I can't find words to describe how amazing this is. I love the . . . just the total feel of it, y'know? Goddess, I wish I could find a better way of describing it than that, but I can't. Kudos, man.
Oh my, Salazar. Wow.
That was breath taking. I adore the way that you have written this powerful fic. The way that you never once tell the reader exactly who is there and who is speaking is brilliant.
It's almost as though you are speaking straight to the reader, as though you are actually the one fighting. With your beautiful and powerful words, you leave the reader with a sense of courage and the want to fight along side the Aurors. You certainly left me ready to be “unafraid.”
This is a wonderfully well-written and creative piece. Great job.
This is ah-maze-ing. I was hooked from the first word. Fear draws every human, does it not? The style in which you write this was stunning. It seemed almost still, and then suddenly it would speed up, then halt again. Your style was just like the title, him? I read through it three times before I left you this review, actually. It was so enticing and vivid. I love how you described the dust--
Sluggish particles doggedly plough into pattern, ready to expect the unexpected, swirl and swirl and dance with unknown energy.
Seriously, the image that immediately pops into mind at that statement embodies the utter chaos that you so eloquently describe here. It's almost... metaphorical, perhaps? Also, the way you used the parenthesis was awesome too. I am usually not a fan of parenthesis in writing because it tends to slow it down, but in this case, it seemed to do just the opposite. Wonderful, wonderful job!
Suzie, I just read this whole story out loud. I never do that, but the words of this one begged to be spoken out loud. It’s the perfect piece of writing for reading out loud. Your language is truly beautiful and just flowed so well. It sounds very poetic at times.
If it weren’t for the spells every now and then, I believe I would have forgotten that Fabian and Gideon are in the middle of a fight. The point of view, too, made me forget who you were talking about at times, because the thoughts could belong to anyone fighting on the light side, in my opinion, and that made it even more powerful.
Fear. Some know it — some meet it everyday. Some sense it, lingering in the air like a crowd of swirling, sinking dust motes, and each time a particle grazes the ground , an impatient wind sweeps them up again, afraid that they might fall, perhaps, and never wake; afraid that there is nothing after stillness, except stillness and nothingness themselves. Afraid of what may never happen (the unknown) - death, so they run. Silence and motion — ever a circle.
This opening paragraph was simply gorgeous. This lingering fear is a hard thing to describe, but the image of the dust motes fit the feeling perfectly. You can’t see these tiny dust particles usually, only when the light falls on them in a particular way, but they’re still in the air. You can’t see fear either, of course you can’t, but sometimes when I walk down a darkened street at night, I can just feel it, lingering on a stretch of road and then a few hundred meters further down the street the feeling is gone, or at least not as pronounced. The imagery here and the last sentence of the opening paragraph especially, really intrigued me and drew me into the story. They also set the tone for the story, how it’s more about feelings and thoughts than actions.
We understand that it may be for a greater good if we were ever to perish in battle; it may be for the greater good if our deaths could help save the wizarding world. I went back and looked at the date you submitted this story and it was way before DH came out. I love how you use the words ‘for the greater good’ here, before we have ever heard them in connection with Grindelwald and Dumbledore, and how they mean something completely different and yet the same thing. Both instances talk about lives that have to be sacrificed, but in DH these sacrifices are no more than collateral damage, while the Prewett brothers sacrifice their own lives willingly for what they believe in.
I’m glad Steph suggested turning the drabble into a one-shot, because otherwise I would have never read it and missed out on a truly moving and all-around fabulous piece of writing.
Sorry it took me so long to get around to reviewing this, dear, but no, I have not forgotten! *waves spork in the air triumphantly*
I remember being incredibly impressed with this story when I modded it, as I am reading it for a second time. Your use of first person plural point of view is simply gorgeous. Though narrated from the POV of the Prewett brothers, the use of ‘we’ makes it sound like it’s being spoken from the narration of a larger group. Good against evil, if you will. This theme is only strengthened by beautiful lines like ‘We are not afraid to fight. We are not afraid to die.’ Though we know very little about the Prewett brothers, I think that this is a very interesting way of characterizing them. Being related to Molly, I can see that similar thread of defiance running through them. Molly really strikes me as a brave person who would die for a cause, and I can see that in the way you characterized her brothers.
This first paragraph was absolutely stunning. Silence and motion — ever a circle. I had to stop and think about this line for a few minutes. When used like this, I usually see phrases like ‘silence and noise’ or ‘motion and stillness’. ‘Silence and motion’, however, was a new one for me. But when I thought about it, I really began to understand this theme, and how it related to the war and this piece of fanfiction. Then you have this gorgeous duality: Silence - with death perhaps - awaiting the end of its stillness. Motion, escape? Or fall… Silence was waiting. Motion was taking action. This sentence helped to further my understanding of this theme. It’s not only silence and motion, but what they represent, that plays a role in this one piece of writing, and life in general.
