The beginning scene was just beautiful. I loved the fact that Percy was there -- and yet still distant -- from the Weasley family. The image was particularly heartbreaking and lovely all at once, and it was a GREAT start to the story.
You truly made me love Penelope in this piece. I've always thought of her as a strong, smart girl -- you really pulled that together for me here and just made me BELIEVE that she would be the one to make Percy see sense and come back to his family.
I never really believed that she would spurn him for long. *giggles* Thank you for keeping them together. You've made me into a Percy/Penelope shipper, my dear! As surprising as that is, considering I don't like Percy. >.<
One critical comment before I end: I feel like your characterization of Percy was a tad off. We're missing the OCD, nitpicky, snotty canon!him in this story, which makes him nearly seem unreal to me. While, yes, it's understandable that he's been humbled and changed since canon last encountered him, I think I still need a little of the annoying!prat!Percy somewhere in this story to make me truly believe it's him. ;)
To finish, your final scene was just gorgeous. Solemnity combined with strength - a muted practicality. It's not the impassionated cries of love, it's just a declaration that's honest and simple. There are no sweeping kisses, just a holding fo hands (that means so much more). It's this sort of subtle simplicity that I really love that you've created with this pairing, especially.
Brilliant job! Thank you for the great read!
I love the second sentence about Percy calling himself a Grade A, non-tradable fool. I think that the fact that he is trying to be humorous but the Ministry still manages to push itself in there is just wonderful! :)
To tell the truth, I don’t see Percy as the middle sibling – he has two older brothers, three younger brothers and one younger sister. However, I do agree about him feeling that he didn’t do anything “outstanding” for the family. I do think, though, that he is a little “emo” about that subject – I think that he should have heard Mrs. Wealsey’s praise for him (i.e. you should take a leaf from Percy’s book) or how happy she was when he became Prefect or Head Boy.
I am a little frightened, however, at his apparent lust for respect and praise. If I were Penelope, I would be a little scared about that side of him – it makes me think that if she made one too many of either disrespectful or derogatory remarks about him (whether or not it was in jest) he could fly off the handle.
Finally, I love the fact that he wrote a whole letter to Penelope that could help her make an “informed” decision. I think that alone shows how much he loves her.
Wonderful Percy/Penelope! Actually, it’s my favorite! :)
Wow. Just… Wow.
I’m amazed. This is utterly different than the normal characterization a person sees of Percy Weasley, and I must say I’m very impressed. You took a person who seemed to be a traitorous, self-centered, pompous jerk and showed WHY he seemed like that. Not only that, though, you took it a step further. You showed that he felt sorry for seeming like he does, how he wishes he could take it all back. And I’m absolutely amazed.
In this one-shot, you showed an incredible amount of development of the relationship between Percy and Penelope. You showed how they felt about each other, how Percy apologized for the actions that made Penelope think badly of him, and how they felt about each other after. You took their relationship from rock-bottom and raised it up so that is has the potential to soar in the sky. Your charictarization was perfect, while being just far away enough from the standard characters that you could tell that you had made the characters your own.
You have an amazing writing ability. Please keep writing! I’d love to see more of your Percy.
Percy/Penelope. We don’t see much of them in the books, or in the fanfic world.
It’s a wonderful story, equating her to his saviour, because in a way, that is true. He needs someone to put him in line and tell him that he was being a fool not talking to his family, and she does that. He’s too arrogant, and has too much pride to actually go and do that himself.
Percy seems very in character and I like how the letter shows a side of him not shown in the books. He probably did feel a bit overshadowed and out of place in his family. His hair was different, he was different. He probably did like being praised, because in his family he probably felt like he didn’t get much attention because what he has done, someone else in the family has done before him.
The rain is a symbol of renewal. It is, and I love the rain too. And I love how it is in the rain that Percy sort of realises he has things wrong, and so he writes the letter to Penelope and fixes things.
‘A man who would walk away from his family in the middle of a war. How easily your loyalties are swayed — and for what? The promise of a promotion? Would you leave a wife — a child — for the same price?’
