Wow, Brandi! I really loved it, like always!
Author's Response: Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!! :D
I have to admit that I am not a big fan of poetry Ė in fact, Iím pretty sure this is my first time ever even reviewing poetry. But the title of this intrigued me (yes, I will also admit that I was unaware the title was Cummingsí), and Iíve been known to click on anything with Sirius in the summary. Plus, I knew you were a great author, so I was hoping I might stumble upon something I enjoyed. And I did.
I think what I love most about this poem is the voice. It screams Sirius with every word. The whole tone seems to be very sardonic, which is perfect for Sirius in Azkaban. Itís not just sarcastic, which is what not-in-prison Sirius would be like; itís got more of an edge, and itís wonderful. I think my favorite part is the very first bit, about children of men being carbon-copies. I would quote it, but that would take up a lot of space. The reason I liked it so much was because the idea is Sirius down to the core. For his whole life, heís been trying to break the Black mold, and thatís stated so poignantly there.
Next Iím going to try to examine form, and hopefully it wonít sound too much like I donít know anything. The lack of capitalization is definitely worth noting. Itís almost like being in Azkaban has drained Sirius of all but the simplest skills; obviously that doesnít necessarily apply to the original poem, but still. Likewise, the fact that thereís no punctuation makes it seems like a stream of consciousness sort of thing. Itís an interesting dynamic, then, that the ideas are so heavy but the form is so simple.
Iím really glad you included a link to the original poem, because I was eager to read it and compare. And dare I say it, I like yours better. I feel like Cummingsí is a bit more positive, like itís more lighthearted. Where Sirius seems sarcastic and ironic, the voice of Cummingsí seems for a while like he actually does love humanity; Sirius is more mocking. When ĎHumanity/ i hate youí comes at the end of Cummingsí, itís a little unexpected, like youíre surprised the narrator doesnít really love humanity. But when that line comes at the end of yours, itís like a reassurance that you, the reader, were right the whole time Ė that no, Sirius does not love humanity, and yes, he was being sardonic. Lol, I hope that makes sense.
Iím definitely really happy I clicked on this, because it was wonderful. There arenít many poems that I truly like, but this is an exception. You captured Siriusís emotions perfectly, and you did Mr. Cummings some justice. Wonderful job!
Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much! I'm so, so thrilled that you liked this poem! You're absolutely spot on with the way I made it more sardonic, and the capitalization/stream of consciousness... it DOES scream Sirius, doesn't it? I'm glad you picked up on all those little things. That IS what makes poetry so special. And you know what's funny? ((I don't like poetry much, either. :P)) So, maybe I write good poetry for other people who normally don't like the genre, eh? Hehe, well, thanks again for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it. <3
Oh Brandi. I tried so hard to use this for the discussion in class, but I'm still fuzzy on the whole theme thing and I can't figure out how to use your poem. I just wanted to tell you that I think this poem is absolutely brilliant.
Humanity creates problems and then tries to take the easy way out, even though that only creates more problems. If the world just buckled down and really tried to fix things and made an actual effort the world would be a much more beautiful place.
The contrast of the love and hate is so clearly marked. You did a fabulous job of the parallel and it is just an awesome poem.
Author's Response: Yay! Aww, thank you so much! I really enjoyed writing this poem, and I'm glad someone else enjoyed reading it. :D And I think your middle paragraph would be a very nice start for our D/A discussion of theme. I just thought of answering the question, "What is this story really about?" when I wrote my responses. :D Thanks again!!! <3
Amazing. I didn't expect to like this a whole lot, (cynical me) but I most definately enjoyed it after reading it. You've managed to write it while being exceptionally concise and the thoughts flow easily together in a stream of concience kind of way. You've made a fan out of me. This is obviously not your first brush with poetry and I'd love to see more from you on this site. =)
Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I am absolutely thrilled that you liked it! I *have* written poetry before, but never anything HP-related, so this was quite a new experience, but I am so very glad that you enjoyed reading! :D