i like this story! definitely presents an interesting concept about what the deathly hallows could be and why they're important. good story!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

Hi, Ash!

This is a lovely one-shot, and it’s a unique idea. You have a beautiful, evocative style, and your choice in words is very effective. I haven’t read a story about the founders’ tombs before, and while I have my suspicions that they would have been buried all together, it’s a great idea. I can see how their students would want them to be buried together, though, even if Slytherin abandoned them.

And what a great interpretation of “Deathly Hallows”! When I first started, I had been expecting to see you use the Holy Grail interpretation, but no – “Deathly Hallows” refers to their gravesite, not their objects. Nice.

That first paragraph after the asterisks break gave me the shivers. I could picture the twilight, see the sun just sinking below the horizon, and I got a shiver at the word “furtively.” And then the next paragraph – oh my gosh, did you do that on purpose?

The small man crept across the floor, the only sound the pattering of his feet on the cold stone floor.

The word “pattering” totally reminded me of a rat, kind of in an onomatopoeia way. It immediately made me think that the man was Wormtail, even before you revealed his identity. That’s just brilliant!

I have to admit, though – I was a little surprised to hear that the tombs had been forgotten. I suppose it’s possible, but I would have expected the graves to become almost a tourist spot. What you chose certainly works well, though. I could see that happening, too – almost as though the world has moved on and forgotten to whom they owe so much. It works.

And then I got another shiver when Wormtail jumped. *shiver* I was so sure he was going to get caught, or tortured, or something! Not that he doesn’t deserve it … When he takes all night to place all the spells … ! Wow. That must be some seriously Dark, powerful, complicated magic. Nice touch!

*giggle* Poor Wormtail … he’s the only one to do this, and he still feels proud. He’s got a serious inferiority complex, I think! Again, nice touch! You’ve caught his personality in so many little ways, with small little details, and he never says a word. That’s talent, my dear. Good job!

And then we come to the end … Ooh, great ending! It’s left wide open for a sequel, if you so choose, and yet … it has a poetic touch, too. *shiver again* I love that you’ve ended it with Deathly Hallows. Very nice indeed.

And … I hope you don’t mind, because your grammar and spelling are just lovely, but I noticed a few little typos. So here’s me, nit-picking. Trust me, I wouldn’t take the time to do this if I didn’t love the one-shot!

Very few knew of it, a secret held by the four most powerful witches and wizards and shared only with a few.

A glint of silver shone across the room as he placed his hand inside his cloak, drawing out a sparkling silver object, along with his thin oak wand.

And now he had been entrusted with this important job, to deliver an item of his master’s here, to these tombs, and to lay exactly the enchantments the Dark Lord had described on the cavern.

So he would never know that there was a Horcrux hiding amongst the tombs of the four Founders, and he would never know that he had held and looked after a seventh of his master’s soul.

That’s all. Not bad, was it? Again, let me just say how lovely this is. Good luck with the challenge!

Abigail/joybelle423
Knight of the Turnip Table

Author's Response: Thanks for the great review, I'm glad you liked the story! I always apprecaite help with grammar and spelling too, it's definatly not perfect! The idea of the Deathly Hallows as the Founder's tombs popped into my head as soon as I read the title, although I doubt that's how JKR meant it. I also tried to give Wormtail a more interesting personality, even though I agree that he does deserve to get caught. Again, thanks for the review and the help, it's always appreciated!

WOW! That was very interesting. The opening really cuaght my eye, talking about the Founders.

The ending was really great too!! Nice job!!!


AurorGirl101 of the Turnips of the Round Table

Author's Response: Thanks! It took me ages to get the ending right, so I'm glad you liked that part.