Reviews For Occlumency
Reviewer: Euphrates
Date: 04/03/07 21:49
Chapter: Occlumency

Very good. If Harry wrote poetry, it would be exactly like this! I hope that's what you were trying for. Be warned: I'm going to get nitpicky - don't take it personally!

The bastard

This line bothers me. I understand that it is meant to be forceful, and strong, and angry, but I don't think Harry would say that. Maybe "bloody git", or "bloody prat". However, I'm not British at all, so maybe what you put would be perfect. Just saying.

He thought that it would
Keep Voldemort out of my head


The break between "would" and "keep" seemed very direct and...not right. (Ack! Sorry! I can't think of the right word! That wasn't it, though...) I would break it between "keep" and "Voldemort", or between "Voldemort" and "out". But that, again, 'tis just me.

Also (I'm almost done...): I found the lack of commas, periods, semicolons, etc. at the end of each line rther distracting. If I were you, I'd just go back and add the correct punctuation. Again, it's your choice though.

*phew!* Okay, I'm done critiquing. Hope it helped.

Other than that, though, this poem evoked the correct images, and the way you worded it was wonderful. I wouldn't change a single word. Just the grammar thingies I pointed out.

Please, I hope I wasn't mean or anything...I did like the poem!

~Kate


Author's Response: Oh thank you for the constructive critisism. You weren't being mean; I hadn't used a Beta here, so it's not my best work.

Reviewer: hpfangirl9
Date: 02/25/07 17:30
Chapter: Occlumency

Snape's an ass. Again, wonderfully written.

Author's Response: Yeah he is. XD TWIN!

Reviewer: Hansolohpfrk
Date: 02/25/07 10:30
Chapter: Occlumency

Oooh! Very good! Somewhat dark, but....there really isn't a word to discribe it!

--Hanni

Author's Response: is that a good thing? because i am gonna guess that "very good" means its good, but you can never be sure ;)

Reviewer: LunaTuna
Date: 02/02/07 21:53
Chapter: Occlumency

Good! Totally what he'd b thinking. lol ! never study either...

Author's Response: thanks... yeah... i dont study that much either =/

Reviewer: Edgware
Date: 01/16/07 21:14
Chapter: Occlumency

Oooh good job :) barely had time to read but still very good from what i've read. Hall Closets Are Real


Author's Response: Umm... its not that long.... still trying to figure this one out.... just gonna stop now.... thank YOU!!!!! HALL CLOSETS ARE NOT REAL

Reviewer: Pirate Fanatic
Date: 01/16/07 9:14
Chapter: Occlumency

Interesting quatrains. This is the first poem I've read in Mugglenet FanFic and i've got to say...you sure write poems better than I do! :)

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: Tagidi Riva
Date: 01/16/07 8:45
Chapter: Occlumency

" The I am better than you sneer"
You have Snape to a tee. Well done

Author's Response: Thanks!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Other Lives and Dimensions and Finally a Love Story by MoRoCcAnAnDpRoUd Professors
The year is 1977, and the Wizarding World is in turmoil, but it doesn't really...
Research and Development by Northumbrian 3rd-5th Years
The Mirrorphone, the latest advance in Wizarding communications. Now, of course...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
FEATURED
Oread, Walking by Seren
Cedric was just as odd as Hermione, because he liked to walk. Cedric/Hermione
The Effect of Gamma Rays on Two Terrifically Trapped Gryffindors. by Fenixaze 3rd-5th Years
From the "Stuck where for the weekend?" Challenge on Portkey.org ... Our two...
Drunk on Him by armagod679 Professors
For me, he was an obsession, a burning obsession, one that I could never let...
A Broken Hallelujah by epiphany212 Professors
You have always loved the chase. The pursuit of Quaffles and dragons have carried...
In the Hufflepuff Way by 1000timesingoldenink 3rd-5th Years
Did anybody really appreciate Hannah's mum?Because Mrs. Abbott was a heroine...
And Now... by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
Moments after the death of Voldemort, Harry gazes at the corpse of the Dark...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 1 by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Welcome back to another rousing round of rambunctious rock!However, a new act...
CATEGORIES