I do like this. It's so fresh and different from what we normally see in a romance pairing.
It's a bit surprising, really - the end is so sudden. One almost expects the hints of attraction to be there in the narration, or the character's thoughts, but this is so utterly devoid of them. It's very refreshing. You keep the reader guessing.
At the same time, while that tactic is different and fresh, perhaps because of it, that sudden ending doesn't seem to fit. Why does she kiss him? Is she actually attracted to him, or is it a green tea-induced madness? I would love to see more exposition on the WHYs of the story.
Overall, dearest, it's really quite cute and clever!
I love how you start out with such a happy scene, Steph, describing the smiling sun and happily-splashing water. Hardly a paragraph into your story and you've already got me grinning!
It was an ugly sight, and Tonks didn’t bother to pick it up.
I like this contrast between the jovial scene you began with and this apparently ugly sight. It mars the overall picture only slightly enough that it keeps it interesting and not entirely too light.
Ha, she though. How dare he.
*magically changes "though" to "thought"*
‘Look,’ said Bill. ‘Let’s get this over and done with, alright? You’ve probably never done this before-’
I suppose that you meant Charlie here, not Bill? Unless Bill was there too and I missed it, but I'm pretty sure you mean Charlie. All of those Weasleys do get mixed up!
I thought that your characterization of Tonks was great. You expertly mixed in her clumsiness while still letting a few mistakes slip through the guards she had against it. You could see through your descriptions that she was still distraught over something-- maybe the stress of protecting Hogwarts, but a bit of the old Tonks still came out, especially at the end. Tonks has always been one of my favorite characters because she has always seemed to me to be so spontaneous, not completely thinking through everything that she does. I love the spontaneity of the kiss she and Charlie share at the end of the story.
I also loved your characterization of Charlie. I liked the little details that you weaved together to make a whole character, such as the way he blushed when Molly hugged him and the dragon burns on his arms. Small things like that really add up in the reader's mind to make a fully-formed character.
Another thing I liked about your story was the dialogue. It was light-hearted even when Charlie and Tonks were yelling at each other, almost if the entire time you knew it was more of a lovers' quarrel than an actual screaming match. Your dialogue always seems very natural-- more like an actual conversation than something scripted.
Nice job, Steph! I really enjoyed this one-shot.
Author's Response: This was a bit of a rushed one-shot, so I really appreciate all the correcting and all the adive, Hanna! It seems ages since we've talked, I miss it! I'll get back to this when I have the chance, I think!
Lovely one-shot. I am more of a fan of Lupin/Tonks, but this was very well-written and believable. The tension and arguing between them both was great. The emotion was really conveyed in your writing.
Charlie has very little characterization in canon, and I thought you did a good job fleshing him out as both cocky and bright. As for Tonks, props to you for keeping her very much in character the entire time.
Dishwashing was a Muggle chore, and she was absolutely hopeless at it, but the repetitive monotony of submerging one’s hands in water and scrubbing at it with a brush was character building indeed.
I really liked this line. It shows how Tonks is relying on simple tasks to keep herself alive and not fall into a complete shell.
The only thing I found odd was that Charline and Tonks had never met. Both are around the same age, they most likely would have attended Hogwarts together. And both are members of the Order, so they might've met, however briefly, there as well. Overall though, a very enjoyable piece, well done.
Author's Response: Mm! I've been considering the whole "how could they not" thing, but I think at the time with a pairing that I was assigned, when my inital reaction was... Whaaa? I think it was an idea that popped into my head and I ran with it. I'm planning on re-writing it in some time, so I'd really love to see you back when I do :)
MATE. Guh. I totally read this way back when you first submitted it, and I fell in love with this pairing immediately! You ... just ... wow ... and they ... and then that kiss ... and the name-calling ... guh.
Where did you come up with this idea? It's absolutely brilliant! I love the way Tonks and Charlie interact. You've characterised them so awesomely, and it's so clear that they go together like puzzle pieces. Of course, in this little snapshot they're only fighting with each other, but I can tell that their ability to read each other will be key in their relationship.
And holy wow! The sexual tension! Gah! Amazing, Steph. I wasn't sure how you were going to get them to reconcile, but that just grabbing and snogging to shut him up was perfect.
