Steph! I miss you on MNFF after my return. *hug* Anyway, I've read this story before and for some reason, never chose to review it. It really is a spectacular snapshot of Colin--you just nailed his character.
I particularly enjoyed that he didn't stay flat throughout the story. You not only shared with the reader who Colin Creevey is outside of the guidelines of canon, but you also make that character change and grow to be better by the end of your story.
Colin truly is his own person--and I'm glad that's what your story allowed him to be. I really enjoyed your reading into a character that JKR made fairly flat in canon--and I think the clarification of the relationship between Harry and Colin (from Colin's POV) makes this story immensely intriguing and innovative.
I loved this story! It was very cute, and felt very real. I love the way you expressed all of Colin's conflicting emotions, about how he had felt guilty about the picture, but it was to save his job. I also loved the ending! It made me smile, and I havent stopped yet, I'm definitely adding this to my favorites!
Although, I must admit, I was a little dissapointed when Colin realized he didn't love Harry. I think Colin/Harry is a sweet ship, essentially.
Lovely story! I loved reading it!
Author's Response: Aww, thank you! The only reason there's no actual relationship is becasue [and I KNOW they're just the same] I didn't want to make their relationship too flowery or anything, and I didn't want to assume anything more than I already have. I can't wait though, to keep writing this. I've decided to change it from a one-shot!
Oh. interesting. half-slash/present tense/... why is interesting the only word I can think of? I like Colin, though, however wierd he may be. and Steph, of course, for being so brilliant. yay!
Author's Response: You know what? The fact that you read this and didn't click the window down makes me feel good :)
oh, ouch, muggle...
anyhoo, here is the continuing stream of comments from moi!!
i think this is a really beautiful, simple story about friendship. Even though Colin has always kinda freaked me out in the books, i sort of like him in this coz, i dont know, you see his side of his admiration for Harry.
And Harry has grown up enough to see that the admiration is just that - admiration - not obssession.
I likey =D
Author's Response: oh, ouch, muggle... I laughed so hard at that review!
Kali. Your reviews are so pretty; they make my day sparkle :) and Squee for admiration. It may or may not have been based on one said admiration at one point. Coughdeangeyercough. Of course not.
Author's Response: Thanks for your support, mate.
Honestly Colin has always creeped me out; I refer to him as Colin Creepy. But now I think I'll have to call him creepy a bit more affectionately. I accidentally favorited this story when I went to read the reviews but it's not coming off of my favorites list.
Poor Colin he is so confused. It was just admiration. He didn't seem like a creepy stalker in this. But a confused young man that just needs someone to talk to.
Sorry this review is much shorter than all your others. But I loved it!
Author's Response: I noticed you favourited this and was very pleased - even more so that your reviewed! Colin Creepy is a GREAT name, lol!
I think that the admiration felt by Colin is the same that we feel for stars out there that give a little bit of themselves away to their fans becasue they really do appreciate their 'love'. Coughasutralianidolcough.
As for the length of the review - I am so overjoyed you reviewed at all. I'm SO happy to hear you liked it!
Yes, there are a half-dozen little grammar blips but nothing that 5 minutes with the edit feature won't fix. I think the biggest obstacle in this fic is present tense. It is difficult to write and not have it feel awkward. I want to take a trowel to this and smooth it out a tiny bit.
You paint Colin so vividly. He's a tragic character here, and endearing and you just want to hug him. It would be easy for you to slip past the tragic and endearing point and let him become creepy and a bit scary. But Colin never feels like a stalker. He is just a spaz and a nerd and he's-- *sigh* --I can identify with Colin really, being a huge spaz and nerd.
Lovely job dear.
Author's Response: *hugs her wife/hubbie/penguin mistress* You dig out that trowel, lol! I'll send it on over, once you finish plastering sticky notes to the walls, hee!
You're not a spaz. Or a nerd. How'd you feel if I said I based this admiration on a certain mod of mine? *comes closer with a pointy stick to deanine* *giggles*
Wow, Steph! I donít know what I was expecting from this story after your words, but certainly not this. Youíve talked about the story as if it would gross people out, but clearly that was just your way of being modest. Because, Steph, this is not gross, itís beautiful.
Still, Iím going to begin the actual review with shaking my finger at you. ;) There are very few things to remark on about this fic, but formatting-wise, I think it would look better if you put a few blank lines between the A/N and the beginning of the story. As it is now, they kind of float together and there is no pause, no chance to settle down and take a breath, before the story starts.
Already in the second line Iíve found something I want to praise:
It balances on the side of his desk usually, but today it has decided to fall.
I adore what you have done with word order here. I think most authors would write Usually, it balances etc, or It usually balances etc, but you create a much nicer rhythm and pace to your story by putting Ďusuallyí at the end of the clause. Lovely!
You play very nicely with the temperatures; one moment it is hot and sweaty and Colin is angry, and the next itís absolutely freezing and he is in despair. This returns later in the story when he is walking through London and then enters the pub. It is such a sharp contrast and it keeps your readers alert and always aware of what is going on.
It is interesting with little stories like this one, how they can make you look at a character in a whole new way. You really got to me with these two sentences:
He is haggard, old inside. Too many thoughts have worn down his body until he really just feels like an empty, guilty shell inside.
