Danielle! *hugs* Did I ever tell you how much I love the title of this story? “Black Heaven” just sounds so cool and mysterious and poetic… this is probably my favourite of your entries this time round!
I spent the majority of my time wandering the empty streets and searching for answers to unanswerable questions that I had never had the wit to ask myself on earth.
I love the use of first person in the story, to convey Burke’s personal thoughts and memories, whichin a way, make the whole idea a lot more spooky. The image in the sentence above was really vivid for me, of a despairing man wandering in a deserted street, or a ghost town or something. It sort of suggests that Burke has learnt a lot more in death and may even understand that some of the things that he did while he was alive, and some of the deeds he committed were not wholly good. I also like this more ‘sombre’ side of heaven, not all pink floaty clouds and stuff. This side is probably more realistic for the story…scary as well.
Out of habit I had floated along the ground, moving my feet in the rhythm of walking.
I really like this comparison. A really good way of describing the imitations that the dead make of life. It also begins a sort of ‘re-enactment’ that Burke undertakes in the shop/office, by him doing what he used to do…
You killed me and tossed me out the window, Borgin. I know I’m not meant to laugh. But I did. *giggle* I just got this silly image of Borgin picking up the dead body and chucking it out of the window into a bin or something. *hides*
I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of sunshine through the angry sky. Perhaps there is still hope for my misshapen afterlife.
This ending is really beautiful in an eerie sort of way! The imagery and personification of the sky are fantastic, and suggest that they may be a glimmer of hope there now, for Burke, despite everything that has happened. I like the idea of closure for him, now that he has confronted his killer. This also made me start to feel sorry for him…
Great story, I really enjoyed reading and beta’ing this! Good luck! ~Suzie xx
Author's Response: *hugs Suzie* Thank you for the wonderful review! This one-shot wouldn't have been accepted without your help!
That was so unique! Writing in first person from the ghost's viewpoint worked well, giving us the other perspective on the haunting. Nice job - it was sad and spooky and then hopeful all at once. Good luck in the challenge! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! It was pretty fun writing Burke.
I don't know why, but the scene at the end gave me a small giggle. I just imagine what "poor" Borgin was thinking. Maybe the little visitation will change him a bit, but something tells me it won't. It was fun to read though! Thanks ! Cyns
Author's Response: I actually wanted to include what he thought of it the next day as the ending, but I thought ending it with Burke was much stronger. Thanks for the review!