MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: GreyLady (Signed) · Date: 09/15/07 12:48 · For: Chapter 1
I enjoyed this immensely. Your characterizations of everyone were wonderful, and the story overall is very detailed and satisfying. However, I thought Bill behaved rather oddly at the end, kissing the other girl without any motivation behind it. The rest of the story is quite lovely, though. Brava!

Name: nysuperstarz (Signed) · Date: 08/04/07 23:46 · For: Chapter 1

Gah. I loved it!

The repetition you used really made what you were saying powerful. You showed Fleur's venerabilities and over-all you did an awessssome job!

Name: Eowyn89 (Signed) · Date: 07/11/07 15:32 · For: Chapter 1
First off, I wanted to say that you are a very talented writer. The way in which you displayed the characters emotions was nothing short of brilliant! Many writers focus on the girly and immature side of Fleur, but you choose to write her as she truly is—clever. Why else would she have been chosen as the champion of Beauxbatons? Fleur knows how to get what she wants, as you so cleverly stated, and I loved how you brought that side out in your story.

The characterization of Bill and Fleur’s family was done impeccably well too! I loved the awkwardness Bill displayed at the Grande Maison, combined with the stiff, Petunia-ish nature of Madame Delacour, and the innocence of Gabrielle. It was amusing to see how the characters struggled to do the right thing, and still failed miserably.

Your story sends out some fantastic messages of love, family, and trust and you should be commended for a work well done! The way you captured Fleur’s internal struggle was done not only beautifully, but believably as well. I absolutely loved how you continually repeated the passage: “There she sat, out in the pouring rain, the droplets falling fast over her face and hair, her head held high with unquenchable pride. There she sat, one of the most beautiful young women in the world, inviting the rain to wash her away. Fleur Delacour knew for a fact that she would never have been sitting there like that two years ago. Before she met Bill Weasley.

I did notice some errors in your French dialogue, though, that you may want to have checked. Also, when Fleur speaks with a member of her family, lose the accent, as it can prove to be distracting, and she probably would not speak to them in English anyway, even for Bill’s sake. The ending did seem a little too rushed to me as well. Other than that your story is fantastic and you should be commended for a work well done!


Name: lily_evans34 (Signed) · Date: 04/28/07 10:54 · For: Chapter 1
Kiara, Kiara, Kiara. I can’t even begin to express how beautiful this story was in a review, but I shall try. When I first beta’d this story, when I reread it for the SBBC, and rereading it now, I continue to be indescribably impressed.

First off, Fleur. Wow. Her characterization was absolutely wonderful. At first the statement that she doesn’t believe in love was rather confusing. After all, she’s the one who guys faithfully follow around, so at first I thought ‘if anyone would believe in love, it’d be her’. But the way you used that to strengthen your point that she doesn’t believe in love was incredibly well-done, and I found myself really understanding where Fleur was coming from. With lines like Ironically, this was because many of the men who met her did, and proclaimed it often when in her presence. it’s hard not to see what you mean. I thought it was very IC for Fleur to only believe in lust over love, because of her beauty. What I also loved about her was the way you wrote her relationship with her mum and her sister. From GoF we can tell just how much her family meant to her, and I loved the way you wrote that in this fic; that even though she loved Bill, she wanted her family’s approval.

Next, Bill. I absolutely loved the way you wrote Bill. From what we’ve seen of him in the books, he’s a rather calm, laid-back character. Though this fic was from Fleur’s point of view, and we didn’t see too much of him, from what you wrote, I thought you managed to capture his character wonderfully. Possibly my favourite line from him was "Because I'm me. Would you like to dance?" I love his go-with-the-flow type manner. Which brings me to the next thing I wanted to mention; the blonde-girl-kiss. Honestly, I’m torn on this bit. I can’t decide whether it strengthens or weakens his characterization. On one hand, as I mentioned above, you portrayed him as a rather go-with-the-flow type character. In this case, I can see him kissing another girl, because she happened to be there, he was upset, and it seemed like the right thing at the time. On the other hand, from his argument towards the end of this fic, the reader could really tell just how much he cared for Fleur, and I don’t think that he would be discouraged from her because of one dispute with her family.

