Reviewer: electronicquillster
Date: 11/26/07 1:05
Chapter: Stalling

Well, Leslie, after much urging, I’m glad I read this, and yes I’m saying this on my review for chapter four and not five. I don’t know if I told you exactly how it happened, I think I only glossed over it. You said in your LJ that people should read it, but I didn’t do it then, even though you said it’s the best things you’ve written. After that you linked me to it, and I merely saved it in my bookmarks bar for sometime later. Well, that later happened when I wanted to just do a short bit of reading before going to sleep. Just a chapter, you see.

But I read the entire thing, instead, even though I should’ve gone to sleep directly after chapter one. I don’t know if it’s your absolute best, but I say that because I really like all of the stories you have written that I have read quite a lot. I think I would have to do a Leslie!story marathon in order to judge that more accurately. Suffice it to say that this is just a delightful story.

I could’ve reviewed the last chapter, but I wanted to do this one instead. I liked it particularly, you see. I think I would’ve liked to see more of the development of the relationship between Susan and Percy, but it wasn’t necessary. Just a want from a reader who loves really good romance stories. And though I would’ve liked to see more development, that is because I think you do it so well. As I said in my earlier review about you not playing Percy’s character up or down too much, it is the same with the romance in this story. It’s important, but the story deals with Susan, with Percy, with the atmosphere of the war around them, and with Percy’s relationship with his family... and yes, the romance. Your balance between all the different elements in their lives is very nice.

I thought the scene between Susan and Ginny was well-written. Susan’s quiet strength comes out, and so does the slightly sharp side of her personality - the side that is honest without fail.

I don’t think I can say enough about Susan’s character. Though she really does remind me of this girl I know that is particularly interested in Pine Trees, if truth be told.

I find the ideas you used in this story to be interesting considering the fact that DH didn’t exist when you wrote this. Everything is so very logical, like the fact that they didn’t have Hogsmeade weekends, but there were arrangements for family and friends to visit students inside the castle. The reconciliation between Percy and his family was very logical and fitting, as well.

Overall, I just loved this story. You’re a brilliant writer, Leslie.

Author's Response: I'm glad you read this too. Sorry it kept you up late, but...not really. I mean, yes really, but...*shuts up* I'd be interested sometime in what else you could say about Susan's character. I like that you reviewed this chapter, I appreciate it. Thank you. Perhaps sometime a sequel. Or a DH-compliant companion of sorts. It is on my to-do list. Thank you muchly for everything, Marie. Have a nice day! *D*

Reviewer: electronicquillster
Date: 11/26/07 0:51
Chapter: A Little Too Familiar

The opening line of this story is unique. A reader who had idly clicked on the story is immediately intrigued and pulled in to see exactly what sort of story this will be, since it started like that.

I must say that I admire Susan Bones very much. I see this quiet strength in her that I envy. I think I overcompensate sometimes for my own insecurities, but Susan does not do that. She is who she is, and nothing else. I feel like I really do know her by the time I’ve finished this story, but I’m getting ahead of myself. What I was trying to say was that I admire the way Susan’s character handles this difficult situation she is thrown into at the beginning of the story. It’s difficult to deal with the loss of someone, but she is strong and goes to the Ministry to collect the things from her aunt’s office anyway.

Then there’s Percy. Oh so pompous at first, it seems. “Good old Hogwarts.” Ugh. Such a trying-to-be-a-grown-up thing to say. But the thing is that it’s not pompous, it’s just Percy. That’s who he is, and you don’t play that up or down too much.

What I find interesting is that Susan has that quiet strength, yes, but that quiet aspect sort of follows her in every aspect of her life... To the point of her being almost unnoticeable to the casual passerby. I was reminded of the fact that Susan was in the DA, for example, because I really did not remember that, even though I knew it. I think that must be what Susan is like. However, once she is noticed, she is stuck pleasantly in a person’s head, as we see happens for Percy as the story continues.

I love character stories, and this is certainly that at its core.

