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Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Chaser47 (Signed) · Date: 01/12/07 19:42 · For: Let the Game Begin
Sorry that this first chapter isn't very funny, I had to give things a little momentum. I promise, it will get funnier!

I don't think that it is necessary to apologize for your own writing. Readers usually understand that the first chapter is for getting the ball rolling. It is important to capture the reader's attention, but don't apologize for what you feel is what your story needs. :)

The fire was crackling merrily, and a feeling of sleepiness hung in the air over the stone floors, ornate rugs, and squashy armchairs.

I think the second half of this sentence has some unnecessary descriptions. It makes it feel heavy and only adds a small visual. If you leave off the second part, it flows a bit better as: The fire was crackling merrily, and a feeling of sleepiness hung in the air.

It was exactly the sort of evening that the Marauders: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew, hated.

Some punctuation critique here. The colon doesn't really fit in this sentence; it is used mostly for listing with no further description to follow. It reads better if you would change the colons to dashes, so it would be more like: It was exactly the sort of evening that the Marauders-- James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew-- hated.

I think that your characterization is done quite well. Everyone seems to be in character, and you don't fluctuate in and out of character for the Marauders and Lily like some authors tend to do. The personalities did seem a bit inflated, as if they were bigger than normal, but I can see that you might need that for the sake of humor.

The majority of your story was dialogue, and pretty ambiguously written. It might have been beneficial to add in some more emotions, maybe a bit more than just the occasional blush.

The ending of your chapter was very well done-- it left the reader wanting to come back for more. I love cliffhanger endings!

If you have any questions about my review, please feel free to PM me on the forums at Chaser74.

--Hanna

Author's Response: Whoa. Now, that is a review! It should really help me improve. Thank you!


Name: ginny_wizzy (Signed) · Date: 01/12/07 18:44 · For: Let the Game Begin
Oooh! I can't wait to read the rest!

Author's Response: Chapter 2 is being written right now. Hopefully, It will be up soon!


Name: hufflepuffjewel (Signed) · Date: 01/12/07 15:00 · For: Let the Game Begin
that was awesome!!!! though i dont think it should have gone in humor fics. but it was definitly a great story. have u written any more? love, hufflepuffjewel

Author's Response: Thanks! This is my first fic, but I'm working on a few more. I said in my author's note that this chapter isn't that funny, but it will get funny.


Name: madelynn (Anonymous) · Date: 01/11/07 19:47 · For: Let the Game Begin
oh , i like this one. i hope you'll be writing more soon, i can't wait for the rest! :D

Author's Response: I'm almost done with Chapter 2!


Name: Marauders_Girls (Signed) · Date: 01/10/07 22:36 · For: Let the Game Begin
uh oh!!! that was fuuny! i like sirius's dare he sooooooooo cant do that!

Author's Response: Well, we'll see who follows through!


Name: Transcendence (Signed) · Date: 01/10/07 6:17 · For: Let the Game Begin
Can't wait to see what happens next, update ASAP! :)

Author's Response: Don't worry, hopefully you won't have to wait long!


Name: HPAndHG4ever (Signed) · Date: 01/10/07 0:25 · For: Let the Game Begin
Wow I really like where this story is going! I hope you update soon!
HPAndHG4ever


Author's Response: Lots of people have been saying that...... I am slowly overcoming writer's block.


Name: izzyblue24 (Signed) · Date: 01/09/07 20:37 · For: Let the Game Begin
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! She's got to take that dare! I love this!

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks!


Name: Awakening16 (Signed) · Date: 01/09/07 18:55 · For: Let the Game Begin
oooh interesting very interesting!

Author's Response: Thank You! I'm glad it's interesting!


Name: SingingBird (Signed) · Date: 01/09/07 14:21 · For: Let the Game Begin
Uh-oh truth or dare. Excuse me, I forgot the double dare. :) Whats going to happen next?

Author's Response: Read on if you want to know what happens. Read on!


Name: ellienellie111 (Signed) · Date: 01/09/07 10:50 · For: Let the Game Begin
that is SUCH a cliff-hanger, you have GOT to write more!

Author's Response: Yes, there's nothing like an evil cliff-hanger to start things off.


Name: RupertsPheonix (Signed) · Date: 01/08/07 16:35 · For: Let the Game Begin
Ooh, I like where this is going! Heehee! Update soon!! =) --RP

Author's Response: I will! Don't worry, I will slowly overcome writer's block.


Name: Winged Artemis (Signed) · Date: 01/08/07 15:28 · For: Let the Game Begin
Ooh, lala!

I'm feeling really unconstructive at the moment, so I can't leave a lot of concrit, but I really liek where this story is going t,eh character development, and I can't wait for more!

Author's Response: I totally understand that. I'm glad you like it enough to attempt a review!


Name: Sly Severus (Signed) · Date: 01/07/07 19:28 · For: Let the Game Begin
Gee, they've really got a pick on Lily, haven't they?


This was cute. It reminded me of my school days when I used to play this, not for points though.


Anyway, cute start. I'm sure this will progress to some really interesting situations.

Author's Response: Yeah, poor Lily. Don't worry, she'll get her turn soon enough.


Name: silverstrand1 (Signed) · Date: 01/07/07 19:02 · For: Let the Game Begin
More!MOre!MORe!MORE!MORE MORE!
If I say it again will it go faster?

Author's Response: Actually, yes. The more positives I get from my readers, the more inspired I am to work faster!


Name: zarielona (Signed) · Date: 01/07/07 18:50 · For: Let the Game Begin
loved it... more more!!!

Author's Response: More should be up soon! I promise.


Name: cutiepoet (Signed) · Date: 01/07/07 17:39 · For: Let the Game Begin
omg--im cringing for more
write more soon
i'll be waiting for chapter 2 obsessively.
jk, but hurry up. it was awesome!

Author's Response: I'm trying to hurry. Writer's blcok is in the way, but I get little pieces to add on at random moments.


Name: Pottergirl (Signed) · Date: 01/07/07 16:24 · For: Let the Game Begin
“So? What will it be, Lily? Truth, Dare, or Double Dare?” Jessie asked again.

“I’ll take another Double Dare.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Jessie had a sly grin on her face. From the look on Sirius’ face, he and his girlfriend had something planned. “Lily, I Double Dare you to kiss James Potter, on the lips, for at least ten seconds.”

*snickers* James and Lily, sitting in a tree...Then comes Harry in the baby carriage!!!! 10/10

Author's Response: lol. I'm planning to have a little J/L action, but the main gocus will be on the game. I'll try to advance their relationship with Dares and Truths.


Name: kelly_58 (Signed) · Date: 01/07/07 16:12 · For: Let the Game Begin
love it! please update!

Author's Response: Whoops. I wonder why my resonse was submitted twice in the last review.


Name: kelly_58 (Signed) · Date: 01/07/07 16:12 · For: Let the Game Begin
love it! please update!

Author's Response: Thank You! Chapter 2 is half way done, but I have hit a writer's block.

Author's Response: Thank You! Chapter 2 is half way done, but I have hit a writer's block.


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