That being said, I just loved the last section; Bill and Fleur’s argument. The kiss did have its uses; to lead up to this bit brilliantly. What I loved about this was the way you wrote both characters; both very stubborn and determined to get their points across. I love the way that you managed to keep their characterizations consistent throughout this entire fic, despite the many scenarios they were put through. Two lines that I just loved were:

"Fleur, there's one more thing I need to teach you about English. "Loved" isn't a word," he said solemnly, as Fleur looked on in confusion. "There is no past tense to "love" - if you love someone, you always will, no matter what. Like I love you." Truly brilliant, my Kiara. What I love about this line is the way you tie Bill’s love for Fleur, and Fleur’s Eenglish lessons together in one paragraph that has such a strong impact as this. This line is just so true. I think, no matter how much a person has told himself he’s moved on, if he’s loved someone, he’s going to continue to do so. I can really see Bill saying something like this. It’s like he’s been saying throughout this entire fic “You know I love you, do I honestly have to say it?” When he finally does say it, I couldn’t think of a sweeter way. The other line I loved was:

"I know because I love you. And because the sex is great," Bill added cheekily, earning him a swat from Fleur. "And because you love me too." LOL. I love the subtle humour you manage to add to this; truly brilliant job!

One last thing. I adored the way you wrote Madam Delacour. Being a single mum, I can see where she’d be especially protective of her daughters, and rather sceptic of love. The way you wrote this was so believable – I liked that her arguments against Bill were more “he’s not of good class” and “he’s not worthy of you” than “I don’t like him”. If her argument was as weak as that, I honestly don’t think your story would have come out the way it did; I think Bill and Fleur would have left right then and there. But I thought that to an extent, it was really IC for Fleur to at least listen and respect her mum before shooting down her beliefs; again, just shows how much her family means to her.

Overall, truly incredible job, darling! I read so few Bill/Fleur fics, but now I really want to start, to see other interpretations of their relationship, and see if the characterization’s as solid as the way you wrote it. ;) Kiara, dear, I’m going to have to come after you with sporks [wth, Word? ‘sporks’ is SO a word!], for I refuse to allow you to leave MNFF. I shall chain you to the site if I have to, for the world is not ready to be deprived of your fantabulous writing just yet.

Name: greeneyes (Signed) · Date: 04/19/07 18:03 · For: Chapter 1
Hey! As I'm sure you know, we're reading your fic in the SBBC!!

And, to let you know, you did a fantastic job. I found your characterization to be brilliant, especially Fleur. I've never liked her as a character. She was always haughty, stuck-up, and in my opinion, rather obnoxious. In your story, you explain some of that. (Her grandmother saying beauty was a gift and a curse, how Fleur's mother had made it so that she argued and protested until she got what she wanted, etc.) I liked how you described Bill. He, like JKR had described him, did appear very cool. I don't really know how else to describe him. Madame Delacour was quite a character with a very stubborn personality, and yet, I couldn't help but adore her. Although many of feel she was wrong in what she did, she really did have Fleur's best interests at heart. Her daughter must have had countless men fall for and maybe even propose to her, and I'm sure Madame Delacour was just trying to protect her daughter. I liked the contrast you put in her. And Gabrielle was a nice touch as well. Her innocent nature did not match her concern for Fleur and Bill, which made the story more interesting.

Another thing I'd like to comment on is the wonderful French accent you were able to skillfully work into the dialogue. It made the story much more believable, and you did it without making it too much or too little.

The only thing I didn't care for was that kiss... Well, I could see it happening if more time had passed since Bill had left Fleur's (like, weeks), and then more time had passed before the kiss and his proposal. But, I understand you didn't want to carry on this one-shot into a billion-page length book. =]

Overall, you did a fantastic job, and I really liked what you did with this pairing.

Keep up the great work! =D

Name: miss padfoot (Signed) · Date: 04/18/07 23:17 · For: Chapter 1
OMG, Kiara! *squees* This is such an amazing fic, you’re a great writer! Guh. I loved the way it flowed so beautifully -- especially the frequent repetition of the lines at the beginning and then at the end, they all fit so perfectly together.

The fic's strong point -- wait, correction. One of the fic's strong points is probably characterisation. You portrayed perfectly all of them -- right from Bill and Fleur to the seemingly minor characters like Gabrielle and Madam Delacour; everyone seemed and acted just like they would in canon. I liked Madame Delacour in particular; her affection for her daughter and her over-protective nature was very believable.

Fleur was her usual haughty self, though you showed her soft side too. Her attraction to danger and how she sees Bill as a sort of danger first is interesting. I’ve always kind of wondered what Fleur saw in Bill that other men didn’t have and I thought she liked him because of his ‘coolness’ more than anything else. This fic builds on that and even goes on to say that she liked him because of his cool indifference, which was an interesting thought.

