wow. i just came across your story by chance and now i'm glad i did!
you have a really nice style of writing. i like the feel of the story and how you made a small little tree stand out so that it was no longer a 'small little tree' but actually really important to the characters.(if you get what i mean)
it's quite sad actually because they're looking forward to what they want to happen but of course we all know whats going to happen in the next year. :(
despite that, i feel really christmasy now! which is good- i like christmas and it's nearly here!
keep writing- it's definatley worth it!
Aaah, that was sweet. I love how you related different characters to things from nature or Christmas. Very nice. :D
Author's Response: Thank you Lluvia! :) I think it's fabulous of you to enjoy Christmassy things in midsummer - lol, in fact I think you've extended the shelf-life of this story by doing so. :D
Beautiful. I'll leave a longer review tomorrow but I must go! *hug*
Author's Response: Thank you, dear friend. No pressure. =)
Aww. That's like sad and pretty. Kind of like The Violin Teacher. In both, you seemed to know how to make simply things relevantly symbollic. Congrats.
Author's Response: Thank you twice, House Elf, for this review and its mention of "Violin". I really appreciate it. I fear me I never get away from slightly sad tales - I think it's because of Remus. I know you'll understand that. =)
Your writing style is so lovely. The premise of the story is very original and lovely too, set in the awkward time where Remus and Sirius are growing apart. But they can grow together through the magic of the Christmas-spirit tree, as you called it there at the end.
The descriptions of nature are breathtaking. I especially like the paragraph about the moon waltzing her Christmas waltz. However, the way you describe most things is evocative and sends a very nice picture to my mind.
I really like your characterizations, especially the characterizations as revealed by the other characters. Remus and Sirius are plagued by mistrust and worry and nostalgia, and they see things that before were just parts of their character and now are...worrisome. When Remus says something simple about his present to Harry, for example.
My favorite part is the dressing of the Christmas tree. The decorations you chose were so apt and correctly symbolic for what they were to symbolize. Fireflies for Harry, irises for Lily, and the garland of icicles for James. I loved the part where Sirius tells Remus about what Lily said about James and garlands, especially when Sirius clarified, “When everything reminded her of James” because that seemed so true to me. I’ve had crushes and not been able to look at a single thing without tying it to my current flame. So amusing.
“Transfiguration’s a breeze” was another of my favorite lines. So very much Sirius. I like how you’ve incorproated what we know of the characters into a story. It makes me rather desire to read “Something Out of Nature” again because of the superlative characterization there too.
I was impressed with your syntax but I did manage to find a couple misplaced commas after much fine-tooth combing. In two separate instances, you have Remus/Sirius said, adverbly. The comma (the adverbs are lightly and humorously respectively) is unnecessary. And also “Eastern” needs no capitalization. But other than that it was very beautifully written.
As usual, I could go through every single sentence and say what I like about it and stuff, but I think I’d better not. Wonderful work, stardust.
Author's Response: Once again, Cinderella_Angelina., I find I don't know how to respond to a review of yours. You read intuitively and it's immensely gratifying to hear your responses. Thank you seems trite, but - thank you.
You liked the Christmas waltz? =) I have to give kudos to a fellow writer (The_Half_Blood_Prince on here) who suggested that I try to personify non-human things and see what arises. It's an experiment for me but a fun one.
You know, I would have felt uneasy crediting such words to Lily if I didn't know the feeling myself! Crushes have a way of dominating thought, don't they? I hope many, many more readers can relate and share the laugh.
And I'm so glad you didn't think Remus and Sirius out of character - I've never written them together, before, and this was so rushed for the "Winter Tales" challenge that I feared they'd fall completely flat. (Thanks a million for fine-combing, by the way. I'm going to edit the story as soon as this is submitted).
You remember "Something out of Nature". I am officially obliged! Thanks again.
That was very nice. I havn't read many fictions showing Sirius's point of view in the lead up to Lily and James' betrayal and it was refreshing to find an adult Sirius who is not yet the angsty godfather we see after his years in Azkaban. Your portrayal of this worried yet still fun-loving Sirius is most definatly true to canon.
Your imagery with the tree was lovely, the fireflies were glittering before my eyes as I read it. I loved how they used the natural surroundings to decorate their tree, it seems very Marauderesque although I'm not too sure why, perhaps because they always make something out of what they have.
I would've liked to have found out a bit more about Remus. At one point you say;
"Want to head back?"
"Do you mind staying here a bit longer?"
"Sorry," said Sirius. "I forgot."
What exactly did Sirius forget? Is there a reason why Remus needs time after his transformation to recover, is this a normal thing for werewolves? If you ever considered a re-write of this story, not that it really needs it, I believe a little more of Remus's story would add just that extra little detail that would make this fiction even better.
A thoroughly enjoyable one-shot. Well done and thank you!
Author's Response: Thank YOU, Roxy! =) Judging by your screename, you're a Sirius fan, so I'm glad you think I did okay with his characterization! I love how you say he and the Marauders always make something out of what they have - I've never heard it put that way but it really encapsulates their spirit.
Ahh, I was a bit vague there. All that was meant by it was that Remus was very tired after the transformation - thus he had to rest by the tree. I do hope to do a rewrite!! This was done for a contest and I finished with 15 minutes on the deadline! With that in mind, I'm more than grateful for the feedback, as it'll help me with a second-draft. (And writing more of Remus is easy advice to heed! The other two stories I've written are of him, and truth be told, I didn't expect this to be the story where I'd give Sirius a go =))
Thanks again, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year. =)
It's great :) and very well written... a bit melancholic but also hopeful... sirius and remus are my favorite characters, it's so sad that they'll distrust each other even more :(
Author's Response: Thanks, nala! I know what you mean; Sirius and Remus are my favorites, too, and it tears me up to think of them at this stage!
That was so amazing and meaningful! Everyone should read it!
Author's Response: Thank you very much!