P.S. I really liked the line 'The urge to fly to England and beat the chap up...' it reminded me of Harry when he first realised he liked Ginny in HBP.
Once again a wonderful oneshot. I'm so glad Penelope and Charlie found each other again. I just love your writing style, it's hard not to get caught up in the story. I often wish i could write so well, but then i read stuff like this and I realise, why bother when it's so much more fun to read.
This is quite an interesting predicament--Penelope caught between the two brothers. It's an entertaining story, though sometimes I felt like the plot wasn't realistic, and events were only included to give characters motivations, and hence jarred the flow. The ending is a little sudden, too.
The Charlie/Penny relationship is really cute. I really like the title. Kudos!
Author's Response: Thanks, Ren. Um...yeah. *cough* Realistic plot...that's so unlike me. I'm glad you thought it was cute all the same, though. :)
Oh, what a great setting! I really liked how the beginning of this story was set in the library. What a great way to get Percy, Charlie, and Penny in the same place at the same time. You wrote Penny’s thoughts well as her mind wandered to Charlie. I like how you gave us some reasons for why she likes him. It made her feelings more believable. I did wonder about them at first, since Penny does seem fond of Percy in the second book. But after reading her thoughts, I could definitely see her liking Charlie, and her feelings seem very accurate for a girl her age.
I really like what you’ve done with Percy’s character. He seems so different from what we usually see, but he still keeps the character traits that we see in canon. It’s nice to see him not acting as uptight when he’s around Penny. He still cares about studying and rules, but he doesn’t have such formal dialogue or the hostile exterior that he usually has. It’s nice to see a different side of his personality.
Another thing that I liked was how you added onto Charlie’s character. He is the least known Weasley in the series and we know such limited information about him. You paid attention to canon details as well as expanding his character just enough. You wrote him with an easygoing personality and a kindness towards everyone. You also show him struggle with his real life and he also compares himself to others a little. You made his character traits well balanced and expanded on his personality, which is necessary for writing him well as a main character.
With heart-wrenching determination, Charlie pinned on his green rosette and focused his mind on Quidditch — the thing he’d missed second-most these last years in Romania.
This sentence made me smile. I like how we know that the first-most thing he missed was Penny, but you don’t actually say that. It’s a nice, subtle reference to her that shows how much her cares for her.
A couple of grammar and spelling nitpicks…
Ron, on the other hand, towered over everyone in the room, including the brown-haired girl that followed him that Charlie didn’t recognize.
I would change the second ‘that’ to ‘whom’.
Probably fiarly busy with Healer training.
I’m assuming you meant ‘fairly’ here.
I like how they found each other in the end, but you leave it off not entirely finished. It made me wonder what could happen between them in the future. I like how this one-shot covers a long period of time, letting us see how their relationship developed over time. The letters were a great way of having them get to know each other better. That’s what really made Charlie start to like Penny as more than a friend and it was a great way to show how they really came to know each other. That’s one thing I really admire in this one shot – your creativity with the pairing. Not only the characters you used, but how you made their relationship work. You used some great ideas when you showed how they came to know each other. It all related to canon perfectly, and you didn’t forget to mention canon events that took place through that period of time. This was a great look at a pairing none of us ever consider. You made it very believable and very sweet. Great work! =)
Author's Response: *sigh* I think this is the review I was terrible about and didn't return. And this was such a wonderful review! How awful of me. Thank you for reading it so carefully and liking it! *D*
aww i love this fic. there should be a companion to it because the story certaintly isnt finished. very good, though
Author's Response: I will definitely keep that in mind! thank you for your review. :)
What a lovely unexpected pairing, and you're absolutely brilliant for having pulled it off! Congrats! I'm sure Sneaky_Rhae was VERY happy with her gift. :D
Anyway, I think the best part of this story is the way you make Penelope a girl that everyone can connect to. From pining after a hopeless crush, to stifling our compliments, even to settling for the safe choice (poor Percy!), I think every girl can relate to this character, and that makes her - and this pairing - very real.
You do a great job of showing and not telling. Instead of having a paragraph where Penelope talks about how much she loves Charlie, you include little details such as her wanting to miss class to read his letter, or her saying hello to him first over Percy and so forth.
My absolute favorite part of this story epitomizes why I think Penelope and Charlie could work. She knew Charlie wouldn't be looking for those sorts of comments from her; he got plenty of them from other girls.
Penelope can discuss with Charlie intelligently, cheer him up with witty letters, and Charlie makes Penelope smile. Percy doesn't make Penelope smile and none of Charlie's admirers have much depth. The idea that they find something in each other that they can't find elsewhere is a very powerful idea.
I'm actually surprised that Charlie returns Penelope's admirations. I could easily see this story ending as the classic unrequited crush plot. However, I think you really pulled off this ending well.
I'm a bit worried for Percy, on the other hand. :P
Great job, CA! Lovely read and truly good pairing dynamics!
Author's Response: Oh, Percy ends up with Susan Bones, of course. And thanks for your review! I didn't even consider making it an unhappy ending. I have happy endings ingrained into my soul. I'm glad you think I pulled it off well. thank you and have a nice day! *D*
Lovely! I KNEW Penelope couldn't have stayed with Percy! He's such a git, even before he turned against his family. And she always seemed like such a nice girl. I really like your personifications of her and of Charlie. From the snippets we've gotten about them in the books, it seems like they probably would have behaved that way. Well, maybe Penelope would have been a bit more like Hermione...but that's just personal opionion. I do like the way you've written her. And your writing is very nice and well done. It was a pleasure to read.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! And for thinking it was a good story, that too. :)
Wow. Being a procrastinatory sort of person, I’m always really happy when I come across a great story while trying to get my reviews done at the last minute, because reviewing a great story really is a lot of fun. And this one definitely counts. You got right into the characters’ heads, and really made me care for Penelope, which I wasn’t expecting. Who hasn’t had a terrible crush on an unattainable person some point? You captured it perfectly.