Apart from her attraction to Bill, you showed rather than told about Fleur’s love for her family, which impressed me. She clearly dotes on her parents, more so on her mother because of the divorce, and her affection for her sister is overwhelming. Totally IC.

And these lines described her perfectly:
Bill remembered feeling similarly when he had first began seeing Fleur – at first he had been hesitant to touch her in case he broke her, she just seemed so perfect that he felt even sneezing might blow her away from him.
It shows how much he cares for her, though rather subtly. And it makes a nice parallel to the “perfect vision” she is in HBP.

Moving on to Bill, he kind of confused me. It was a mystery to me – and apparently to Fleur too *wink* -- until the very end whether he actually was in love with her or not. He clearly likes her but does he really love her?

And I am so glad Bill didn’t like her because she was beautiful, but rather admired the other qualities like bravery and love for her family. And I loved the part where he proposes to her – almost in the style of the twins, more like a casual fling rather than the sappy romantic ones. But still, he manages to sound like the perfect hero; his subtle romantic gestures were so cute, especially here:
There is no past tense to “love” – if you love someone, you always will, no matter what. Like I love you.
Wow. That is a line I’ll probably always remember – created such a huge impact on me, and is probably very true.

The only one low point of this fic was the random kiss. It was sort of out of the blue and probably not too crucial to the plot. Plus, it was really insensitive and reminded me of Ron/Lavender. *shudder* But then the purpose of it was probably to show how Fleur felt when it was someone else in her usual “place”. That was a cool parallel. =] And it struck me as odd that he proposes to her right after she caught him with another woman. Men can be strange sometimes.

But apart from that, I heart this fic and whenever I come across Bill/Fleur, I’ll probably think of this one. =D

And it was rather ironical that both of them didn’t believe in happy endings but still, the fic ended by saying ‘happily ever after’. I loved it!

To conclude, I can say nothing except you’re an exceptionally great writer, Kiara! Keep writing!

Name: joybelle423 (Signed) · Date: 03/01/07 6:42 · For: Chapter 1
Okay. Yes, I’ve already reviewed, but I have more to say! So … here goes!

I think I mentioned that I didn’t like Fleur before reading this fic, and that has a lot to do with the POV of the books – we only see Fleur from Harry’s perspective, and never from her own. But this! This is amazing! You’ve transformed Phlegm into a wonderful, strong woman who is deeply loyal to her family. She is afraid of commitment, and she seems to have been hurt before, probably by some idiot who liked her only for her beauty. All of that is so real! I really identified with her as a person.

And then … there’s Bill! Wow. I mean, I sort of had a crush on him when Harry described him, but this! Again, amazing. I think I’m in love. He loves Fleur for her mind, for who she is, and not just for her beauty. He appreciates her as a person. He is also strong, for he braves her mother’s criticism and ultimately decides to give her up rather than force her away from her family. THAT is love. Wow.

And … the ending! OMG. I loved their argument. I loved the way Bill convinced her that he truly loves her! Wow. The way he went on and on about why he loves her, why he wants to spend his life with her … guh. I’m jealous. And … one of my favourite things about love … they made sacrifices for each other, sacrifices to make their relationship work. Again, THAT is love. It’s not fun, and it’s not comfortable, but it’s totally worth it in the end.

Oh, and on my fifth read-through I spotted that Roger Davies’ name was spelt wrong – it should be Davies, not Davis. That’s all.

Thank you so much for sharing this story! It is one of absolute favourites. I’ve read it over and over, and I just know I’ll keep coming back to it. It’s a fabulous love story, and it’s incredibly unique. *loves*


Name: GringottsVault711 (Signed) · Date: 02/23/07 23:28 · For: Chapter 1
My heart is pounding. OMG.

First of all, I'm awful awful awful, for not having read this sooner *ashamed*. I kept telling myself I had to, and I kept... pushing it off for a time when I could enjoy it fully. And, well, I found that time tonight and -- I'm almost glad I waited. No, I am glad I waited.

Because, I don't know how to explain it, though if you read between the lines it should be fairly obvious, this story means more to me now than it could have two months ago. And, I don't even know how to explain how... much I love this story. It's fabulous, dear. ♥♥♥♥

Where to start? I think my favourite thing, or at least, one of the favourite things that is now most fresh in my mind, is this part right here:

There is no past tense to "love" - if you love someone, you always will, no matter what. Like I love you."