Living is defending. Living is the vastness that represents motion between small — short — breaths of stillness. We live to protect. I loved this line. What a stunning example of the Prewett brothers’ characterization. What you’re saying here is that they live for motion; live for taking action. But even they have those moments of stillness; of silence. Again, such a gorgeous duality. I love the way that you write silence and motion relying on each other in this fic. Also like in the following passage:
Dust still swirls — soundlessly as it prepares to drift to a still. Silence is the opportune moment for victory; the balancing of worlds (of triumph and disaster) teeters precariously — an opportune moment before MOTION. (and fall). I love how you say ‘silence is the opportune moment for victory.’ What you’ve been saying in this piece is that the Prewetts lived for motion; for fighting. Yet here, you allow them to rely on silence for a solitary moment. What it comes down to, is that silence is the result of motion. Yet in a never-ending cycle, people who live to fight like the Prewetts move on to fighting once more after each victory. Then I look up and see that line that I was struggling with before. Silence and motion — ever a circle. Now all I can really do is smile and say ‘oh. I get it.’
We are not afraid to die.
Wow. Just…wow. In all of the beauty of this fic, the last line really caught me. It’s been forever since I’ve cried while reading a story. However, this line literally brought me to tears. On one hand, it doesn’t seem fair that someone willing to devote their lives to defend and protect, have to actually give their lives. On the other hand, because you put this line so craftily after “Avada Kedavra”, we can see that they didn’t regret their lives ending the way they did. Which is just…wow. I love this theme of good and evil that you have going – even though the lives of two people were lost, they continue to fight for their cause.
This was a truly incredible fic, Suzie. I was very impressed at the theme you conveyed, and how you managed to capture two characters we know nothing about so perfectly. I’m really looking forward to reading more by you in the very near future!
Author's Response: Rachel!! :D *hugs* Thanks for the awesome review! Sorry it’s taken me so ong to get round to responding…urgh. I procrastinate way too much.
Hmm… well in my eyes the Prewetts are “true Gryffindor” type people. They are the aurors who know the extent of what they are fighting for and though it would be unrealistic probably for them to have no fear at all, I think that they have learnt to pass this fear by thinking of how they are benefiting the world. Selfless, huh.
The phrase “Silence and Motion” is the title of a Final Fantasy piece; I’m not actually too keen on that piece of music but the title is ♥ . This story was originally a drabble, and though I don’t remember cutting a lot out of that drabble there was a lot that I would have added in, theme wise. && this silence and motion theme was one of them. I’m not too good at writing action, and besides I didn’t want the whole story to be all-action with the sudden stop at the end. I wanted to emphasise all the still moments in the battle, the tension, the starts and ends. Etc.
I’m glad you like the “silence is the opportune moment for victory” part. Again, I was trying to get at tension here. Like when each side is waiting for the other side to make a move – it’s times like that where one side can really take a lead and victory can be gained.
Sorry the last line brought you to tears! *hugs and hands tissues* I’m glad you like it though. :) I was afraid that this part would lose its effect in a fic as in the drabble, but apparently not. :D
…I bet my response doesn’t even make sense, I just responded paragraph to paragraph really. Anyway, thank you so much for the fantastic review! *huggles*
Gosh. I’m practically speechless. This was amazing! The entire piece was very gripping and moving, I nearly cried there at the end :’(
The fact that the whole piece was written from a “we”-POV was a nice, original touch, adding to the meaning of the lovely sentence of unity, which I loved:
as friends (looking out for one another), as brothers (for together we can be strong).
My absolute favourite sentence, though, was:
No prisoners of motion; silence is a more favourable option.
It almost made me laugh, in all the sadness and horror of the rest of the fic. It was just too true, and I’ve never thought about it that way before. Excellently put!
Throughout the story there’s obviously a fight, action, but your writing makes it the thoughts and feelings within them sound as beautiful as poetry. It’s as if everything is in slow-motion, and you can really hear the thoughts of both brothers, filling each other in, contemplating on death, real-time. Beautiful! You are very talented at writing this type of story. Good job, Suz!
Author's Response: *hugs* Sorry you nearly cried :p But thanks for the review!
I'm glad you liked the 'we' POV. We don't know much about the Prewetts in canon but I've always thought of them as being extremely alike and close, like Fred and George. I can imagine them fighting together in battle, and I hope that shows through in the writing.
Slow-motion...hmm...I like that. I wanted there to be an element of action-rest-action-rest throughout the whole piece, like as if we were taking little snapshots of important parts of the scene ya'know?
Anyway, thank you so much for the review! :D ~Suzie
Wow. Just... wow. That was a very powerful and unique story. This fic is another example to show why quality matters more than quantity.
