Reviewer: happyday
Date: 01/30/07 15:35
Chapter: What Hurts the Most

The song was a good idea! It totally fits with book six. (I never realized that until I read this.) One question- 'I saw you.'? Did I miss something? Good story!

Author's Response: Well, it doesn't really fit, I was going by the song, so... In the flashback, Harry asked what she saw when she looked into the future, and she never answered him. I suppose I should have explained that better. Thanks for reading!

Reviewer: eternityzangel
Date: 01/30/07 15:26
Chapter: What Hurts the Most

sooooooooo sad!!

Author's Response: I know. Personally, I don't think that Harry will die, but I heard this song, and had a brainwave. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: MagicalMaddie331
Date: 01/30/07 14:22
Chapter: What Hurts the Most

Hmm, very interesting, but needs a bit of work. The grammatical errors were small but nonetheless there. Don't forget to make spaces after punctuation, or else things can get jumbled. I'm assuming you're using Microsoft Word, because many beginning words after dialogue periods or question marks are capatalized. Remember, they remain lowercase in many sentences if they are folloed by "she said" or "he asked." Don't use two question marks and an exclamation point. One of each is even pushing it. Only choose one. Also, please do use "she said" and "he said" or something of the sort, because it was very confusing as to distinguish who was speaking at the time.

There were some random plot changes. Instead of using the word "Flashback" try making flashback sequences in italics or putting a breaker before and after it, and then writing about the time and place.

There scenes didn't exactly tie in with each other. When did Ginny "see" Harry? Why is Hermione at the Burrow? You explained Percy's presence, but not hers. What did the flashback have to do with anything? Perhaps a more suitable flashback would have been of Harry and Ginny's wedding, or discovering that they were going to have a baby. The flashback was cute, but not really relevant.

The quotes did not need **. It's fine to just cite them at the end. No offense to your brother, but the quote on Harry's grave seems more suitable for a newspaper headline than a gravestone. Lastly, Ginny did not "start" to bawl. She had already been crying before.

I'm sorry if this sounds so critical and even rude, but I am trying to help you with your story. WIth a little work you can have a great piece of writing!

Author's Response: Of course it didn't sound rude! I asked for advice, and I got loads, so thank you very much! Yeah, that's the problem with Microsoft word, it screws a lot of things up. Thank you so much for the help!

Reviewer: Heiress_of_Insanity_
Date: 01/30/07 13:03
Chapter: What Hurts the Most

Two things I forgot. 1-WRITE MORE!!!! And 2-Woot! First review!~H_o_I_

Author's Response: Thanks! Of course I'll write more! Thanks for reviewing again!

Reviewer: Heiress_of_Insanity_
Date: 01/30/07 13:01
Chapter: What Hurts the Most

That was a truly beautiful story, but one thing I noticed was that it was ten years to late. (The Potters died in 1981, not 1990) 10/10!~H_o_I_

Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, I had been wondering if I got the year right, so... thanks for noticing that!

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