s internal monologue at the bus station. The internal monologue didn’t feel forced or cheesy, but it felt deep and personal, and I thought I understood Theresa a lot more after reading this. You answered a lot of questions about what Theresa did and why she did what she did. It’s become clear that she’s an adventurous person, but she’s also the kind of person that wants something stable because she’s unstable. Also, when Theresa cried, it showed how much she had liked Sirius because she’s come across as a very strong person thus far in the story.

Author's Response: I hope that Chapter 8 will help you understand more about Theresa and Sirius' relationship. There's still more to reveal, of course, and I'm not sure you'll get the whole picture in this story. You may have to wait for the sequel.

Name: MorganRay (Signed) · Date: 09/02/07 18:00 · For: Chapter 2 -- Fugitives
So, this story really does turn AU at the beginning of this second chapter. I thought Harry seemed very in character, but he did trust Theresa very quickly. However, I didn’t think this was very OCC for Harry. When Theresa mentioned Harry’s dad and Hagrid, Harry was reassured. Throughout the series, especially early in the series like around the time of PoA, Harry does trust people who knew his parents very easily. And, because Theresa is McGonagall’s sister, I think that gave Harry another added reason to trust her.

Oh, so Theresa is married to Sirius. (Sorry if I missed reading the summary!) However, there was a lot of irony with the fact that Harry has NO IDEA what Theresa means when she says that Harry’s dad and her husband hung around with each other a lot. You create the dramatic irony of the reader knowing that Sirius is Harry’s dad’s friend and his godfather without Harry knowing yet, and Theresa can talk about ‘her husband and Harry’s dad’ as much as she wants and Harry is none the wiser.

The scene where Theresa gets arrested is very well written. You string out the suspense while giving us answers. This is also when Harry becomes distrustful of Theresa, and that was such a drastic turn of events from how much Harry had been trusting Theresa moments before. Also, I thought Harry was very in character during his questioning, too. Harry tends to trust people too much, and that applies double to people whom Harry maybe shouldn’t trust, so I liked how he still defended Theresa.

I was really excited when Snape came because I wanted to see how Snape acted around Theresa because you’ve hinted that she was a friend of sorts to Snape because of the graveyard scene, but she’s married to Sirius. I was surprised that Snape’s dislike for Sirius didn’t apply to his apparent wife, too.

Name: MorganRay (Signed) · Date: 09/02/07 17:21 · For: Chapter 1 -- Unforgivable
The intro car scene was interesting, and it left me wondering where it was going. The scene wasn’t too descriptive, but at the same time, I felt you developed some mystery about your girl. I felt that the mystery about your girl continued when she was in her vault, but she was nervous, so that suggested something was wrong.

The school grounds hadn’t changed much [delete comma] in all the years since she’d last been here. Every part of it seemed to remind her of her fond years here, which where sadly the best of her life. The walk from the front gate to the castle door wasn’t really that long, but between her stomach twitching and her brain jumping from one memory to another, it seemed to take forever.

I liked how you shed some ‘light’ on your character in this paragraph, but there were just some technical problems. None of them were major, but these simple changes, like swapping ‘stomach’ and ‘twitching’ helps your sentences flow better.

When I read her name, I just went ‘Oh!’ Is she McGonagall’s daughter? I sure felt she was because her scrutinizing of the car seemed like something professor McGonagall would do. I also liked how you introduced Hagrid. It was an amusing scene, but it also helped to introduce your character.

I gasped again when I realized she was Professor McGonagall’s sister. So, she is like McGonagall because she is related, but by suggesting that Minerva wanted to declare her dead, you hint at family discord. Even though their sisters, you’ve also opened up the room for these two girls to be specifically different. What really intrigued me about the Hagrid/Theresa scene was when Theresa thought that no one else in Britain would be hospitable to her. What did she do?

I like how much mystery is in this first chapter of the story. You’ve hinted that Theresa has done something, has been away for twelve years, and is morning Eglantine Prince. All I have to say is that this creates such an urge for the reader to keep going because one wants to know how all of it connects.

And then, you introduce Remus. And what caught me off guard was when you had Theresa ask for forgiveness, and then, you had Remus refuse to forgive her. I just thought, ‘What could this girl have done?!?’ I was already hooked, but this scene increased the mystery of this story tenfold.

And then, the biggest mystery of all is who she must denounce. However, I have this sneaking suspicion that Sirius is implied as someone who had something going on with Theresa.

Name: Hectate (Signed) · Date: 08/22/07 22:02 · For: Chapter 7 -- Guilty Conscience
I thouroughly think that this fiction deserves more reviews. Or if not reviews per se then people reading it. Excellent Charectirazation. Have always wondered about the Gap of who Harry's godmother was. It didn't seem like that h'd have a god father but not a mother. Or that Sirius didn't have a significant girlfriend. i shall be recommending this fiction to friends. Please keep writing

Author's Response: Thank you -- I'm very flattered. Especially since I seem to be outside your OTP, judging by your favorites list.

Name: HedwigsChristie (Signed) · Date: 08/09/07 12:54 · For: Chapter 7 -- Guilty Conscience
Great action, and so sweet that all she wants is her husband back.
Can't wait for the next update

Author's Response: Theresa's desires are very simple...it's accomplishing them that seems to be complicated...

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