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Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: izzyblue24 (Signed) · Date: 01/23/07 16:56 · For: Round 2
Hey I can make a reveiw before the chapter comes our COOL!!! LOL! Now why doesn't it hurry up so I can actully reveiw the chapter! 1...2...3! Nope i thought that would work for sure! Darn!

Author's Response: Yeah, I think that's strange. Make sure you actually reviwe the chapter!


Name: some_kinda_superstar (Signed) · Date: 01/23/07 3:32 · For: Let the Game Begin
That was a fantastic chapter! I love where this is going. Very funny! Can't wait for the next chapter to get validated.

Author's Response: It's validated!!! Thank you for the compliments, I really appreciate them!


Name: deadsirius (Signed) · Date: 01/20/07 17:40 · For: Let the Game Begin
Hey great story. Keep on updating!!

-ds

Author's Response: Thanks! Chapter 2 is in the queue! (Hey, that rhymed!)


Name: hp_bookworm (Signed) · Date: 01/19/07 23:40 · For: Let the Game Begin
Hey I like your story so far, and the end of the chapter was starting to get really interesting :P. Please update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks! I am about to submit Chapter 2!


Name: Starlight23 (Signed) · Date: 01/19/07 14:43 · For: Let the Game Begin
Oooh, will she do it? Don't keep us hanging! Update as soon as you can!! This game is so brilliant; I'm telling my friends about it. Good chapter, keep up the good work! ~Bonnie

Author's Response: You'll have to wait until Chapter 3 I'm afraid.


Name: Inquisitive Quill (Signed) · Date: 01/17/07 23:42 · For: Let the Game Begin
ooooooo i wonder if lily is gonna blow her head at this dare!! hehe

Author's Response: Well you see in Chapter 3!


Name: sailor gal (Signed) · Date: 01/17/07 15:37 · For: Let the Game Begin
Don't stop there!!! It was great!!!

Author's Response: Sorry!!!! Don't worry, just a little while longer until Chapter 2!


Name: 2ENVY (Signed) · Date: 01/16/07 21:19 · For: Let the Game Begin
i like...

Author's Response: Good!

Author's Response: Good!

Author's Response: Good!


Name: marauder_leo (Signed) · Date: 01/16/07 8:35 · For: Let the Game Begin
I LOVEE IT!!!! hope u keep going, this is realy gd :) cant wait for the next chappiee.......... plzz rite it soon :)

Author's Response: I will keep going, I have several more chapters planned out in my head. The next chapter is with my beta, I have to wait for her to respond now.


Name: googlebrain (Signed) · Date: 01/15/07 11:54 · For: Let the Game Begin
heehee please update soon!
great story!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm trying to hurry!


Name: izzyblue24 (Signed) · Date: 01/14/07 14:02 · For: Let the Game Begin
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE... WHY Haven't u updated yet?

Author's Response: Becuase I'm still writing chapter 2!!!!!!


Name: sistenpotter (Signed) · Date: 01/14/07 10:38 · For: Let the Game Begin
this looks nice. I really look forward to more!

Author's Response: Whoo!


Name: sistenpotter (Signed) · Date: 01/14/07 10:37 · For: Let the Game Begin
this looks nice. I really look forward to more!

Author's Response: Thanks, Chapter 2 is proving to be difficult to write, but I'm doing my best.


Name: purple_pygmy_puff (Signed) · Date: 01/13/07 23:30 · For: Let the Game Begin
Ooh, poor Lily. Please update soon! :)

Author's Response: Yeah, poor Lily. Rough chapter for her.


Name: twerkytonks716 (Signed) · Date: 01/13/07 21:58 · For: Let the Game Begin
NEXT CHAPTOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEEEEEEEEEED TO READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's Response: It's coming, don't worry!


Name: phoenix_fille (Signed) · Date: 01/13/07 10:02 · For: Let the Game Begin
That is really funny! I love it, but update really soon!

Author's Response: Did you really think it was funny?! I'm flattered and surprised, as I didn't think that this chapter was that funny. Thanks, I guess I underestimate my self :)


Name: babekitty_92 (Signed) · Date: 01/12/07 22:53 · For: Let the Game Begin
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!
Okay, I'm hooked, please update soon!!!Well done!!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I'm trying to update as fast as I can!


Name: quiggler (Signed) · Date: 01/12/07 19:45 · For: Let the Game Begin
Sweet introduction, please continue!

Author's Response: Thanks! Chapter 2 is on the way.


Name: Chaser47 (Signed) · Date: 01/12/07 19:42 · For: Let the Game Begin
Sorry that this first chapter isn't very funny, I had to give things a little momentum. I promise, it will get funnier!

I don't think that it is necessary to apologize for your own writing. Readers usually understand that the first chapter is for getting the ball rolling. It is important to capture the reader's attention, but don't apologize for what you feel is what your story needs. :)

The fire was crackling merrily, and a feeling of sleepiness hung in the air over the stone floors, ornate rugs, and squashy armchairs.

I think the second half of this sentence has some unnecessary descriptions. It makes it feel heavy and only adds a small visual. If you leave off the second part, it flows a bit better as: The fire was crackling merrily, and a feeling of sleepiness hung in the air.

It was exactly the sort of evening that the Marauders: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew, hated.

Some punctuation critique here. The colon doesn't really fit in this sentence; it is used mostly for listing with no further description to follow. It reads better if you would change the colons to dashes, so it would be more like: It was exactly the sort of evening that the Marauders-- James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew-- hated.

I think that your characterization is done quite well. Everyone seems to be in character, and you don't fluctuate in and out of character for the Marauders and Lily like some authors tend to do. The personalities did seem a bit inflated, as if they were bigger than normal, but I can see that you might need that for the sake of humor.

The majority of your story was dialogue, and pretty ambiguously written. It might have been beneficial to add in some more emotions, maybe a bit more than just the occasional blush.

The ending of your chapter was very well done-- it left the reader wanting to come back for more. I love cliffhanger endings!

If you have any questions about my review, please feel free to PM me on the forums at Chaser74.

--Hanna

Author's Response: Whoa. Now, that is a review! It should really help me improve. Thank you!


Name: ginny_wizzy (Signed) · Date: 01/12/07 18:44 · For: Let the Game Begin
Oooh! I can't wait to read the rest!

Author's Response: Chapter 2 is being written right now. Hopefully, It will be up soon!


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