MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For A Start

Name: Valentinia (Signed) · Date: 06/14/07 10:02 · For: Chapter 1
Aw. I like that there's a start, but this fic is still pretty sad! Poor Susan and Hannah! One thing though, they ministry have admitted that Voldemort's back by the time Amelia's murdered. Anyway... this piece really lets the reader get inside of Susan's mind and feel with her! Good job!

Author's Response: Eek - thanks for pointing that out! When I get a chance, I'll see if I can reword a bit of it to work around that. Thanks for reviewing - I'm glad you liked it. =)

Name: hannahabbot2007 (Signed) · Date: 06/08/07 18:52 · For: Chapter 1
Wow I love it! And it all makes sense, seeing as I am Hannah Abbot. May I ask, what drove you to write this?
~ Hannah Abbot

Author's Response: Another review from you! =D I'm really glad you like this - I worked so hard on this story. Well, it was written in response to a challenge on the forum about winter miracles (which is Susan being able to see Hannah again), and I just went from there. I wanted to explore a more minor character from the books and I chose Susan because I've had friends move away and some who live in other states. So, it was good way for me to let out emotions through Susan's story. Although, I actually love winter - it's one of my favorite times of the year. Thanks for reviewing! =)

Name: kumydabookworm (Signed) · Date: 03/26/07 0:08 · For: Chapter 1
I have a feeling I've read this before. Did I beta this? O.o Ooh, I did! *has just checked the author note* Heehee.

Now, onto the review! I thought it was brilliant then and I still think so now. You cover the best parts of a Hufflepuff's personality, and the optimism here is quite refreshing.

This is truly a story that will make you tear up...but then, smile. It lit a small bit of joy inside my heart, and that is a gift like no other.

Beautiful work!


Author's Response: Thanks! :]

Name: lily_evans34 (Signed) · Date: 03/17/07 12:23 · For: Chapter 1
Wow, what a beautiful story. I really enjoyed reading this. I loved the take on Susan and Hannah’s friendship. There really should be more fics about it. *nods* You really managed to capture that moment of saying goodbye to a dear friend wonderfully. It’s a sad thing to do, but, as you indicated with your last sentence, they’re never really gone. I like that you included that fragment of hope in such a dark time as this.

Susan had always hated winter; everything seemed to be so dead.

I loved that opening sentence. Where I usually prefer sentences that are rich with detail, this one seems so right. Such a clear-cut sentence, yet so full of emotion. Dead. What a harsh word. Just by using that word, the reader can really understand the conviction in which Susan [and myself] hate winter.

It had of course been Death Eaters, but hell would freeze over before they admitted Voldemort was back.

In that sentence, I think it may be effective to indicate who “they” are. Even though it’s obvious after having read the books, it was never actually specified in this fic. /small nitpick

Susan had understood why Hannah’s father needed her at home, but when had understanding ever made anything easier? Hannah was her best friend, what was she going to do without her? She still had Ernie and Justin, but it wasn’t the same. She had known Hannah since their first year. It had always been the two of them, Susan and Hannah.

That was probably my favorite paragraph in this story. It’s so true. People can weigh so much on just being able to understand, but understanding doesn’t make feeling any easier. This part made me picture my best friend, who I’ve been friends with for about ten years. Just the thought of saying goodbye is so… terrible. I love the way you managed to convey that connection between best friends so well. It really makes me feel for Susan. And where I understand what she’s going through, it doesn’t make it any easier to read. :)

The last paragraph is so powerful. I can really feel a shift from that dreary description of winter in the beginning of this story, to the excitement Susan’s feeling towards the end. I’m glad that she’ll get to see Hannah again. This was written in such a realistic way, that I can actually see this happening behind the scenes in the books. Because, to me, all this beautiful emotion that you put into this story makes it feel so real. Thank you for providing me this opportunity to read and review such a beautiful story. :)

Author's Response: -squee- Ah, I love long reviews. I'm glad you thought it was realistic. I've had to say goodbye to a close friend, so a little this is based on personal experience. Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing! :D

Name: Mind Games (Signed) · Date: 02/09/07 0:59 · For: Chapter 1
What a sweet story! You demonstrate the feelings of saying goodbye to a friend so well. I loved the winter atmosphere and Susan’s reaction to it. She hates the season, yet she’d rather be outside in the chilly and gloomy weather instead of facing the cheerful Hufflepuff common room. The imagery was wonderful, and I love the new take on winter. Many authors write it as something so beautiful with snow falling gracefully and the trees sparkling magically. There isn’t anything wrong with that, but seeing winter described in a different way was interesting as well as realistic. Because as much as I love winter, it can often be quite ugly and uninviting.

I enjoyed seeing the effects of the war from another student’s point of view. We typically read about the trio’s losses or another main character’s, and we tend to overlook the less-known characters. The deaths and losses from the war affect some of the minor characters just as much as they affect the main characters, even more in some cases. The minor characters can tell powerful stories if we let them. Thanks for showing a great example of how this can be done.

I do have some constructive criticism. Please bear with me. ;-)

Today it was a grey color, a dull, lifeless grey.

‘Color’ should be ‘colour’.

Home makes me think of- It makes me think of Mum.

‘It’ does not need to be capitalised.

She stared pointedly at him for a moment, before he realized she wanted him to leave.

‘Realized’ should be ‘realised’.

After reading the story, I really don’t think it is best suited in the Dark/Angsty category. While it is very sad during several parts of the story, and does talk about the death of several characters, it is not particularly dark or angsty. I think this would be better fitted in the General category.

Just a small formatting nitpick: In the fifth paragraph, you must have accidentally hit the enter key, causing the last sentence to fall below the rest of the paragraph.

This was such a pleasure to read. You really grasped Susan’s caring personality. She is thinking about what she has lost through the war, but she is also very concerned for her best friend and she realises that her friend has lost more than she has. Susan is such an un-selfish and considerate character. Her emotions were written beautifully all throughout the story. Great work!

Katty – Knight of the Turnip Table

Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for reviewing, Katty! I love really long reviews. :] Thanks for the constructive criticism - I'm not British, and I always forget to change the spellings. And, I'm thinking about changing the category on this one. I think you're right - it might be better suited in General. Thanks again for the wonderful review!

Name: BeautyInTheBreakdown (Signed) · Date: 01/01/07 20:13 · For: Chapter 1
This is a very good story. I like it. It's not just another James and Lily fanfiction. You've taken the time to notice the little characters and write a nice fic about them. it was well written with some really good descriptions. There were sentences in there that i stopped reading to re read a sentence because I though it was so perfect for the story. I like the flashbacks. I'm a fan of them in writing. all in all, this was a good story I liked it a lot.

Author's Response: Thanks! I really like minor characters, so I had fun writing about Susan. And I love flashbacks too! :]

Name: AKA294 (Signed) · Date: 12/24/06 21:39 · For: Chapter 1
That was a really cool story. I like how you use the smaller characters in the books instead of being like everybody else and doing James and Lily or Harry and Ginny or Ron and Hermione or some combination of them... It's really nice to read something different.
I also like the flashback part of the story. It sounded like a natural memory, not forced like a lot of them do. You did a great job on this story!

Author's Response: Thanks! I worked really hard on the flashbacks, and for me, writing Susan was a good break from some of the larger characters. Thanks for reviewing! :]

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