Beautifully done, though I do think that a little more explaination is in order before an ending.
Author's Response: Thanks. Could you tell me what was unclear?
this is soo sweet!
Author's Response: Thanks so much.
*loves this* This first chapter was fantastic. Now, not only do I love “Ella’s Bella” I also love “Elle’s Cissy” :D I really liked the fiery attitude that you gave her – it was something different, that we rarely see. She’s still cold and icy like we see in canon, but you’ve made her less ‘frozen-doll’-like (if I make sense…) and more human, which is fantastic.
It’s really clever how you begin the story with Narcissa talking about how much she hates Harry and how much her life has been ruined because Harry ‘didn’t die’. And yet you end on Narcissa’s hatred of the Dark Lord, and how much he too has ruined her life. How ironic!
But of course not, he couldn’t be sentenced at all because he was Harry Bloody Potter.
Draco would not get a free pass. He wasn’t Harry Potter.
I loved these two lines, how bitter they sounded and how much they contrasted. It makes it seem a bit unfair really, that Harry will not be punished. We see everything from Harry’s view in canon and so are often channelled that way, to think that anything that the ‘good’ side do can be justified. It’s not often that we consider that the dark side also has similar justifications and problems. Your version seems so realistic!
…she would end up somewhere, or perhaps the exposure would kill her.
Whoah! That’s so intense, I really reach out to Narcissa. Her blunt tone is so painful to read, it’s almost as if she doesn’t care about anything anymore and just wants to die so that it can all be over.
Hatred surged through her each time she thought of the monster that had destroyed everyone she loved.
I don’t know if I’m reading in too deeply, though I suppose it can be justified either way, but in comparison to Narcissa’s views on Harry, it almost seems as if – from this part, that she resents the Dark Lord even MORE than she dislikes Harry. This is quite surprising, but then again, Voldemort probably *has* hurt her family more in the long run!
It’s really interesting how you have Narcissa turn to drink here. It’s both a vivid and intensely realistic way of showing how ‘astray’ she is, and how hopeless she may feel. Your description of ‘imperfection’ is really good! I like the fact that the painting on the inn sign is in “sloppy green letters”…I can almost imagine what sort of inn it is – bound to have some Firewhiskey, that’s for sure!
Great chapter! *goes off to read more!* ~Suzie xx
Author's Response: Wow, Suzie! Thanks so much for the review. So much to respond to.
Let's see. *smiles* I'm glad you like the way I write the Black sisters. As you know, I spend a lot of time working with these characters, especially Bella.
Narcissa's feelings about Harry and the Dark Lord. She does hate the Dark Lord more. He is what started it all, but she certainly has a lot of resentment for Harry as well, he has caused her a lot of pain, especially with killing Lucius. However, what Narcissa fails to notice in her little rant is that she and her family made choices, just like Harry and Voldie. They chose the lives they lead and ultimately they were responsible for what happened as well, but this is something that people rarely realize when they're hurting.
Hmmm...when you say that Narcissa doesn't care about anything, that's not really true. She doesn't much care what happens to her, she can't find anything left to live for, but as the story progresses you'll see that she still cares what happens to the rest of her family.
Anyway, thank you so very much for the lovely review. *huggles Suzie*
*dabbing eyes with tissue* Okay, okay... I didn't see it coming and I am such a sap. I LOVED how you wrote this! The way the story took a 180 degree turn was very effective and it was done with style. Like I said, I enjoyed it immensly.
Author's Response: *smiles* I was actually rather pleased with myself when I came up with this idea. I didn't originally plan to kill Narcissa or Draco. I was just reading through chapter one and the idea popped into my head. So I totally revamped the story. This ending is way more original than the other one. ;)
Thanks so much for all the reviews and I'm glad that you enjoyed the story.
The direction that you have chosen to take Blenkinsop Waterbut is intriguing. I like how he is so in tune with everything going on in her life and look forward to see what type of information he has for her and where he has come from. (or how he camew to be so insightful...) You have my attention!
Author's Response: Hehe, I know you have read the last chapter so you know why Blenkinsop Waterbut is so insightful. He was very interesting to write. Thanks for the review.
I really liked how you led up to the point of the Green Dragon appearing. It was nice to see some backstory and get a clear idea about what is going through her head before getting into the heart of the challenge. I look forward to the other chapters!
Author's Response: Thanks, Nicole. I'm glad you liked it. It seemed important to show Narcissa's distress before getting her to the Green Dragon.
