Awww... poor Remykins. I love this story!
Oh Ö this is so heart-breaking. I never imagined that Remusís transformations would be this way. Oh, Iím just aching for him! I canít even think how horribly terrifying that must be for him. Heís so young, and he thinks itís his fault! Wow. If you were trying to make your readers cry for him, then youíve definitely succeeded here. This oneshot isnít very long, and thereís scarcely any dialogue, but youíve portrayed Remusís agony and tortured thoughts so clearly and poignantly. Your descriptions are fantastic, and the way youíve delved into the mind of a six year old is brilliant. Well done!
Abigail, Knight of the Turnip Table
From the first paragraph, you have set a really nice tone and imagery for this story. First, Iíve never read a story where someone writes in present tense like you did in this story. I had to read the first sentence twice to make sure I was reading it write. Usually, one would see, ďA small boy sits on a broken bed, crying mutely.Ē I like that you have taken this leap to writing like this because at times, it can be tricky but you handled it very well. Second, the images that you paint in the readerís head are also very nicely written. It is a great accomplishment when an author lets the reader see where the characters and settings are instead of just reading them and only understanding and seeing the words.
This is a really sad story! Written well, of course, but to think that a young boy had to endure this, itís unfathomable. I have never thought of the pain that Remus went through during his transformation when he was young but it must have been painful. Itís something that we readers just simply pass over and I love that you lead us into those dark, very angsty nights with this fic.
But how was a six year old to explain the horror, the agony, of transformation and the terrifying animal emptiness he felt afterwards?
I winced when I read this line. Your writing style is very unique and you have a way of using words to describe and show exactly what you want. I really canít imagine a six year old even beginning to endure the pain of transformation, not to even talk about explaining what happened. The horrorÖit must have been terrifying and you surely bring that fear across!
Your description of Remusí transformation and his mother sobbing hysterically at the other side of the door is marvelous. It must be terrible to have to see your son go through that. And then, worse of all, keeping him locked up in that cage of a room!
This is an excellent story! Itís captivating and shows all of the right emotions. Not only can the characters feel the pain, but your writing makes us feel it also with them! Great job! I didnít find any grammatical errors in this so I can only comment and applaud the amazing job you did.
Aww! I feel so sorry for poor Remus! You did a really great job writing this. It was so sad!
Poor Remus. I feel so bad for him! Really good (and sad) fanfic.