MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: MissMeg (Signed) · Date: 04/30/11 6:34 · For: Poor Ronald
I loved how you began this piece. I felt that you really portrayed the nervousness both Ron and Hermione had about Ron’s meeting with Hermione’s parents well. Throughout the first five paragraphs, you gave me a beautiful mental picture of how Ron and Hermione were acting. The thing I really liked was that through the extremely vivid mental picture you provided, Ron’s and Hermione’s thoughts were apparent to the reader. I think how you avoided telling the reader that both Ron and Hermione were apprehensive, and rather allowed the reader to assume that based on the body language and actions you described so vividly positively affected the piece.

In the next paragraph, the line, “Ron first noticed how much he would like to run to the nearest potted plant and spill his guts,” made me stop for a moment. Your use of the word “first” made me expect a list to follow. Because no list followed, I felt that your use of the word “first” made the paragraph sound somewhat awkward. If this were my piece, I’d remove the word first, or possibly include some type of list. (“Ron first noticed how much he would like to run to the nearest potted plant and spill his guts,” then he realized that there wasn’t a single potted plant in sight.”)

I really liked how you described Ron’s first encounter with Mr. and Mrs. Granger (paragraphs 7-9). To me, it felt quite realistic. I thought that the way you described Ron’s voice as “shaking slightly” very nicely conveyed the way Ron was feeling. The only thing that didn’t sound quite right to me was this piece of dialogue, “Mother! I’ve missed you too. You know Ron, Mum.” It somewhat confused me that Hermione greeted her mum as Mother, but then referred to her later as Mum. I would assume that Hermione would either address her mum as Mother or Mum. I personally would have Hermione address her mum as Mum rather than Mother, as mum is the more informal of the two. In the Harry Potter series, I believe the only people who refer to their mothers as Mother are Malfoy and Percy. I would guess that Malfoy does it because he thinks it sounds more ritzy than Mum, and that Percy does it because he thinks it sounds more ritzy, formal, and adult. I don’t see Hermione as being nearly as pretentious as Malfoy or Percy, or being as formal. Though, technically she could call her mum either. However, I think that a. addressing her mum by title/name twice in two sentences doesn’t sound very typical, and b. using both formal and informal titles so close together sounds quite right to me.

I found it somewhat strange, that Hermione was introducing her fiancÚ to her parents in their office. The fact that the meeting was obviously planned, made the situation sound a bit more odd to me. I personally imagine Hermione as organizing a family dinner for her parents to meet Ron. Also, the probability of meeting while Mr. and Mrs. Granger were working seems even stranger. When Mrs. Granger said, “Sweetheart, come out here and greet your daughter! Let Jessica attend to Peter, come out, quick!” very much jumped out at me. I already said that having the meeting while Mr. and Mrs. Granger were working didn’t sound particularly responsible to me. The fact that Mr. Granger left a patient to come meet Hermione and Ron didn’t seem realistic to me. When he didn’t immediately return to the patient, it didn’t seem ethical at all. I would assume that Hermione’s parents were very responsible, because they raised Hermione. Hermione is unarguably an obsessively responsible person. I would guess that part of her responsibility comes from her parents, which makes Mr. Granger leaving a patient seem unrealistic to me.
I really liked how you portrayed Hermione’s annoyance. I could completely picture her fuming about he parents behaving like that. Though, I think she would have stepped in. Hermione does seem very respectful throughout the books, but I can’t imagine her not saying something to stop something she thought was getting completely out of hand.

I found Hermione’s parents examining Ron’s teeth and even putting a cavity in slightly unrealistic. First of all, I know doctors won’t care for a member of their family, due to ethical issues. I would guess that these basic ethics apply to dentistry. I can see Mr. and Mrs. Granger asking Ron which dentist he sees, but I can’t at all imagine them actually cleaning his teeth and putting a cavity in. First of all, for all Hermione’s parents know, Ron could have a dentist. I don’t think that caring for someone’s teeth without having their dental records is realistic. They don’t know if he’s allergic to novacane (which I’m assuming they used, judging from the way Ron’s speaking afterward).

On the whole, I thought that your writing was lovely. Throughout pretty much the whole story, I felt that you did a fabulous job showing the character’s emotions and personalities through their actions.


Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review Meg, I lurveee you :) You really gave me insights to things that I didn't even notice before! I wish I had more time to respond, but I've got to go, so let me end by saying: You rock! -Danielle

Name: Hermiones BFF (Signed) · Date: 04/17/08 22:42 · For: Poor Ronald
AWWWW!!!! Poor Ron!!!

Name: moldy999 (Signed) · Date: 12/06/07 11:22 · For: Poor Ronald
aaaw poor ron what a way to meet miones parents lol i like it, no, i love it onto my faves it goes

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

Name: FenrirG (Signed) · Date: 08/02/07 0:11 · For: Poor Ronald
Aww, I absolutely loved this story!

Now, I'm usually the anti-Ron/Hermione sort, but I found this story absolutely delightful. It was the perfect mix of substance and fluff; it's adorable from start to finish. Both Ron and Hermione are delightfully in character, and it was such a cute, creative idea... I loved it! Once again, great job. =] This is amazing.

Author's Response: Thanks Fenn, you're wonderful. Always happy to please Ron/Hermione haters. :-)

Name: Crows (Signed) · Date: 06/03/07 16:40 · For: Poor Ronald
Awwww! So cute!

Author's Response: Thanks :-)

Name: girl_in_love (Anonymous) · Date: 02/28/07 1:13 · For: Poor Ronald
very vague but definitely funny.an extremely cute idea, ron daring to suffer a root canal for his true love! unique!!!!! =)

Name: girl_in_love (Anonymous) · Date: 02/28/07 1:12 · For: Poor Ronald
very vague but definitely funny.an extremely cute idea, ron daring to suffer a root canal for his true love! unique!!!!! =)

Author's Response: You thought it was vague? Sorry, I didn't realize it. Thanks for reviewing!

Name: Emilylightof flamel family (Signed) · Date: 02/04/07 1:04 · For: Poor Ronald
adorable.. =]

Author's Response: Thank you, I was hoping everyone would think it was.

Name: Snapes_secret (Anonymous) · Date: 01/26/07 19:40 · For: Poor Ronald
That was incredibly adorable! The nervousness on Ron's part was perfect. My favorite line was "I luff yous, Erminny."

Keep writing, wherever your path leads you.

Author's Response: You're a treasure. :-)

Name: lucilla_pauie (Signed) · Date: 01/16/07 5:00 · For: Poor Ronald
oh, very funny! ^_^
im laughing, so im speechless!

Author's Response: Thanks

Name: funkylizard3 (Signed) · Date: 01/14/07 11:32 · For: Poor Ronald
tee hee. poor ron! ^.^

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

Name: beauty and brains (Signed) · Date: 01/12/07 22:47 · For: Poor Ronald
Aww! This was just to cute! And you don't ever see the actual dentist side of things in any other stories! Very well done! Loved it! :] ♥

Author's Response: Thanks, and enjoy your banner!

Name: Champion_Shoes (Signed) · Date: 01/09/07 19:45 · For: Poor Ronald
wait? are they married or what? i'm confused

Author's Response: Er...well they're engaged, but that wasn't really the point.

Author's Response: Sorry, forgot to say thanks for reviewing :-)

Name: MagicalMaddie331 (Signed) · Date: 01/08/07 21:14 · For: Poor Ronald
Tehe, that was very sweet, and original. I'm giggling. Like, on the inside. This fic gives me happy feelings :)

Author's Response: Aw, thanks!

Name: chislarina (Anonymous) · Date: 01/07/07 2:15 · For: Poor Ronald
Thanks so much for doing this story for me. I really appreciate it. I love the way you write.
Thanks again,

Author's Response: More than happy to.

Name: doubelieveinmagic23 (Signed) · Date: 01/06/07 19:05 · For: Poor Ronald
that was funny and cute! :-)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing

Name: DracoLuva4684 (Signed) · Date: 01/06/07 13:52 · For: Poor Ronald

Author's Response: Thanks

Name: notabanana (Signed) · Date: 01/05/07 22:19 · For: Poor Ronald
SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was so warm and fuzzy. Loved it!

Name: notabanana (Signed) · Date: 01/05/07 22:18 · For: Poor Ronald
SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was so warm and fuzzy. Loved it!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

Name: A_Pink_lady (Signed) · Date: 01/04/07 14:17 · For: Poor Ronald
That was funny! Poor ron, just his luck he'd go to meet his gf parents and get his teeth done! lol. Very well written!

Author's Response: Thanks. I was hoping it would be funny, I wasn't sure I've never attempted humor before.

You must login (register) to review.