First, I just want to say that Blenkinsop Waterbut (the name, not the person) always makes me laugh so hard that I almost fall out of my chair! :D
Okie dokie, now on to real review:
Wow, what a twist! I definitely did not expect Cissy (or Draco) to be dead! I'm happy for her though. Now she gets to be reunited with her family, and she's come to terms with everything.
The thing that I love about this story is that I got to see another side of Narcissa. I mean, sure, in HBP there are a few scenes that show her softer side, and that she cares for her son, but here I can actually understand what she's feeling.
Also, I loved that she was blaming Harry for everything. Obviously, not everyone is in love with him and praises him, but she outright hates him. I found that to be an interesting change from what I normally read.
One last thing, I promise! It's about Severus. It was so sweet how she considered him part of their family. In the books, it doesn't seem like there's anyone who truly loves him and cares for him. In his memories we saw that he had an abusive father and a mother who couldn't really take care of him, but here I saw that he actually had a family. Maybe not a biological family, but a family that loved him and cared for him. It was nice to read that Narcissa had sort of taken him in as a brother to her and Lucius, and un uncle-type thing for Draco. :)
Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: *dances around in utter happiness* You are the second person who didn't predict Narcissa's end. I was so worried that I over-did the foreshadowing. I am so happy that I didn't.
Oh, and as for Blenkinsop Waterbut, my biggest problem was spelling his name. I copy and pasted it every time. :D
I think Narcissa has a good heart, but her hatered for Harry is very sensible. He's not a big fan of her either. But she has a right to hate him. He was involved in one way or another with almost every horrible thing that happened to her family. And as she mentioned, if he had just died as a baby, things probably would have been a lot better for her family. Maybe a lot worse for most of the world, but she's really only concerned with her family. And in this particular story Harry has also killed Lucius, so I really feel that her hatered is justified.
As for Severus, I do believe that Narcissa and Draco care about him a lot. It seemed natural to me that Narcissa would consider him family.
Thanks so much for the review. I'm really glad you liked the story!
Oh my gosh, that was wonderful! It was so unexpected, even though you totally set up her death in the previous chapter. Great foreshadowing! What a fantastic idea, to turn the inn into a transition point for passing souls. It was so sad - when Waterbut told her the other figure was Draco, I went "Ohhh" out loud; and when she ran toward her husband and son at the end, I was a little misty-eyed, I must admit. I love endings that finish with a bit of hope, however bittersweet. I think it's amazing that you can do that with characters that JKR has rather firmly entrenched on the "wrong" side. Terrific job - good luck in the challenge!! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Hehe! Thanks so much.
I'm glad to hear that you didn't guess Narcissa's condition. I was worried I went a little overboard with the foreshadowing in the previous chapter.
And yes, poor Draco, but it seemed like the best way to go. If he ever returned to London he would have been thrown in Azkaban. It was indeed a very bittersweet ending.
Thanks so much for all of reviews. I'm really glad you enjoyed the story.
Very good! With a name like Blenkinsop Waterbut, I immediately pictured the innkeeper as a bit gruff and grouchy; I like your more cheerful version! I thought this line was very good:
"I lost my other sister because of it; and in the end, I lost them all because of it.”
The construction just made it stand out to me, it really seemed to sum up Narcissa's pain. I wonder where Waterbut is taking her??
Author's Response: When I first read the prompt for this challenge I thought that Blenkinsop Waterbut had be a cheerful kind person. He was meant to be there to comfort someone who truly needed it. At least, that was my take on him.:D
Thank you for the compliments and I'm glad you like it. :D
Great beginning! You really managed to set a sad, desperate tone for Narcissa here. As usual, you do a good job of making the reader feel sorry for these other characters. It will be interesting to see what Narcissa finds inside the Green Dragon! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: *smiles* I don't find setting a sad, desprate tone for Narcissa too difficult. Things just don't seem to go her way.
Thanks so much for the review and I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter.
Fairly good, I do hope it's not finishedd yet, though...brining Andy into the plot would be great! This fic wasn't as indepth as your others, but it is still fantastic! keep up the good work.
~The Tainted One
Author's Response: No, it's not finished. There's more to come...:D
Thanks for the review.
oh my gosh! it's so sad, plz keep updating i can't wait to see what happens next!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you liked it.
Yeyay! First review! Okay moving on. It's nice seeing how Narcissa sees what Voldy has done to ruin her life. Very intresting. Are you adding more? Or is this a one-shot? MJ
Author's Response: *smiles* There's more.;)
Thanks for the review.