Reviews For Occlumency
Reviewer: Euphrates
Date: 04/03/07 21:49
Chapter: Occlumency

Very good. If Harry wrote poetry, it would be exactly like this! I hope that's what you were trying for. Be warned: I'm going to get nitpicky - don't take it personally!

The bastard

This line bothers me. I understand that it is meant to be forceful, and strong, and angry, but I don't think Harry would say that. Maybe "bloody git", or "bloody prat". However, I'm not British at all, so maybe what you put would be perfect. Just saying.

He thought that it would
Keep Voldemort out of my head


The break between "would" and "keep" seemed very direct and...not right. (Ack! Sorry! I can't think of the right word! That wasn't it, though...) I would break it between "keep" and "Voldemort", or between "Voldemort" and "out". But that, again, 'tis just me.

Also (I'm almost done...): I found the lack of commas, periods, semicolons, etc. at the end of each line rther distracting. If I were you, I'd just go back and add the correct punctuation. Again, it's your choice though.

*phew!* Okay, I'm done critiquing. Hope it helped.

Other than that, though, this poem evoked the correct images, and the way you worded it was wonderful. I wouldn't change a single word. Just the grammar thingies I pointed out.

Please, I hope I wasn't mean or anything...I did like the poem!

~Kate


Author's Response: Oh thank you for the constructive critisism. You weren't being mean; I hadn't used a Beta here, so it's not my best work.

Reviewer: hpfangirl9
Date: 02/25/07 17:30
Chapter: Occlumency

Snape's an ass. Again, wonderfully written.

Author's Response: Yeah he is. XD TWIN!

Reviewer: Hansolohpfrk
Date: 02/25/07 10:30
Chapter: Occlumency

Oooh! Very good! Somewhat dark, but....there really isn't a word to discribe it!

--Hanni

Author's Response: is that a good thing? because i am gonna guess that "very good" means its good, but you can never be sure ;)

Reviewer: LunaTuna
Date: 02/02/07 21:53
Chapter: Occlumency

Good! Totally what he'd b thinking. lol ! never study either...

Author's Response: thanks... yeah... i dont study that much either =/

Reviewer: Edgware
Date: 01/16/07 21:14
Chapter: Occlumency

Oooh good job :) barely had time to read but still very good from what i've read. Hall Closets Are Real


Author's Response: Umm... its not that long.... still trying to figure this one out.... just gonna stop now.... thank YOU!!!!! HALL CLOSETS ARE NOT REAL

Reviewer: Pirate Fanatic
Date: 01/16/07 9:14
Chapter: Occlumency

Interesting quatrains. This is the first poem I've read in Mugglenet FanFic and i've got to say...you sure write poems better than I do! :)

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: Tagidi Riva
Date: 01/16/07 8:45
Chapter: Occlumency

" The I am better than you sneer"
You have Snape to a tee. Well done

Author's Response: Thanks!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Severus's Prince by DestinyMoonStar Professors
What does Severus Snape do when a one night stand turns into a baby boy? ...
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
FEATURED
The Pretender by littlebird Professors
She feels the familiar pang of disappointment that they've never been better...
A Light in the Gap by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
When Harry woke that first morning in Grimmauld Place, he wondered if Ron and...
Tapestry by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
As Walburga Black stitches, Sirius rebels. Two poems written about the infamous...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
CATEGORIES