Very true, that is how Percy was. I love how everyone is so in character. ^^
“I will hold your hand,” she said solemnly, and they both understood that there would be no delay.
He does need someone to hold his hand in this, he doesn’t want to feel alone. I like how again, this shows another side of Percy that is vulnerable and even a bit afraid.
My favourite bit in this chapter would have to be the letter. It really shows a side of Percy we don’t see in the books and justifies his actions quite plausibly.
It’s not too fluffy, and I absolutely loved it. :)
Oh, that was so satisfying! I’m just sighing in pleasure right now. Guh. Very nice.
I must admit, I’ve never liked Percy, but that may have something to do with being extremely sympathetic toward a certain black-haired, green-eyed protagonist. But you have certainly changed my mind! Percy was so REAL, so believable as a person in this story. You explained his feelings and motives in such a sympathetic way. I really identified with his character as you portrayed him … and maybe I fell in love with him just a teensy bit … shh. Don’t tell Penelope!
I love that the ending isn’t too fluffy – no kissing here! And while it’s hopeful, Percy and Penelope are about to go brave the Weasley clan on Christmas Day. That’s a scary thought! I think that’s my favourite thing about this fic. Percy and Penelope not only laid down their pride to forgive each other, but they are willing to go through uncomfortable situations to be together. That is just … guh. *sigh* I want a Percy!
While I really enjoyed the characterisation and the way you re-interpreted canon events, I would have liked to see the Pride and Prejudice theme hidden just a bit more. I honestly don’t know how that would work. And maybe I’m just being stupid here, because it’s obvious that you wanted to draw from that book. You certainly did a much better job of it than anyone else I’ve seen, even published authors, so I suppose I should just shut my mouth.
Also, I found Penelope’s forgiveness a tad hasty. I love their dialogue, and this is written from Percy’s perspective, so I don’t know how this would work, but I found myself wishing to see Penelope struggle with her feelings a little more.
Speaking of Percy’s POV … I truly enjoyed reading from a male mind, especially when it comes to romance. His longing to see her, his almost-but-not-quite touching her, his aching to hold her and kiss her, his complete astonishment at Penelope’s feelings … were all just … Gah! Perfect! Made me squee! Made me want someone to look at me like that! And the letter! Wow. Fabulous. It made perfect sense, all of it. I love that he HAD to explain himself to her. *sigh* Very, very well done, all of it!
This is so interesting! I've never read a Percy/Penelope, and never really thought of Penelope as a character. She seems perfect, though, as if this is how she really is in the books.
I think that Percy and Penelope act very well together and seem very compatible, and you characterized them both amazingly. (Is this a surprise? Hehe.) I like how Penelope notices the faults in Percy when his parents look upon him in such glowing admiration. The only thing about this that I felt strange was that Percy says in his letter that he was not particularily loved in his family. Percy seems to be the favourite in the Weasley family, before he betrayed them.
I love how they both realize they're fools, and it's great to hear their dialogue, which is very entertaining. The idea of a letter was also very original and I really enjoyed reading it. It was also written in a very Percy-like fashion. Very well done!
I’ve been looking for a well-written Percy centric story, and today I have found one. You portray Percy as someone real and human, who makes mistakes and has a difficult time dealing with the consequences of them. I love how you show his courage throughout the story, from going to Penelope in the beginning to agreeing to reconcile with his family at the end. This was an excellent and accurate perception of him. You show the courage and devotion I think the canon Percy really has, and you displayed it so well.
I really liked how you started the story with Percy looking in the window at his family. It was a good way to familiarize readers with the status on the war, Percy’s feelings towards his family, and the overall mood of the story. The way you wrote it was subtle and creative, while still getting the point across. From this beginning paragraph, I could already tell this story was very promising, and it kept my interest.
