Wow, this is really an amazing poem! I have to congratulate you on working with such a difficult rhyme scheme. It must have been an incredible challenge to work inside of it without making the words feel forced. There were a few spots where I thought the meter got off, but it was hard to tell because the meter is complex too. The one that stood out to me was "Just to protect our calm, we hold: the Head-in-Sand Parade," which seemed a little long. Not terribly, but just enough to throw me off briefly.
There are so many good lines in this poem, but I think the last stanza is the best. It's such a vivid picture of the leaders withdrawing their heads, seeing the remnants of the war they denied and avoided. It's a really powerful image, for HP and the real world. Great job, you should be really proud!
Author's Response: Thank you so much; this is an awfully flattering review indeed. ^^rnI am, actually - proud, that is. Mostly because poetry and I have always gotten along like England and France.rnSome of the lines are, I agree, oddly long, but that's mostly just because of the pattern from the original poem. 'Tis tricky to stick to it without making everything awkward.rnAnyway - thank you again.
Georgia! (I read your bio, teehee). Do you know how much I love this poem, fellow 'claw? No?
Well, I love it loads. The title intrigued me from the start, but I never could have dreamed that it had such meaning. The concept of governments choosing to ignore problems to the detriment of their countries is not a new one, but the metaphor you present makes it so vivid and clear. I don’t know how you thought it up, but I think you’re a genius.
I congratulate you on making it work so well with such a complex rhyming and rhythm scheme. It’s quite remarkable that you still got so much meaning across, because many people (read: me) can’t write in such a confining form and still make it what we wanted. The contrast between the fanciful, Dr. Seuss-like rhyming and word choices and the very serious political message almost makes me gleeful; what a way to catch the attention of your readers!
I have just one little nitpick:
“Wounds open and bleeding, good men past the test,” Did you mean “passed” instead of “past”?
But otherwise, I have no qualms. These two lines, “We must fight, fight, fight, fight. We might fight as thus./We must ignore the Head-in-Sand in us,” are wonderfully striking, as is the entire poem. Definitely going on my favorites! You deserved to pace in the challenge.
Eek - this is such a lovely review. I'm sorry I didn't answer earlier!
Thank you so much! I'm glad the meaning of this poem comes through clearly. I was a little worried that the rhyme scheme and rhythm could make the meaning come across weaker (I mean, you never know. A whimsical pattern can make things seem less serious.) But apparently that didn't happen, for which I'm grateful.
Oh! You're quite the nitpicker. And not only that, but you're absolutely right. *Goes off to change that*
Again, thank you. It makes me ever so happy that this is how you read this poem, and thanks for going to the trouble of leaving this review.
Oh my gosh, I am blown away by your talent at poetry! This is just amazing! You didn't just parallel the poem, you used an incredibly complex rhyme scheme and wrote something totally original and amazing. Wow. The rhythm is fantastic, the rhymes perfect. But even more amazing is the content, the story this piece tells. What a great metaphor, The Heads-in-Sand Parade! How did you ever create such a concept? I love how you started all the way back with Grindelwald, and worked your way up through modern times. I thought the parts about Harry were great. (pest? ankle biter? ha!) The conclusion was fabulous. I see Fudge written all over this, I think I shall have to drop by your Dueling Thread this weekend and poke you about it a bit more. Excellent job, it's such a strong entry for the challenge. Good luck!! ~Gina :)
Oh, gosh! I remember reading this when you had just reviewed and going, 'Well, how will I reply to that amazing review?' Then I thought about it, and though about it, and then somehow was under the impression that I'd already replied.
But here I am, actually replying, and I suppose that's all that matters, huh?
I am blown away by this review! And I'm really, fantastically glad that what I planned to do actually came through. I wanted it to be strong, but kind of subtle at the same time?
Originally, the idea was about protests at Hogwarts amongst the students, but I realised I wanted it at a greater scale than that. The Head-in-Sand Parade is really a pattern, which spans over time. It's human nature, and I think that's something J.K. Rowling wanted to show when /she/ wrote about Fudge and the Ministry.
Thank you! And cyber-poking is a good thing ;)
WOW. That's deep... *pulls head out of sand* Ahh, that's better.
Now, I must confess, I am a massive fan of "Cats," both the book and the musical and do, in fact, have an enormous poster of the Jacob Brent version of Mr. Mistoffelees on my bedroom wall. This is the first "Practical Cats" inspired fic I've ever seen. Parts of it also reminded me of Dr. Seuss... in a good way!
My favourite part was the second-to-last verse. If you changed a few words like 'Grindelwald' and 'Fudge,' you could probably submit it to a newspaper or magazine. Fantastic job, as always!
... Gosh, it must be so difficult to get one's head literally into the sand. *Vows never to try that*
Now, I must confess - I've never seen Cats. Really, ever. I am, however, a great fan of Dr. Seuss, so that aspect is just lovely to think of. I'm also a fan of Mel Brooks, but that fact is utterly irrelevant.
^^ It would be really funny if this ended up in a newspaper. I have this image of a stuck up lady going, 'oh, golly!'
My goodness, I'm a moron. Anyway, thank you as usual Schmergo! *love*