And now, although you know I have absolutely no skill or experience in this arena, I must say I would have liked to see the kiss scene extended just a teensy bit more. Maybe shock that they enjoyed it so much? What exactly was Tonks thinking when she grabbed him like that? What did she think afterwards? I love that you leave it up to our imagination, but ... well, that's just me being a hopeless romantic, even if I can't write it very well!
And really, that's the only critique I have. This whole one-shot is just absolutely lovely and it's just love. I would totally read more of this pairing from you, Steph dear. *hugs*
Author's Response: I love you, my Abbi. My Abs, my ABu. I love this review. Because.. you basically brought out the playfullness & hints at the possibility for smut >.> (wink wink, nudge nudge, thrust thrust!) and I'll be extending that little scene. I don't usually compromise my fiction, but this was a little bit of a rush job, and I regret it a little. So thanks for the help, love!
hmm... am i allowed to say i dont like the ship? I like the story. really. =D
Also, i dont see how Tonks could have known the Weasleys for so long without meeting one of them...
Its not that i dont like it, i do, especially how they are fighting to the point of.. er kissing =D Just dont like the ship. k?
Author's Response: LOL I wrote it for a rairpair, meaning that a) someone else requested the shipping and b) it was the most normal of all the ships choices I was given. I was filling in for someone at very short notice. And I think I was thinking that Charlie lives in Romania etc etc :) heart you!
My first review from Hungary! :: cough :: Yes. Anyway, I enjoyed the byplay between the characters a lot. I love watching Molly Weasley bossing people around, and I particularly enjoyed your characterization of her, especially when she calmly repaired the plate that Tonks had dropped. Her brisk common sense comes through very clearly and makes great mental images as well.
All right. Nitpicking. My one major criticism is that it simply doesn’t seem plausible to me that Tonks would neither know nor recognize Charlie. Even if he has been in Romania for most of the past few years, all the Weasleys are fairly recognizable and I’m sure that Molly would have shown Tonks some pictures at some point. Additionally, they’re of similar ages (or so it would seem) and both attended Hogwarts, so we might also expect them to at least know each other’s faces from their school days.
I really liked the visible friction between the characters –– you made the emotions quite palpable. However, they both seemed to be acting rather immature for their ages, especially when they argue in the garden. It’s true that when people like each other they tend to act much less mature than usual when around each other, but even still they seemed more like sixteen or seventeen year olds than people in their mid-twenties. I’m not objecting to the playfulness –– we have certainly seen a playful side of Tonks, and I’ll happily believe that Charlie has one too –– but I think that to more accurately reflect their ages they could be slightly more controlled; most people get calmer as they age. Or you could make a point of how messing around in such an unrestrained manner is very unusual for them, if you were going to go back and make changes (which I understand is often simply not a priority for any of us, so feel free to ignore).
A smaller nitpick: Compared to the chink of a glass as it hit the floor, why, a plate seemed almost crude as it hit the ground and splayed across the floor. This should be a parallel construction, so it should be ‘the sound of a plate’ rather than simply ‘a plate,’ since you are comparing it to the ‘chink of glass’ (which is wonderful word choice, by the way).
All that said, you did a great job of showing rather than telling and also of conveying the characters emotions as they interact. Your writing is lively and exuberant (much like you), which gives it freshness and makes it enjoyable to read. :: hugs ::
Author's Response: YAY LIAN!
Aside from that >.> I know what you mean with the immaturity levels :) I think that, now I actually have enough time, that I'll go in and change it. Thank you for the heads up. And "the plate" makes more sense that way! I hadn't considered the way they'd know each other >.> I forgot she was younger than Sirius, but old enough to know the Weasley boys *sigh* I'll work it out, hun! Enjoy Hungary!
oooh squee. I always thought she should have ended up with Charlie... even though it WAS fanfiction that made me think this... oh well. yay Steph!
4 down, 8 to go. I will fulfill that vow-thing! Bellatrix can't have me! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!
sorry. I've been doing Geometry far too long. 10/10, and spectacular as always!
Author's Response: You're insane, chicken. I love it. I'm so glad you plan to review all of them *hugs you*
Perfect! I've been wishing for a good Tonks/Other Character. Remus is good, but he gets old after awhile. That was good. She really should have ended up with a Weasley.
Author's Response: Thank you! I love this little review. *squishes* I like the idea of a Weasley, but i also love Remus!
n different too
Author's Response: Thank you!