Reviewer: XenaTwin
Date: 07/03/11 15:41
Chapter: Chapter 1

I really liked this. It was very vivid and very funny and reminded me very much of the song from the Hobbit about the Dwarves breaking all the china. So carefully, carefully, with the plates. :)

Reviewer: wendelin the wierd
Date: 02/18/07 8:26
Chapter: Chapter 1

Alright, my HTML got messed up in the last one.

Let me warn you that this is the first werewolf poem I have read so please bear with my ignoble rants. I would like to start off by saying how much I loved your description of the werewolves; cute and cuddly on the outside but ferocious and savage on the inside. Actually, I can’t imagine werewolves as being cute and cuddly so this part actually made me giggle. Now, I shall proceed to dissect this poem.

His fur is fresh and faintly grey
those eyes are like a summer’s day
but deadly wolves will rip you right apart.
Don’t call him down for dinner;
likely you will be thinner,
after he knocks you down and eats your heart.


The way you have described a werewolf in the beginning of the paragraph is wonderful. They seem so clean and fresh. The simile used there is very effective. By saying that the eyes are like a summer day, the reader gets the impression of cheerfulness and innocence. However, I would suggest removing the ‘right’ in the third line; it doesn’t contribute to the imagery and disturbs the rhythm of the poem. The third, fourth and fifth lines are perfectly balanced.

Those claws beneath those cuddly paws,
those sharpened teeth in gaping jaws,
they’ll tear the paint right off your flawless home.

There is a problem with the third line in this stanza as well. Again, I think that flawless can be removed. Here it does give a strong impression to the reader but it disturbs the rhythm. So now you have to ask yourself, do you want rhythm or imagery?

“Hey, Prongs, dinner at your house tonight?”
“Er, sorry, Moony, but it’s a full moon and—“
“Come on, it will be like the old days.”
“Sorry, I have to set my alarm clock. I got to go.”
“…Prongs?”


I like how you reflect Remus’ character and it links the whole poem about the werewolf to cannon. However, I don’t think that James’ would ever reject Remus like that. James never cared that Remus was a werewolf and would never have rejected him for it, no matter how dangerous it proved to be. So, you have a slight characterisation error there.

Overall, I found your poem to be quite expressive; it conveyed the right amount of emotions to the reader. Both regret and humour were reflected throughout the poem. You manage to get your point across even with a simple word choice. A nice job indeed.

Reviewer: wendelin the wierd
Date: 02/03/07 23:31
Chapter: Chapter 1

Let me warn you that this is the first werewolf poem I have read so please bear with my ignoble rants. I would like to start off by saying how much I loved your description of the werewolves; cute and cuddly on the outside but ferocious and savage on the inside. Actually, I can’t imagine werewolves as being cute and cuddly so this part actually made me giggle. Now, I shall proceed to dissect this poem.

His fur is fresh and faintly grey
those eyes are like a summer’s day
but deadly wolves will rip you right apart.
Don’t call him down for dinner;
likely you will be thinner,
after he knocks you down and eats your heart.


The way you have described a werewolf in the beginning of the paragraph is wonderful. They seem so clean and fresh. The simile used there is very effective. By saying that the eyes are like a summer day, the reader gets the impression of cheerfulness and innocence. However, I would suggest removing the ‘right’ in the third line; it doesn’t contribute to the imagery and disturbs the rhythm of the poem. The third, fourth and fifth lines are perfectly balanced.

Those claws beneath those cuddly paws,
those sharpened teeth in gaping jaws,
they’ll tear the paint right off your flawless home.< I>

There is a problem with the third line in this stanza as well. Again, I think that flawless can be removed. Here it does give a strong impression to the reader but it disturbs the rhythm. So now you have to ask yourself, do you want rhythm or imagery?

“Hey, Prongs, dinner at your house tonight?”
“Er, sorry, Moony, but it’s a full moon and—“
“Come on, it will be like the old days.”
“Sorry, I have to set my alarm clock. I got to go.”
“…Prongs?”


I like how you reflect Remus’ character and it links the whole poem about the werewolf to cannon. However, I don’t think that James’ would ever reject Remus like that. James never cared that Remus was a werewolf and would never have rejected him for it, no matter how dangerous it proved to be. So, you have a slight characterisation error there.

Overall, I found your poem to be quite expressive; it conveyed the right amount of emotions to the reader. Both regret and humour were reflected throughout the poem. You manage to get your point across even with a simple word choice. A nice job indeed.


Author's Response: Thank you for the detailed review, I very rarely recive them! As often the case with humour poetry, some of the word choice was a bit off and you seem to have picked up on it. Unfortunately, I cannot simply remove the words in question as it will disturb the meter. I can however, replace them as long as the stresses are kept the same; which I will do as soon as possible. Thanks again for the great review!

Reviewer: lady magician
Date: 01/02/07 12:14
Chapter: Chapter 1

Funny! I liked this:

He’ll smash your silver china plates,
he’ll scare off all your dinner dates.


Good job! 10/10 :-)

Author's Response: Thank you! That's one of my favourite lines also.

Reviewer: music_is_magic
Date: 01/01/07 23:05
Chapter: Chapter 1

Wow! That was really funny! It's amazing to think of a werewolf at dinner! It would be really funny! Great job.

Author's Response: Thank you. Crazy werewolfs...

Reviewer: tarheelrocker
Date: 12/29/06 21:09
Chapter: Chapter 1

That was good.

Author's Response: Thank you!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Somebody Like You by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
After tea leaves predict romance for Snape, he makes a sardonic wish on...
The Green Knight Rises by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
In Creevey Wizard Comics, the Green Knight aids those in need under the cloak...
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
FEATURED
Wild Card by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
It was going to happen eventually: Oliver Wood had to retire. But when the decision...
Half-life by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Neville has the rest of his life ahead of him, but all he can do is look back...
Skinny Love by xxbabewithbrainsxx 6th-7th Years
“I’ve always been chubby. Admit it.” “You’ve never been skinny...
Tigerlily by Maple_and_PheonixFeather 3rd-5th Years
You promised yourself you'd never hurt her, but there are times when you wonder...
Astriferous by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Merope Gaunt has never been celestial.Nominated for a 2014 QSQ - Best Dark/Angst.
CATEGORIES