Percy’s and Penelope’s reactions to the rain were perfect. Percy sees the rain as a disturbance, while Penelope obstinately argues and insists that the rain is a symbol of renewal. She speaks of it in such a beautiful way, and it’s as if you’re showing us so much imagery is such simple dialogue. This was one of my favourite parts of the story.
Penelope’s doubt of Percy’s loyalty was something that made the story all the more real. She didn’t just leap into his arms, completely understanding his actions, and agreeing to marry him even though he’s proved to not necessarily be loyal to the people he cares about. She distrusted him at first, just as anyone would when they saw someone they loved and trusted about basically betray their family. Her reasons for not being able to trust him were totally justified and realistic.
Percy’s explanations in the letter for why he chose to believe the Ministry over his family was a great speculation for why he’s made such decisions in canon. Percy was always the Weasley who seemed to be the black sheep of the family. While the rest of his family is laid back and more focused on having a good time with one another, Percy is more uptight and focused on his future and his career. His need for the feelings of praise he used to get from Penelope was a great look as to why he worked so hard and tried to please so many people at the Ministry. I’m glad you had him realise his mistakes in the end. Well done!
I found several nitpicks throughout the story…
The cold ground and frosted grass crunched beneath his feet, as he passed the Burrow.
I believe the comma in this sentence is redundant.
They were celebrating, but they’re celebrations were solemn.
‘They’re’ should be ‘their’.
“Oh, look at that,” Percy said grimly, “Raining on Christmas. How perfectly abysmal.”
I think there should be a period instead of a comma after ‘grimly’, though that could be debatable.
All my love,
I would take out the period here. Percy doesn’t use one after his signature in a letter, according to the letter he wrote to Ron in the fifth book.
This one-shot was an amazing look at Percy’s character as well as the reasons for his actions. The way you show Penelope as stubborn, yet still forgiving really added to her personality. I liked how she sort of compromised with Percy in the end, and agreed to go with him as he went to resolve things with his family. You bring so much life and trueness to canon characters, making them so easy to identify with and understand. This was a fantastically written look at the Percy/Penelope pairing.
This story has bewitched me, body and soul. It’s just simply lovely.
I like the opening of this story in that it sets up Percy perfectly for the reader. Percy may have acted like a complete git, but he’s still a person and you ease us into his skin. It’s not a skin the reader is used to, but you make it easier for them to understand it.
The image you painted for Penelope in Percy’s mind is very interesting. Everything good, every opportunity for redemption, hangs on Penelope. It’s such a bittersweet notion and endears Percy more to the reader. “His hope for renewal drew him to her.” I love that.
Penelope is so unique in this story. She’s toneless with Percy, and then she’s passionate and stubborn about the rain. (And, ps, you know I love rain.)
Bwahaha! And then, as if this story wasn’t already pretty good, it all of a sudden intensifies in greatness. Percy is hesitant to touch her cheek, yet he yearns to, and I so want him to in that moment, but he really can’t and gah and you just wrote it so well! The end of that scene is just ... There aren’t quite words. It just FEELS as perfect as that one scene in that one movie that is my favorite. Again, you wrote this parting moment between Percy and Penelope perfectly. There’s still so much of that longing.
Percy’s letter is perfect. The opening line is perfect. Really, it just is. There is Percy, laid out for all the world to see if they were to read this letter, but more importanly, he’s open and honest for the person for whom he cares most, and that’s a scary thing.
And then their reunion. Guh. It’s absolutely ...
His head pounded with the reality, and every sense felt heightened, clarified. He was ready to rush to her, to take her in his arms, to press his lips to hers, when she spoke again.
“I’m a fool, Percy,” she said. “But so are you.”
“Yes, yes,” he nodded fervently. “I know.”
Okay, absolutely lush. The entire scene here is lush. There’s so much tenderness and love between them. It makes one believe in true love. Not Hollywood true love, but the real world sort. And I know you took a lot of inspiration and whatnot from a certain movie, but it doesn’t change the fact that you were able to capture such brilliant emotions so well. I adore you, Jenna. Thank you for this exquisite piece.