wow... this is going to be interesting. WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!
this is such a great story, i love it!!! please write tons more!!!!!!
it's nice :) i hope more passing of notebook comes, and does james have to like lexi? i want him to be crazy over lily :P lexi is more sirius-ish time. love the adrenaline kind. likes it though *snuggles fan fic* post more soon!!!!!
awwww... how sweet...
This is a really unique storyline! I like it.
Aw this is quite a cute storyline! I love that it's different to most stories. Keep up the writing!
This story is just too cute I feel in love with the little notebook diary idea so cool keep going all the best
I wonder at the beginning of your story. I don’t think it’s a matter of passersby not paying attention to Hogwarts and seeing ruins. Those people would be Muggles, yes? In which case they simply can’t see Hogwarts at all, but I highly doubt they would go around the Forbidden Forest, and I’m pretty sure they couldn’t make it onto the Hogwarts grounds at all - they have gates.
School could be stressing out...
I think you mean school could be stressing HER out. Unless she is simply concerned about how the school is feeling. The way you choose your wording in the next section is a little redundant. She ‘once again wonders’ and then two sentences later ‘now considers the thought.’ Those sort of contradict each other.
If Lily doesn’t like writing ‘dear diary’, then why does she? I doubt a bright girl like Lily would do that. I’m sort of discouraged that you portray Lily as such a broken girl who is seemingly desperate for a guy. Everyone who ever talks about Lily in the HP series remembers her fondly with very kind words, so it is evident that she was well-loved (even if that didn’t include the Dursleys) so it’s surprising to read about her being so sad when she was surrounded by people who loved her and was probably very popular because she was a very bright and genuine girl.
How convenient that James got a hold of Lily’s diary. I wish you luck in your future chapters. It would be nice to see more depth in this story instead of surface teenage angst that we see a lot in this category and on tv and etc.
Author's Response: Thanks for your thoughts. It's kind of nice to get constructive criticism. I'm smart but lazy and I hate to redo things. It's great when people bust me for it. Anyways at the beginning of the story I was really trying to set the scene. I'm great with dialogue but I suck at describing things. I really should do more editing and less throwing words around. As for the dear diary thing... I write in a journal and it motivates me more when I'm writing TO somebody. Not just to myself. Lily basically was trying to make her diary some one she could write to, not just something she'll read later. I don't know if that makes sense but that was how I was thinking at the time. As for her being a 'broken girl' that's not what I meant to sound like at all. But like most girls she just wants a little romance sometimes. Besides, I read a lot of Lily and James fics and I was sick of her seeming like such a bitch. A lot of guys at Hogwarts like her, as you'll find out when the 3rd chapter comes up but Lily wants that special guy, not just anybody. I hope you keep reading my story. You definitely challenge me.
Can't wait for James' response! Please update soon! (If you want)
Aww, this sounds really cute! I love the way you're writing this, please update soon!
oh, this story is so cool.you absolutely have to update soon
This is a really cute idea for a story. Just one thing though. If Lily and James were Head Boy and Girl, then they would be 17, not 16 (last year at Hogwarts).
Author's Response: I know I realized it after. dumb mistake.
This is...almost alternate universe, but I think it would be funnier if they hated each other, but it's your story.
Author's Response: honestly i've read way too many stories where they hated eachother completely and Lily is all eww boys and eww i'm so ugly but i turned pretty. I wanted this to be a little different.
It's soo sweet ! I hope you update the next chappie soon!
I love your story! It's different than other James/Lily stories! But I think that's what makes it great! Besides the fact your a really good writer! Please update soon!
this is realy good i bet theyr going 2 have some way of communicating like that and u need 2 update because itll drive me crazy!
Puh-leeezzzz update sooooooooooooooooooooooon!!!!! (aka, within the next month, perhaps yes, hmm?)
i love that they both share the diary without knowing who their talkin to. plz update
Author's Response: waitin for validation
Veeeeeery interesting (and unique) premise.
I really like this start, and I can't wait to see where you go with it. Update soon!
Author's Response: merci! actually james and lily are kind of reversed in this story. It's very diferent.
hmm...i like the note by james at the end because it sounds like realistic and good advice. to me, at least.
good luck on your story! (my advice is to be creative and stay away from cliches :) )
Author's Response: thanks for the advice! keep reading and reviewing.