Author's Response: Thank you for your nice review, Mar! I'm glad you delve into the characters like you do. And I'm rather fond of that opening line myself. :) And...thanks for reading. finally. Have a nice day! *D*

Reviewer: tc015
Date: 11/25/07 21:06
Chapter: Persuasion

Here’s my review for the first three chapters. I'll have another for the last two later.

It's interesting the dynamic between Percy and Susan. They both are very different in the way they interact with people; Susan is more open with people, while Percy is a bit anti-social. The one thing that they seem to have in common is that bond to family. Susan is extremely close with family, as you can see by the way she is devastated by Amelia's death. Percy is also very close to his family, though his relationship is extremely strained. Susan is the way he finally is able to reunite with his family. It's interesting to see how much Percy relies on Susan. But in a way, Susan also relies on Percy. His friendship is extremely important to her; she's able to talk about anything with him.

It's interesting how Percy and Susan meet at the Ministry. It's such a central part of both of their lives. For Percy, it's everything he has. With Susan, its importance is through her aunt Amelia, who means a lot to Susan. It's also intriguing how Percy attempts to use Susan as a way to spy on Hogwarts. I don't think he meant it to offend her; he geniunely seemed to like her when they first met. I think it shows Percy's lack of knowledge and common sense. I love how Susan managed to pick up on it in his letter. It really shows her strength.

I'm not sure how Susan would know about the rift between Percy and his family. I don't think Ron and his brothers talked about it a lot, and I'm not sure if this was hot gossip throughout the Ministry. Unless Amelia was extremely close to Arthur or Percy, I don't think she'd know. It seems like something the Weasley didn't talk about to anyone except for close friends and family.

I love Percy and Susan's interaction at the funeral. You definitely can see Percy's pride and Susan's temper. They both have strong personalities, and it really comes out here. It shows both their faults, which is great. I loved Percy's letter. It was nice to see Percy get over his pride. You know that it was probably hard for Percy, so made the letter even sweeter.

Percy is definitely growing; you can see this a lot in Chapter 3. I love the idea of Percy choking out an apology; it's completely unPercy-like, but it makes sense in way. It's hard for Percy to admit he's wrong; the apology shows how hard it is. I love how Susan's stack of letters from Percy seems to increase; it really shows how their friendship is growing. I also adore the idea of their having lunch every so often. It's good for both Percy and Susan because they both seem extremely lonely.

Susan blinked and tried not to smile at the image. “Perhaps things have changed,” she said quietly, remembering her thoughts at Dumbledore’s funeral. Impulsively, she grabbed Percy’s hand. “Oh, Percy, don’t you remember what I said? We need as many allies as we can get! Can’t you see that your family is the best allie you can have?”
I love this line. It shows Susan's wisdom, and it's a perfect thing to say to get Percy to go back to his family. Percy likes having friends to support him, so the image of his family as his ally would make him want to return to his family. (One minor thing. Allie should probably be ally.)

I love the idea of Susan being the force that reunites Percy with the Weasleys. Percy needs someone to motivate him to return to his family. Between his pride and fear of being rejected by them, it's hard for Percy to go and talk to them. I love how Susan does that for him; it really adds to the relationship.

Good job so far, and hopefully I'll have another review up soon.

~ Teresa

Author's Response: This is an amazing review, Teresa! Thank you! It means a lot to me when people really think about my characters and their motivations, and you really understand what's going on with these two! I think the way Percy and Arthur didn't talk to each other at the Ministry was pretty obvious, and I could expect Susan to overhear someone (i.e., Ron to Hermione) complaining about Percy. I'm glad you like the story. Or at least that you thought I did a good job. Thank you! *D*

Reviewer: darkpink_lily
Date: 02/10/07 22:16
Chapter: The Best Christmas Present

oooh nice endinng. i liked the story.

Author's Response: danke

Reviewer: darkpink_lily
Date: 02/10/07 22:16
Chapter: The Best Christmas Present

oooh nice endinng. i liked the story.

