The description you use here is great...it really shows emotions and actions. The depth of the characters have a chance to show through. Great poem!
Author's Response: Thank you!
So sad. The words and descriptions you used were very powerful and beautiful.
He tells himself he doesn’t care,
For she made heaven’s face so fair.
A very bittersweet ending. I would never think that Remus would not care if someone died, but I guess there is more to your story. The last line is amazing. Great job. ^^
Author's Response: *Sigh* I absolutely love reviews that make me feel all fuzzy.
Ooh! Wow!
Brilliant piece of work!
The characters are extremely well done - Amaryllis is in no way a Mary-Sue; just from this poem, her actions are not cliché at all.
The imagery is really clear, and I get a sense of their emotions - and their surroundings.
The only thing I might suggest for next time is that the rhythm is a little off. It starts by going 9 syllables to 7 to 8 to 6 to 9 to 6, etc.
Not like that's a really bad thing; some poets like Emily Dickinson used completely irregular rhythm. However, for a reader here it's a little bit of a bumpy ride.
Anyway, excellent job!
Hannah
Knight of the Turnip Table
Author's Response: I was a bit worried about readers viewing Amaryllis as a Mary-Sue so I was extremely happy after reading your review. Thanks for the amazing feedback!
Hi there!
Nice sonnet! 'Tis very sad. Good job with the rhymes and overall flow of the poem. I would only suggest changing one of the "And" s starting the lines, since there are three of them. That, of course, changes the rhythm of it all, which is tricky to fix - but it's something to think about for your future poems at least! Lovely job!
*scurries off to read another*
~Gina :)
Author's Response: Gina! *Squishes* Thank you!
*claps* Woo! Yay, you submitted this...you wrote it for Poetry class, right? I remember reading it and being, like, "wow.." The emotions in this are really intense and yet the rhyme and word choice is simple. This poem is really clever and touching. Well done.
Author's Response: Suzie! *Huggles* Thank you.
I'm going to go cry in a corner now... (that's a compliment to your story by the way)
Author's Response: Awwww...here, use my handkerchief. *Offers*rnrnThank you for the brilliant review. It is absolutely spifftastic if my poem can affect readers in this way.
OMG! I felt like I wanted to cry. Even though I never read anything about Amaryllis, I couldn't help but sympathize her. Poor Remus!
Author's Response: Like I said, it's absolutely amazing to have this effect on readers. Thank you/
