Awww! What a cute way to bring the Weasley family back together on Christmas. It's a very unique one-shot. I can't help but point at a few minor nitpicks, though. =]
Every room of the house had been inspected and swept, decorations were hanging everywhere. After the comma, there should be an 'and' linking the two sentences together. Otherwise you have a comma splice, and that's just not good. Although, I think it's necessary to mention that I really like this sentence. It seems to add a good deal to Molly's character as a mum without her children. Everything is still in its top working condition: no exceptions.
“That’s okay, Mum!” said Ginny in laughter. “We can do that later. Harry’s going to be there in a minute.” Small typo. Harry isn't going to be there, he's going be here, at the Burrow.
“It’s always a pleasure, dear. Now, give me your trunk, I’ll take care of it. Your room is ready upstairs; it’s Fred’s and George’s old one, so you’ll have plenty of space. Ginny, you can go rest before dinner if you need to.” I really like the commanding personality you've gifted Molly with. Although, she's always been a bit commanding about what's to be done in the books, I like how you took it to a new level here. Even when her children have their freedom and are coming back for a visit, she's still taking the opportunity to have things done her way. However, there should be an and after trunk, since it's two commands. And it's Fred and George's room, not Fred's and George's.
Because it was the simple truth: they really were happy together. I really like how you relate the carolers (which if I'm remembering correctly were a requirement to the challenge) to the Weasleys, and then have Molly make the analogy between the two families.
She always wanted a big family, and without really knowing why, it was important that each of her babies had their own pair of shoes, even if money was short. Knowing that they would have to share a lot of their possessions with their other siblings living in the house, those shoes had become unique objects full of meaning. The consideration in this excerpt is very Molly-like. Even though they couldn't afford Ron a new wand when he first began Hogwarts and times tended to be tough for them as a family, she insisted on having one of their first possessions in the world being their own. I really like the idea. It's very creative.
This Christmas would be different; no tears, no worries, no one missing. Wonderful. Although, there should be an and between no worries and no one missing. But, nonetheless, this is my favorite sentence in the entire one-shot. It truly is the 'perfect time of the year' when all of this can be fulfilled.
I think you did a wonderful job capturing the characters in this challenge piece. Overall, great one-shot.
Author's Response: Aaah, another review from you! :) I like your reviews, always long and detailed, it's nice to read! I don't mind if you show me my little errors, I need to know what I'm doing wrong if I want to improve my writting. I'll go change the things you mentionned. I'm glad you liked my story! You reassured me about Molly really; my fear was to mess up her character, because it was my first attempt at writting her. But I picture her as a person who likes to take care of everything and needs everything to be organized in her life. So that way it makes her feel safe and comfortable. And I have to admit that I'm proud of my baby shoes idea. I can't remember where it came from, but it just fitted perfectly with the plot and the prompt. So thank you for your review!
Awww that was such a nice story, it gave me a really warm glow! I love the way that you tell it, and the directness that you address readers with, using ‘you’ and things. Parts of it seem more informal because of it, and in a way, more welcoming, and I felt as if I was made part of the wonderful Christmas scene.
Within the years, some things, just like what was in the box, were forgotten until the perfect time to rediscover them again.
I love the ongoing ideas about perfection in this story; it’s a nice idea that they can all live happily in the end, after all those years. I just like the line above because it shows some sort of part that ‘fate’ might play in their Christmas celebrations, but also, more simply, how good this year will be.
*squees at Harry/Ginny-ness* I hope that they have a girl too! The way that Ginny talks to her mum was quite IC and I felt that overall you captured both of their characters really well.
There was snow already on the ground which made the backyard look like a postal card. Okay, this is such a picky comment, and I suppose it’s down to opinion really…but ‘postal card’ sounded a bit odd here; we rarely use the term in the UK – just ‘postcard’ would probably have been better. :)
The pine trees all covered in white reminded her of a bunch of pastries sprinkled with icing sugar.
I love the description here! And not JUST because I like pastry…heh. It’s a lovely comparison to snow, and icy snowflakes and such; very realistic too! A very sweet one-shot, I enjoyed reading it! Good luck! *Slythness* :D ~Suzie
Author's Response: Wow! First, thanks for the long review! I'm happy that you liked my story! That's really what I wanted to do, give the Weasley a perfect time to be together, after all they had been through. Don't you just love Ginny/Harry! And yeah, I didn't go OOC with Ginny and Molly (that was my fear)! Oh and thank you for the tip about the postcard, I'll go change it!
That was such a great, fluffy (In a very good way) story! It was a pleasure to read! Thanks for the smile!
Author's Response: I'm happy you liked it! That's me, fluffy! And it was for Christmas, I had to write something light!
Wow. This is really a beautiful story. A perfect Christmas-time story.
Author's Response: I think that's the kind of stories we all need for this time of year. Thanks for reviewing!