Author's Response: merci

Reviewer: darkpink_lily
Date: 02/10/07 22:15
Chapter: The Best Christmas Present

oooh nice endinng. i liked the story.

Author's Response: thank you

Reviewer: darkpink_lily
Date: 02/07/07 21:58
Chapter: A Little Too Familiar

interesting pairing. i like reading unusual pairings b/c they don't really involve the main characters so you don't get the usual story. i cant wait to see how you develop the story.

Author's Response: I like writing the unusual pairings. :)

Reviewer: Starmaiden
Date: 01/19/07 18:13
Chapter: The Best Christmas Present

Through the open door, she could hear Harry saying, “So that’s one step closer to defeating Voldemort. It’s the best Christmas present I can think of.”
Ah. I had to read that a couple of times before I got it, but I do get it. Harry’s developing an interesting point of view these days.

“You’re not engaged, are you?” Mrs. Weasley said in a very shocked tone.

“No!” Percy said, and let go of Susan’s hand. She rubbed it — it was white and bloodless. “I wanted to apologize!” he blurted. “I was wrong, I’ve been wrong, and I need to make it right.”

Awwww.

I like how Hermione gets the info from Susan and then badgers Ron into accepting Percy back. Very Hermione.

“Clearly, I can’t fool you,” Percy said heavily, as if the thought made him depressed.

“Nope, you really can’t,” Susan said. “Can I come meet your family now?”

“They can wait a few more minutes,” Percy replied, leaning forward again. This time, Susan didn’t complain that he was stalling.

Love the ending!

Lovely little story, very cute and sweet and nice. Yay.

Author's Response: Thank you Katie. I just went and thanked you publicly (i.e., on LJ) but might as well tell you again. Because I really do appreciate it. Have a nice day! *D*

Reviewer: Starmaiden
Date: 01/19/07 17:47
Chapter: Stalling

Ginny grinned at the thought. “You’re just saying that so I don’t worry about you in the clutches of my evil brother.”

“Perhaps,” Susan allowed, “but we’ve both come to understand that this is a time when we need all the allies we can get. Don’t you agree?”

Strangely enough, Ginny’s eyes filled with tears. “Yes,” she said softly, and Susan saw how much she missed Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who hadn’t come back to Hogwarts this year.

Interesting. It’s not Percy that Ginny’s worried about…but I like the way this little encounter goes. I thought Ginny might get angry.

This was different from her impulsive grab at his hand at their lunch — then she’d been so overcome with her determination she hadn’t felt any of these exciting sparks. She couldn’t quite catch her breath and she was not even cold anymore.

Dinner was interesting. Percy was too nervous to eat much, something that may not have been helped by Susan’s constant suggestions.

Very cute. I like how she sort of tries to figure out what’s going on.

“Your ally?” Percy snorted. “Yes, since that’s all I think of you as.” He leaned forward.

“Stop stalling,” Susan said, turning her face away quickly.

Oooh. Interesting. Good for her, though – Percy needs not to be distracted right now.

One more chapter!

Author's Response: I'm glad you agree with me about the way the story's going. Thanks for the review and have a nice day and *D*

Reviewer: Starmaiden
Date: 01/19/07 17:40
Chapter: Persuasion

She grinned as she remembered that first lunch. It had been more awkward than Susan had expected, not least because he stared like an idiot when he saw her.

“You look nice,” he’d blurted before pushing in her chair for her. Susan realized he’d never seen her except when she’d been crying.

Percy get a little more than he bargained for, eh? Hee hee.

… and indeed a letter had arrived from him the very next day, full of amusing little anecdotes about Ministry life.
I guess he writes better than he speaks. So do I, come to that.

Susan could tell that he missed them terribly and, in seeing that, began to fall for the person he might be if he had his family back.
Mmmm. So easy to fall for the people who might be…so hard to find out they still are who they actually are!

