it was good.great really.i liked it very much.
First, let me say that I was very impressed with your first story. I particularly liked your portrayal of Ginny, you kept her in character well. I also thought the ending was very sweet. I only have one suggestion. While you write with beautiful description and imagery, I think you have a tendency toward run-on sentences. There were a few times when I felt like I had to stop and re-read a passage to be sure of your meaning. Now this could just be your style and I’m certainly not one to criticize (I haven’t even managed to write something I think is worthy of submitting), but I think that breaking up some of the longer sentences may help the flow a little.
For example, you wrote:
“Because of Voldemort, her first and only love, Harry, was staying away from her, trying to protect her from the evil of his past, present, and at least for the moment, his future.”
I really liked the sentiment expressed in the line but I thought something like this might flow better:
"Because of Voldemort, Harry, Ginny’s first and only love, was staying away from her. He was trying to protect her from the evil of his past, his present, and, at least for the moment, his future."
Or, what about using a semicolon between the two parts of the sentence, that way there is more of a break but you don’t have to separate it completely.
Anyway…It was just a thought. Overall, it was a great story and I look forward to reading more of your work.
p.s. Happy January from your secret badger :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! It is much appreciated and I will definitely try to use your suggestions in my future writing!! Thanks again!
Hey! I'm glad that this story got validated, it is really good. I especially like the ending.
Keep writing!
~Malika Potter
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Just wish I had more time to work on the stories that are floating around in my head! Thanks for your help!
Aw, nice ending!
Author's Response: Thank you! This was just a quick peak into Ginny.
Hey,
Great you got the story up here so quickly! You really are a very talented writer and here you've expressed emotions in a very real and powerful way. Keep up the writing!
Phily :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much!! Thanks for betaing for me, too!! Your help and everyone else who helped me was greatly appreciated!!!
Short and sweet winter story. Good job. Keep Writing. :-)
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. 8)
Beautiful. You write extremely well and descriptively. Great job!
Miss Radcliffe~
Author's Response: Thank you very much!! Thanks for my first review, ever!!! 8)
I really enjoyed reading this story. I think you really captured the feelings going through Ginny as she reflected on the past and looked to the future. I love the excitement she gets when she finally hears from Harry. :) I wish you lots of luck with your writing. I know I've enjoyed it for years!! hehe Cyns
Author's Response: Thanks Sis! 8) You have seen pieces of my writing through the years...It's just one of those things sisters do for/with each other!! 8)