I have never connected the word Ďoldí with Colin before. Even when Iíve pictured him as an adult he has always had something youthful about him, something very energetic and enthusiastic. Seeing him like this is something new, but it also makes sense because I believe that everyone feels like that sometimes. Youíve developed Colinís character further than I ever could have, Steph.
He is constantly thinking, will this action discount me from ever being loved by Harry? If I do this, will Harry hate me?
Oooh. I really adore this part. I think youíve captured a very real emotion and realistic thoughts here. I know it, because I always think it about people I admire and/or love. Excellent detail.
And then it gets a little difficult. I see that you have chosen not to put a line between the paragraph containing the last quote and the one beginning with He doesnít know how he comes to be on the streets of London. In one way it works, because you keep the reader in Colinís mind and we focus on him rather than the surroundings. But on the other hand, it feels like a jump between two scenes, and then it would work better with some kind of separator, like a line or a bigger blank space.
The grass is wet, heavy with the evening dew, and the street lights flicker on and off ominously as he nears the pub that he used to call his home.
Guh. That sentence is pure description lust. Go Steph!
His feet walk numbly without assistance from his brain; itís too far away.
*giggle* Perhaps itís just me, but Iíd like to suggest that you change Ďbrainí to Ďmindí there. Because when you say that his brain is too far away, one could actually interpret it as though his brain was too far away from his head/body. (Insert shocked eyes here.) If you use Ďmindí, itís less confusing for people like me. Or, alternatively, you could change Ďitís too far awayí to something like Ďhis thoughts distracted with guiltí.
Tomorrow, he decides, will be the day he goes to Harry and asks for his forgiveness, and possibly, his love.
That line simply made me go ĎOooh!í So, Iím sorry, Steph, but you completely failed to gross me out, but instead you made me hope for Colin.
Okay. Having said that, Iím also surprisingly relieved when Colin has his little I-donít-love-Harry epiphany. Itís just, you know, so much easier that way. Itís easier than having to make a Harry/Colin relationship plausible, and easier than having Harry reject Colin. So really Ė clever move there, Steph!
But then you confuse me again. Firstly, I couldnít really see that Colin would give Harry a hug if they donít share more than their time on Hogwarts that we know from canon. But perhaps they know each other from after they both left school? And then you have Colin chatting merrily in one paragraph, and in the next (which appears to be in the same scene) he hangs his head in disappointment. For the story to make more sense, I would suggest that you skip the hug and the chat about the Nargle infestation. Instead you could just have Colin approach Harry, perhaps say his name to get his attention, and then follow up with the forgiveness-in-Harryís-eyes bit. Because, I really like the very last lines, where you have managed to describe Colinís new feelings so well.
Before I finish the review I would also like to compliment you on how you have used Colinís camera in the fic. Itís such an essential part of his character, and youíve managed to make it his constant companion in a way that all photographing readers will be able to relate to. Very well done!
Overall, Steph, this is a lovely little piece. Your language is stunning, and you have such a lovely flow to it. Keep it coming, girl! =)
Author's Response: OH, poo. Way to ruin my fun!
Anna. Anna. Anna. *gapes* You are so completely wonderful, I'm typing with two hands, and have just taken pictures of SQUEES.
I think the choppiness of the scenes is because I wrote the end at the start as food for thought. The feelings/thoughts changed as the story progressed, and you'll find in places that I may have said what I intended to be put across twice, but in a different way. I really need to stop doing that. It's those little imperfections I think that make me want to go in an edit it all away.
Heee. Do you know how many times I wrote 'Brian' instead of brain? But indeed, I shall change that to mind. Always happy for a SPEW opinion!
He is constantly thinking, will this action discount me from ever being loved by Harry? If I do this, will Harry hate me? - I particulary love this line. it's perhaps my most dwelled on line, so I'm very glad you pointed it out. I think, when talking or writing to people that we want to admire or love us, we tend to be hesitant to express what we really feel, and I'm so glad that I got this across.
I'll work on this. This... makes me so incredibly happy, Anna, because it makes me feel like I've written something finally worthy of a good review =) I will definitely edit this, and heed your advice. Oh! *hugs you*
I guess I am the first reviewer! Hi!
I think this is an interesting story, and could be quite possible - I do suppose that Colin does admire Harry very very very very much, as you have portrayed him here. Threfore, it is very in canon. However, about Harry - Harry is quick to anger, right? So, maybe he'd yell a bit at Colin before forgiving him, instead of forgiving him right off the bat, right?
One small error:
In the third paragraph after the first horizontal line, a sentence reads: Her frowns and wipes his hands on the cushions. I think Her should he He.
Milleniums pass as I search for more criticism...
This is sort of not important, but...
A sentence reads in the beginning: The receptionist is calm, cool and collected.
I think the exact phrase is cool, calm, and collected. However, you cn keep it as it is - it is unimportant.
Very nice fic - I admire you for it. It may just have been another fic to some, but it was wonderful to me and very well written.
Tyger, Tyger, burning bright -
Author's Response: Wow, that was really nice! I'm glad you liked it, and took it so personally - really. You know, everyone has that person that they admire, that they "love" but really don't realise how much they idolise them. And about the typo >.> I make quite a few, so I'll definitely be sure to go in and change that. And as for the phrasing, I'll have to take your word for it. I'm not the best with that =D. Thank you SO much for this review!