MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
02/24/08 17:48 · For:
I like the setting you introduced from the beginning - the noisy pub, crowded with occupants, seems perfect for some private thinking. Where is the pub, though? You may want to explain that to show why more than one wizard appears randomly on the same day.
It's Ogden's Old Firewhisky, not Ogden's Fire Whiskey. And Ginny, to me, doesn't seem the type to keep an alcohol stash - she may have a drink with her friends occasionally, but a 'drinker' doesn't fit with anything we've really seen of her.
Ginny Weasley had never looked like this, at least, not to him. I love the last part, where Draco acknowledges that Ginny may indeed have appeared as she did to him at that moment to someone else before.
Then she had with Potter.... Did you mean 'been with'?
How come Potter got the strong, able, and proud sidekick? That's cute. Keep in mind, though, that Potter has lots of sidekicks. Maybe you could add an 's' to that?
If this was heaven, he would have killed himself ages ago. This took me a minute to understand, but that's how the best sort of writing is. It's really a lovely line.
Your ending is so powerful that adding the ellipsis (...) just takes away from its beauty.
Thank you for this lovely story.
Author's Response: Thanks! Wow, I haven't updated anything on this site in forever. I really reccomend my other story, honestly, but I think it's been archived so I'm not sure if it's accessable. If you'd like to read that, just shoot me a comment or whatever and I'll email you.
Great comment though, writers love hearing all that. =D Heh, I love that line too. Better yet, I didn't take it from something....
(Signed) · Date:
02/17/07 20:26 · For:
awwwww, how incredibly cute! you should add more!!
Author's Response: thanks! I didn't really like this one just because it was so... argh. I wanna say boring. I did have a little bit after this, but hardly enough for a story. I would definately reccomend my other story over this one. there is some cute stuff in it too!