That is incredible. The Idea, itself, of course, as well as how well you wrote it. *head spins in attempt to convey what she means*. To think that without the "Eenglish" lessons, you might not have been able to incorporate this line into the story... *sigh* It's just wonderful. It makes the story so complete. I find myself, here, believing in Fate because this story just has to be Fate.

*sighs* I don't know what else to say. I don't think I've read your work before. But, I know now that I love it. Your writing is lovely. So pure, and all the Emotions and Ideas and Feelings come across so powerfully.

I loved the "flower bed" crack. XD And, I thought that Fleur's mother's characterisation was brilliant, and I loved Gabrielle's characterisation, too. I adore Gabrielle, so I'm glad you wrote her so wonderfully.

Bill. *cough* I don't know what to say about Bill. He's Perfect. I think that's all I can say. At the risk of wearing my heart on my sleeve, I'll just say that he reminds me, in certain ways, of Someone I know. *cough*

Fleur was incredible. You did justice to me Darling Fleur. Oh, thank you dear. It's so hard to come across good Fleur fic, owing to the fact so many people are in hate with her. Pft. She was so well characterised. And, so three dimensional. And so perfect. I loved her. You gave her such depth. *sighs happily*

And the Bill/Fleur dynamic was spectacular, too. It wasn't a typical love story [which is a major major plus], but they found Love in the end anyway. *sighs happily happily happily*

I absolutely heart this dear. Thank you, and you're amazing. *hugs*

Name: kumydabookworm (Signed) · Date: 02/21/07 13:34 · For: Chapter 1
Oh, oh, OH KIARA! *sobs* I'm such a foolish romantic.

This story is beautiful. I WISH you could enter in into the OTP challenge. It would kick the tails of every other entry there, including mine.

Gosh, this story made me laugh and cry, and absolutely BELIEVE in this pairing. Considering I'm trying to write the tail-end of their wedding to start off one of my one-shots, it totally made me understand the dynamics of their pairing, and...

God, Kiara, this has to be my favorite out of everything you've written. You've improved so much since I last read your work! You're a bloody BRILLIANT author, doll.



Name: Lily_ Evans (Signed) · Date: 01/28/07 12:02 · For: Chapter 1
Aww, zat was so sweet! Fleur's mother seems very bad! Gabrielle est tres bien fille! Ze love between Fleur and Bill is really strong! Good job!

Name: Lily_ Evans (Signed) · Date: 01/28/07 12:01 · For: Chapter 1
Aww, zat was so sweet! Fleur's mother seems very bad! Gabrielle est tres bien fille! Ze love between Fleur and Bill is really strong! Good job!

Name: ilovethetwins (Signed) · Date: 01/25/07 22:13 · For: Chapter 1
awesome job! I haven't read to many storys on Bill and Fleur, but this one was by far my favorite!!

This one is going on my favorites list!

Name: hermy_loves_ron (Signed) · Date: 01/20/07 12:17 · For: Chapter 1
That's so sweet! Love (not loved) it!

Name: joybelle423 (Signed) · Date: 01/19/07 5:53 · For: Chapter 1
Wow. Just ... wow. This is amazing! I've never liked Fleur. I've never been able to see her side of things.

Until now! I love the way you've characterised her! She's amazing! This is the best Fleur fic I've ever read -- and one of the best love stories I've read in a long time!

The handsome red-headed young man with long hair and a fanged earring didn't only seem to emit danger, but held a sense of casual indifference towards anything - a casual indifference that Fleur found very alluring. Fleur decided that she would change that, and make it so that he wasn't indifferent to her.

What a great description of Bill -- and I love Fleur's motivation! Completely believable.

"Good, because that would kind of step on the toes of what I was about to say: Fleur, will you marry me?"

Ha-ha! I love this ...

And ... just a couple nit-picks -- hope you don't mind!

Of course, she would never admit any of those things to anyone, let alone Bill Weasley - whose name she sound found out.

I think you mean soon, yes?

And I was disappointed that Bill said he wanted to marry her because the sex was good. I know he was just joking, but ... naive little me would have preferred not to know that they'd ... you know ... done it!

Okay. That's all ... Everything else was just lovely! I'm definitely going to have to go read more of your stuff! Jenna is one lucky girl ...

~ Abigail

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