First off, I shall comment about the style of the story. I've not read anything like this before... this one-shot alternates very rapidly between introspection and action, and at the same time, it's not so fast that the reader gets confused. I also like the way you show the unity of Gideon and Fabian's thoughts and actions; it's almost as though they are a single entity. Almost like Fred and George, if I might compare this action-packed Darkfic to one of their antics.
This story reminds me of a song. Not any song in particular, but of the style of many song lyrics in general; especially in the way they alternate between feelings and actions.
Without a doubt, this is one of the best one-shots I've ever read. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Mini! Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. :) I’m glad you liked the way that Gideon and Fabians thoughts were combined. In way, despite the different moods/context of course, the two of them ARE like Fred and George. The Weasley twins very much look out for one another, they work together in their pranks and never exclude one another from what they are doing. The Prewetts I’d imagine, would do the same thing in battle, and in that way united, they probably fight better and are braver too.
A song? Hmm…:D Well the title of this was taken from a piece of music on the Final Fantasy soundtrack: Silence and Motion. I don’t actually like that particular piece all that much, and I don’t play Final Fantasy…but I do love the name.
Thank you for the nice review! :D *huggles*
Oh snap, it cut me off. So sorry, dear :). Here’s the rest of it - The way you go off track, like you’re rambling inside your own mind – I love it. I bet you thought for a second I was criticizing you. Of course not! “Random”. How do we define it? I think it’s defined by not actually seeing what’s going on behind the scenes. I really enjoyed the perspective of this – the way you’ve got each brother’s thoughts silencing and echoing each other. The fact that there’s two of them thinking along the same lines, but slightly off track is what causes the randomization, but it’s really beautiful the way a scrambled mind works.
Silence - with death perhaps - awaiting the end of its stillness. Motion, escape? Or fall…
You show the struggle really well with this sentence, actually. This is the main sentence I noticed that had the random effect. It seemed as though they were thinking at the same time, like the first part of the sentence was one brother, and the second the other brother. It projects a really good picture, actually. The way that they’re fighting together, but apart. Sort of like those video games that have the split screen where you can see both sides and both player’s progress.
Another thing I noticed about the extended version is the way the brothers actually seem to be speaking to ME. It’s like they’re intent on telling me what’s happening, why they’re fighting, why they’re in the battle – why, why, why. Why’s a question many people ask, and I think that if I were to ask “why?” about this story, the brothers would be answering me.
We understand that it may be for a greater good if we were ever to perish in battle; it may be for the greater good if our deaths could help save the wizarding world.
“Stupefy!” The curse finds its mark, and a Death Eater falls.
See how you’ve answered the “why?” Why would someone go into battle, and sacrifice their lives? Something else I noticed in conjunction with the brothers pressing their thoughts upon me was like they were speaking directly to me, and the battle was second to what they were telling me. Just the way you interrupt yourself with the battle, it’s like Gideon or Fabian is saying something, and just turns around and zaps someone so that the battle continues. I can’t really say what effect it has on me (although I probably should be able to -_- silly English teachers) but… it’s amazing. It’s with this that you’ve managed to keep the same sort of structure as with the drabble, although with it longer it seems in slow motion and… I really can’t tell you with words what it gives me. I’d have to be up in your face jumping and shaking my head and shivering and… yes. It’s one of those things that seems to stick to you and… make you FEEL.
I remember the huge amount of parentheses you had. At first I was like… wow. But then in your email you explained it and now, looking at this – “We have to fight. Fight together. Always fight — as friends (looking out for one another), as brothers (for together we can be strong)” – I can se what you meant; the echo and the thoughts and stuff. So, have no fear – my daftness hasn’t seemed to have affected anyone else ;).
Each moment blurs into the next — the split second of silence marks the significance of a life. This makes me wince, like “ooh burn, you’re life totally wasn’t important.” It’s really quite eerie how you portray the characteristics of a battle.
Like I said before, about the being interrupted by the battle; that’s exactly what I think the last part is about. The formatting really did help, you know. I’m glad I could be of a little bit of help in that department. But it’s SO POWERFUL the way you’ve done that. It’s like their unfinished business in my mind. We are not afraid to die. It’s so sobering, like now that they’ve died, it’s become a bit of a trademark, something that you’ll always remember.
So Suzie, to go back to my first comment, you haven’t lost ANY of the allure or mystery of this piece. Those last lines still make me shudder. They still make me afraid to scroll up to the top of the page and read it again. I think this is something you need to read twice, so that you get that feeling that I got (of not wanting to scroll up) so when you read it again it’s all the more sad of how they died and how terrible it was. Just reading it again, after you’ve done makes you feel so worthless. All the way through the first time, you’re waiting for them to stand tall (even though you know that they’re going to die) you still hope that it’s not this time. So Suzie, congratulations. A fantastic, moving piece. Definitely full of Silence and Motion.