And she let him drag her away from Charlie — who was too busy for her, anyway. Aww! I love that you manage to get her feelings across without being too explicit about them. Instead of spending time trying to describe her emotions, you show how she feels. The part where she thinks about all the compliments she could give him about his flying was wonderful too…poor Penny!
I also really love what you did with Charlie, who, as you know, is one of my favorite characters. He’s so lively and full of life in this story – you include little details, like the way he bounds around after getting accepted, or the way his cloak billows – I can imagine him perfectly, always in some sort of excited motion.
“Thanks, Penny,” Charlie said, his eyes on his notes. “You’re always so sweet to me.” Again with the subtle character hints! Charlie is looking at his notes, not at her, and she obviously notices this – without going on for a paragraph about how she likes Charlie and he doesn’t notice her, you manage to convey the same feeling in a single sentence of dialogue. Wonderful example of showing, rather than telling.
It came as a twist for me that Charlie actually reciprocated Penelope’s feelings – I wasn’t expecting it and I really, really liked it. I think that Penelope (I like it that you call her Penny – a much better name, IMO!) is often looked down upon merely because she dated Percy, while in reality we know almost nothing about her. I love that they got together at the end, which I totally wasn’t expecting from your summary.
The more I think about this story, the more I like it. I have a thing for brothers/friends who fall for the same girl, and you did it particularly nicely – this story is going onto my favorites list! Any chance we’ll get more? >.>
Author's Response: gasp yay nan reviewed me and gasp oh no i never managed to finish my review for her. I'm so glad you liked it! You know, this story sort of asks for a sequel. Maybe sometime I'll have motivation to think about it....
Oh, that's great! His obsession for Penelope at the end was very realistic. I've felt that way, before, you know, checking every head in an extremely crowded place, hoping you'll see their head. That was really cool.
Author's Response: That part definitely comes from my own life. Like whoa. I'm glad you liked it. :)
You're welcome! :D
He really was very good at it; what a shame that he would prefer to work with dragons — he’d find out which Dragon Preserve he was going to work at soon. Penelope was excited about that.
Oh yay, you fixed it! I played with it a little, but I couldn’t figure out how to. Good job.
“Don’t have too much fun without me.”
“Is that possible?” Penelope murmured to herself as Percy grabbed her parchment to see how she’d gotten a particular answer.
I likee! Percy’s just – not quite on the same page as the rest of his family. He’s got, I think, his mother’s regard for rules without her immense love, so he ends up simply overbearing.
Your flying is incredible, Penelope thought. Every time you swoop by my heart flutters and I’m so disappointed you didn’t catch the Snitch.
So perfectly realistic.
I wonder why Percy is so different from his family. Of all the nine of them, he’s the only one who’s so pompous and stupid about rank and so on. It’s telling that Penelope will miss Charlie so much more (she loves him, but still) and Percy doesn’t seem to care.
Percy waved at her to join him at his horseless carriage. She hesitated, then saw that Charlie was there as well. She ran as fast as she could manage and plopped down in the seat next to Charlie.
I haven’t done anything like this, ever. No, really. >.>
Charlie’s initial struggle is good. I hadn’t ever thought that it might have been difficult for him to start, but this is quite realistic (I had something like this happen last semester, when I started college). It’s sweet that he turns to Penny in his struggle.
“Oh, no,” Percy said, narrowing his eyes at the letter. “Mum already told him about my becoming a prefect.”
I’ve already told you that I like this bit. Percy’s so wrapped up in school and rules that sometimes he forgets that there are other things in life.
There was no sign he’d ever think anything else. Percy, though, thought of her as more, right now. Instead of saying anything, she leaned into him and kissed him back.
How often do people (especially girls) take second-best because they can’t get the first? It’s sadly realistic, but very well portrayed.
“If there’s no threat, why are you so tempted to fly to Hogwarts and beat the chap up?”
With a groan, he buried his head in his pillow. Romania suddenly seemed much harder to bear with no letters from Penny to sweeten it.
I like the family reunion scene. You do a good job of showing everyone’s reactions, plus Hermione’s introduction, and so on. And typical, stupid Percy. I think that Charlie should just beat the chap up.
“Don’t go!” she said. “I haven’t finished apologizing yet.”
You know, this part probably shouldn’t make me happy -- “Dad, Ron, Harry, and Hermione are still missing,” Percy said flatly, holding a handkerchief to his bloody nose. He seemed to know who Charlie had met. -- but it does. Percy’s a well-established idiot.
I like the ending much better now. Getting rid of the glare really helped. I’m really starting to make myself wonder about Percy. Great job all around!
Author's Response: You almost seem to have a better handle on my characters than I do! :) I always appreciate your review, Katie dear. Even if it takes me 11 months to respond. This is an exemplary review. Thank you. :)
Awww! Yay they get together! That's so happy! Penny was just so sweet and I knew Charlie liked her back. And he tried to deny his feelings and then. *sigh* Aw this was so cute! Well except for the death eaters, they weren't cute.
Author's Response: Yay second review! I'm so glad you thought it was cute and happy and stuff. Sometimes romance is hard for me. And you're right, Death Eaters really aren't very cute. Thanks for your review and Have a nice day! *D*
I liked how you made this span a couple of years without it seeming confusing. Really clever; most people can't do that. :)
Author's Response: I'm glad you didn't find it confusing. It was hard for me not to put every single little detail or skip tons and tons, so I'm pleased that you thought it was a good way to go. Yay for first review! Thank you and have a nice day! *D*