I like it!
Author's Response: Thank you.
I liked the idea and the way you wrote it, although I definitely didn't like the rythme. I love light rythme generally, but there are lines I couldn't find any rythme there.
Maybe because I'm not an English native speaker? probably.
But still, it's very nice.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. The rhyme is on the second and fourth lines of each verse, while the first and third do not rhyme. Hope that helps. ;-)