Author's Response: Gah! *huggles Steph* Sorry it’s taken me – um – a month and 22 days to stop procrastinating and actually respond to this awesome review. *hides* THANK YOU so much for your betaing and all the help and encouragement you gave!
I never thought I was actually going to turn the drabble into a one-shot but then I just got this random idea about the dust motes, and so sat down and wrote it. I kept picturing little bits of dust – like what you see on a sunny day – floating about and never quite reaching the ground/taking ages to do so. Just like the brothers who I picture to always be so busy, and never having time to rest until their impossible task of saving the world is done.
“Scrambled mind”… hmm… *tries not to think of scrambled eggs or similar* :D *giggle* Sometimes, when I’m writing I go off on a sort of tangent and go slightly ‘poetic’ heehee. In a lot of my earlier writing I over-described just about everything, but I think I’m getting better now!
The thing about the echoing was an idea I had with the drabble. I wasn’t sure if it would work with a longer fic. Your idea of the split screen video game is a good one. I wanted the effect of the brothers in battle, obviously fighting ‘alone’ but also at any given point, knowing where the other was and looking out for the other. They help each other a lot in battle, knowing that they have the same beliefs and the same goals – which may motivate them, ja?
Heh. And because of this fic, I think I’m now a (parenthesis) addict. *hides* Will try to cut down but I doubt that’ll work. :D
Hmm…and that line about the significance of life seems harsh but it WAS the meaning that I was looking for – as far as the Death Eaters go. With a few exceptions perhaps, I doubt Voldemort really values any of his followers as PEOPLE. He values them for how well they can fight and kill and torture. Once they are dead, that’s a loss but one that is forgotten quickly as more fighters replace the lost one.
I remember writing the ‘we are not afraid to die’ bit in the drabble. I didn’t think to change the formatting until I was actually posting it in the challenge thread! Now because I’ve read the end bit so many times it’s totally lost its effect for me – but I’m glad you don’t think it has (for other people) and thanks with the formatting help! :D
Anyway thank you for all the awesome review(s) :p ! I wouldn’t have been able to write this thing without you! *huggles again*
The reason I was so excited to be betaing this was because I remembered this drabble so vividly. I remember writing mine, and then yours was submitted, and it was just… so powerful. Every word send shocks through my system. I was afraid that by lengthening it that you would actually take away a little bit of the action and the face-paced no-thinking quality, but when I read it after you sent it to me, this obviously wasn’t the case at all.
Some sense it, lingering in the air like a crowd of swirling, sinking dust motes, and each time a particle grazes the ground , an impatient wind sweeps them up again, afraid that they might fall, perhaps, and never wake; afraid that there is nothing after stillness, except stillness and nothingness themselves.
I love the way you’re trying to give the reader this picture of desperation and helplessness throughout the story. It’s like the Prewett brothers can’t do anything but fight – a win lose situation. They can either stand there, and die, or they can fight, and die honourably, taking down some people with them. It’s such a common thing in society. People, as you said, experience it every day and the way you’ve included it in here with the thoughts makes it more powerful than anything I’ve read, I think. Oh. And coming back, there’s a space before the comma after ground. That would be my mistake >.
Author's Response: *giggle* will respond properly in your next review...haha. *runs away*
That was deep and sad. And intense. I liked it I'm still sort of in the fight watching it. It came alive
Author's Response: Oooh thanks! *blush* I'm glad you like it and that the sadness came across!
Amazing. Truely, amazing. The imagery was so perfect, the style of writing; you get such a perfect picture in your mind of what's happening, and how these two men were brave and unafraid until the very end.
silence and motion - inspired. Such a... fantastic way to describe the battle, and the War as a whole. if you stop, you lose; you must keep moving, must keep fighting.
I'm so glad you kept the ending the same as the drabble's. It's fantastic. So... in character, though that is quite amazing, seeing as we know very little about the brothers already, but you put a consistant image of who these people are in such a short amount of time, any other way of it ending would have seemed... a let down? Hmmm...
Anyway, I love it. It is going strait onto my faves. I've read very few (if any) fics about the Prewett brothers, and I'm so glad you have written one so well!
Author's Response: Lisa!
*hugs* Thank you SO MUCH for such a fabulous review! The idea of 'silnce and motion' was kind of taken from the title of a Final Fantasy piece, but really the music itself is no relation. *cough* I just liked the name.
The ending of the drabble was a spur of the moment thing, ya'know? I just thought it would be cool if the last line was on the other side of the page...and it turned out reasonably effective! I was kind of worried that it might lose its effect a bit here though...
Anyway, I so glad you liked it! *huggles* I'm starting to get really interested in writing about lesser characters, heehee so you might see more! :p