Great setup with Percy visiting, Ginny there, and this line:
“If they miss me so much, how come last Christmas I left with mashed parsnip on my face?” Percy retorted, trying to keep his voice steady despite his reddening ears.
And Susan almost smiles! Ouch!

“No!” Percy said, a little too quickly. “No, I’m not going to lose you as an ally.” He grabbed her hand back and squeezed it tight. “All right, I’ll do it. Just give me time.”
“An ally.” Hee hee!

“No,” Percy admitted, rubbing his nose. “I was there with Scrimgeour.”

“Tuh,” Susan said. She knew what that meant.

Gotcha.

So that’s how you got “seven” in! I like that! Again, it makes sense to me that Susan’d never really bother to count. It’s not something everyone does.

Author's Response: Oh, like you used anything different when you did your "seven." I really like reading your commentary on the story as it progresses. Thanks muchly! *D*

Reviewer: Starmaiden
Date: 01/19/07 17:34
Chapter: Try Again

Interesting start about Sally-Anne and Justin. It’s perfectly natural, but rather lonelifying. And good about Percy, too – after all, it is nice to know that people have feelings.

“Hello Susan,” he said, and Susan thought irrationally how he kept meeting her when her nose was red from crying.
Aww. If I were Susan, I’d be thinking, “Dang it. Blew it again.”

For only knowing a “few diplomatic tricks,” Susan does quite well.

Good detail on the paranoia around Susan’s house. It’s, again, natural, but so annoying!

Yes, she would love to meet him for lunch at his first convenient opportunity, please and thank you.
Nice, sweet wrap-up to the two chapters here. I like how light and sweet your writing tends to be – even the darker parts end optimistically, which is what I like :D

Author's Response: Well, you know me. I'm just such a happy person. I'm glad you like the optimism, too, Katie darlingest. Thank you for the review!

Reviewer: Starmaiden
Date: 01/19/07 17:26
Chapter: A Little Too Familiar

The Ministry was unused to its employees dying off suddenly. …. So when Amelia Bones went and got herself murdered . . . .
Everyone was far too busy to clean the office themselves now that Lord Voldemort was back, so they sent a letter by owl post to the next-of-kin, requesting that they take care of their deceased relative’s belongings at the first convenient opportunity, please and thank you.

I suppose it’s a little odd to really like lines about death – but maybe not so much. In any case, I think this is a brilliant start. It talks about Amelia but isn’t heavy, uses a little subtle humour to get across that. Very nice.

It’s nice how you give us a very unbiased portrait of Percy to start with. Almost always do we see him through Harry’s eyes, even if it’s not actually Harry we’re with. This is a good, simple physical picture of a Weasley.

“It’s good of you to come do this,” Percy said. “We’re all so busy here at the Ministry. You and your aunt were close?”

Her nose must still be red.

If I’m Susan, I’m thinking, “Dang it.” It just struck me as funny, which then again, it was supposed to be…I love the humour you’re using in this one.

True to his word, Percy Weasley did try to keep in touch — a few days later, Susan received a letter from him, saying how nice it had been to meet her and that he’d love to hear all the Hogwarts news if she ever got a chance.
Ouch. I mean, Susan’s perfectly justified, but since I already know this is a Susan/Percy fic  I feel rather sorry for the boy. He’s never been that well-liked, as far as we know, so this is just a little extra…ouch.

I will review the rest later! You are allowed to poke me and remind me if I take too long – I really do want to read the rest!

Author's Response: I do like poking...Anyway, thanks for your review. I'm glad you appreciate my humor...some people might not. I have to admit my characterization of Percy is largely dependent on other fanfics I've read, like Dinner with a Demon and Where Light and Shadow Meet. It makes me more sympathetic to him....This piece is VERY sympathetic to him. Obviously, if he's going to get the girl in the end. ;) Thanks again! *D*

Reviewer: DogLover4Life
Date: 01/19/07 5:11
Chapter: The Best Christmas Present

*GASP* I'M SO LUCKY TO BE UP AT SUCH AN EARLY TIME MY TIME TO GET TO READ THIS. Okay sorry, that was irrational.

