i'm obviously a little late haha but i was fishing around for oliver/katie stories. the whole fred/angelina bit was funny in a sad way because he died probably after this was written but the story was good. i'm a little disappointed it wasn't very fluffy and they don't get together and everything but i guess not everything can end that way. great story!
Hey, there! I've come to bring your review count up to two! :)
On the night of Christmas Eve the usual hustle and bustle on the streets of Diagon Alley were replaced by...
"Were" should "was" because you used the collective noun "usual."
As they walked there was an uncomfortable silence between them.
There should be a comma after "walked."
"Do you love him,” Oliver asked softly.
You forgot a question mark here. :) I think you forgot it again when he repeated the question.
Those are my three grammatical nitpicks.
This is a sweet little story set in all the romantic backdrop that is the Christmas season.
Aww. Okay. You had me there. After I read that sentance, there was no way I was not reading this fic.
Aww. This was really sweet. I think you captured the evening very well. There were a few times where your dialogue seemed a little rough and forced, though.
“Whatever you say, but why don’t you go and take the drink to the lady.”
This is an example of that. This sentance just doesn't flow, I think if you played around with the wording a little bit, than you could find something that worked. Maybe something like, "Whatever you say," said Tom, shrugging and placing the drinks on the bar. "Now, hurry up and take these drinks away, you wouldn't want to keep the lady waiting, would you?"
He then came out with the question he wanted to know...
Here's an instance where there was some rough non-dialogue. I'd say something like, Now was the perfect oppertunity to ask the question he'd been dying to ask all night...
I'm sure with a little work, you could iron out all these rough patches and then your story would flow much better and be an easier read.
He quickly turned around to see Katie back standing by the entrance. “Yes?” he asked.
“I just wanted to say, Happy Christmas,” she said with a smile.
“Happy Christmas to you, too,” he replied.
This part was really sweet. It kind of reminded me of Romeo and Juliet, when Juliet calls Romeo back during the balcony scene.
And with a simple crack, he left the snowy streets for the comforts of home, taking with him every wonderful moment of the night he had just shared with his only true love, and hoping that just maybe, another wonderful Christmas with her would be yet to come.
I love this last line. It's the perfect ending to your story. I think it's great how much it sums up the story, but how many doors it opens. It leaves the reader thinking about what'll happen next Christmas between Katie and Oliver.
This is definately a good "Awww!" story. :D Keep it up.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for a very long, very helpful review. More of these sort of reviews are really what we all could use around here! Those little grammatical corrections were very helpful and accurate. I believe I occasionally forget about the existence of the question mark. I know the story didn't always read as flowy as I wanted it to, but I think those awkward dialogue moments were just ways for me to trim the story down so that I wouldn't go off on tangents and completely lose the plot! I know I have trouble with that. Thank you very much for giving me my *second* review. I really appreciate it and your constructive criticisms :)
I can't believe this story doesn't have any reviews! It was wonderful. You're characterization was wicked good. I love how you showed Oliver as this successful man who seems to have everything but missing love. Then we see Katie and she has friends, a boyfriend, and looks and then she also is missing love.
You brought them together so well. The way he instantly recognized her and it was so funny when she knocked down that display :D
Tom was so nice in this. He was looking out for Oliver and he was happy to make other people happy. He seems like such a good guy, haha.
You even captured the Christmas spirit. The way Oliver was thinking about Katie when he was staring at her and how she had a "glow" to her and it was just lovely!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for my first review and your kind comments! I think that Katie seems the type to cause accidents and knock over displays, she always seems to have such rotten luck in the books. Thank you for reviewing and adding it as a favourite!