Awww. This was such a great story! It had the perfect balance of fluff, drama and wit. It was so perfect! I especially loved how Percy just blurted out his apology. I don't know how else he would have been able to do it. Poor Susan's hand. I never thought Percy was a trader, I think he was just confused and made some bad choices.

I'm so happy they all accepted Percy's apology. Otherwise this could have been truly sad. But it's not so yay!

Author's Response: Wow! You must have been up pretty early to give a review at 5:11 a.m. my time! But I really appreciate it, especially since you enjoyed it so much. Yeah, poor Susan's hand. I didn't notice till now that for the rest of the piece he doesn't try to hold it...he must have realized what discomfort he'd caused (in more ways than one).

Reviewer: NickiGrint
Date: 01/17/07 18:13
Chapter: Stalling

Great story! I love random couples! 10/10

*clicks add to favorites*

Author's Response: ooh! Thank you! You shall be informed when the final chapter is validated. Random couples are love, I do have to say.

Reviewer: DogLover4Life
Date: 01/17/07 16:59
Chapter: Stalling

*GASP* Was he going to kiss her? *GASP* He knocked on the door. Will the trio be there? What will Ginny say? Do the Weasley's know Percy and Susan are coming? What will Fred and George do to Percy?

Author's Response: ;) Last chapter is in queue. All questions should be answered there. Thanks for your review! have a nice day! *D*

Reviewer: DogLover4Life
Date: 01/15/07 15:31
Chapter: Persuasion

...Wow. He just invited her? Just like that? He must really, really like her. But she's too young for him! Isn't she? She's what sixteen.. Oh well I guess he's not that much older. The age difference seemed larger before.

That reaction Ginny and Percy had with each other... It wasn't very promising was it? Let's hope all goes well.

Author's Response: I think he was very impressed with the way she handled him at the funeral. Susan always struck me as incredibly mature, anyway, so the five-year difference is shortened a little bit due to that. As for it all going well...*cough* It will be almost unbelievable, how well it goes. I should really rewrite that chapter.

Reviewer: DogLover4Life
Date: 01/15/07 15:23
Chapter: Try Again

Has he really changed? I'm not sure.... But you have his character down perfectly. Susan is very smart.

You accidentally put a "z" instead of an "s" in realized when Percy shook Susan's hand. Susan wasn't actually practicing the charms was she? If she was then she could get in a lot of trouble.

Author's Response: Well, she's 17. The Misuse of Magic Office won't catch her, anyway, because she lives in a magical household. But being of age she can do magic whenever she wants. I'm not sure he's changed either...but for the purposes of this story...we'll see. I always appreciate your reviews -- you are a careful reader and I really like that. Thank you!

Reviewer: DogLover4Life
Date: 01/15/07 15:10
Chapter: A Little Too Familiar

I soo wanted to read this but I never got the chance until now.

... Was he just trying to get information? Was he really? I really am not sure. Poor Susan. That is just terrible having to go through all of that stuff.

I think you made a mistake in the very first sentence of this chapter and I think you might want to fx it.

"The Ministry was unused to its employees dying off suddenly. "

I know what you meant and I'm sure your other readers do, but just thought I should bring it to your attention. Great start!

Author's Response: I'm...not sure what you want me to fx. It is a slightly awkward sentence, but I've written worse. If you're referring to the fact that Ministry employees die off all the time, I'm hoping people don't think that hard about it. Thanks for your review.

Reviewer: scotlandizdabest
Date: 01/13/07 15:49
Chapter: Try Again

I really like the story so far. Well Done xjaniex

Author's Response: Thank you. :)

Reviewer: scotlandizdabest
Date: 01/13/07 15:49
Chapter: A Little Too Familiar

good start to what i hope wil be an excellent story! x

Author's Response: I hope you enjoyed it!

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