MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: tbhasker (Signed) · Date: 06/30/07 20:45 · For: Chapter 1
this is a definite tearjerker

Author's Response: Thank you very much, I'm glad it touched you.

Name: tbhasker (Signed) · Date: 06/30/07 20:45 · For: Chapter 1
this is a definite tearjerker

Author's Response: I hope in a good way; I wouldn't want to upset anyone. :-) Thanks for reviewing.

Name: Lily_James_luvinSirius (Signed) · Date: 03/13/07 7:47 · For: Chapter 1
This is the saddest story on here. And what makes it so good is how well its written. You've done an exelent job!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review. ; )

Name: mooncalf (Signed) · Date: 12/28/06 14:29 · For: Chapter 1
Wow, lunar. That’s all I can say. This has to be your most emotionally evocative piece of writing to date. It’s something that anyone who has experienced the loss of a family can identify with.

I do, however, think that Molly’s POV was a little rushed. It’s a good idea to start with her, as the mother, but in my opinion you need to elaborate a little on her feelings, before you start going in to how quiet the house was. I still think it’s very touching, though.She had never told George how much she loved him, how proud he made her. This line is so sad, and so true for any mother who loses a child.

Of all the various perspectives, Mr. Weasley’s would be my least favourite. He appears to me to be a little OOC. I can see him being ‘blank’, if you like, but the cold anger doesn’t seem to sit right with his character. On the other hand, I love how you characterised the Minister in this scene. He’s acting so concerned, but in reality he doesn’t even care enough to know George’s name.

I love how you wrote Percy’s part. The sentences are mostly incomplete or run-on; He hadn’t gotten a chance to explain, to apologise— not to George anyway. This really gets across his indecision. However, I think him quitting his job is a little drastic. Percy is very much career motivated – maybe he could be planning to quit, or planning to help in St. Mungo’s? It just seems a little OOC for him to suddenly have such a change of heart, even if his brother did die. One nitpick: you called him ‘Pecy’ once.

Hermione’s part is quite touching – I’ve a feeling we’ve a closet George/Hermione shipper here! She purposefully tried to remember everything about George, but his face was fading already. Again, I found this so real. That’s exactly what I did when a loved one died, and of course memories fade terribly quickly.

I find Ron’s wish a little strange – to forgive George. Of course, the twins tormented him a lot, and Ron has always struck me as being rather self-centred, but I think that on the day of his brother’s funeral he might be more inclined to think positive, benevolent thoughts. Constantly going over the times when his brother annoyed him seems a little harsh, when they must have had so many good times as well. He found he wanted to be angry, wanted something to fill that space that George had left, that vulnerable spot where he was most likely to be hit. This does explain it a little, and I can see where you’re coming from with it – he wants to distract himself from the sadness and pain.

Your description of everyone’s various reactions at the funeral was wonderful. It really emphasised the individuality of the characters, that each of them expressed their grief differently. Molly sobbed quietly in her seat beside her husband, who had his arm around her, his own face scrunched up as though he found the weak winters light blinding. I love this. I can really see the two of them sitting together. One small nitpick: it should be winter’s, with an apostrophe.

Lee’s speech was incredibly touching. I love how you kept it so informal and unstilted – exactly how George would have wanted it. He really seemed to sum up what George was like, without the speech getting dull or repetitive like they have a habit of doing. However, why did he use a microphone? I really can’t see wizards being able to set this up, especially when the Sonorus spell does just as well.

Leaving Fred until last works beautifully, especially as you add a twist to the ‘just one more minute’ theme. There are such undertones of Fred/Hermione in this (The way she looked at him told him Mrs Weasley wasn’t the only one concerned.), but I’ll leave you to your twin-shipping obsession.

”... just one more minute … no, that wouldn’t be enough time to say all the things I want to tell you.” This is the perfect way to end this fic. It is so true; you always want just a little more time with the dead person, but when it comes down to it, it’s never enough. I love how you added this little twist to the theme, as I said before; it adds an extra dimension that simply repeating the formula couldn’t attain.

Overall, this is a beautiful and touching piece. I would recommend going through it and trying to split some of the larger paragraphs up a little, as the large blocks of text can be a little difficult to read, but that’s not a big thing. Oh, and you spelled beta as beat. ;-). Just to let you know. Anyway, congratulations on this fabulous piece of writing, and I hope to read more from you soon!

Author's Response: Wow mooncalf, how long did it take you to write that? And to nitpick throuh my story?! Just kidding; I really appreciate all your comments. I know what you mean about Mrs Weasley's part being a bit rushed; I think I'll go through it to see what I elaborate. I''ll go through Mr Weasley's bit too. And Hermione is just a friend she's allowed to feel upset isn't she? ; ) Anyway, thanks very much for pointing out all my mistakes, I hope I can return the favour some day. ; ) Just joking. Thanks a million; I'll go through the story again. ~lunar~

Name: JusticeForMedea (Signed) · Date: 12/25/06 20:17 · For: Chapter 1
Your story was amazing, you were absolutely right. One minute is never enough. Happy holidays, and keep writing. -Ananya

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing Ananya, I'm really glad you liked it.

Name: Hatusu (Signed) · Date: 12/23/06 0:25 · For: Chapter 1
Hey there :)

Great story; I really enjoyed the finished product. You deal with a difficult subject in a really sensitive and realistic way. The last line is my favorite, of course... just perfect.

Keep writing! :D

Author's Response: Hi Hatusu, thanks very much for reviewing. Unfortunately I can't take all the credit for this wonderful story *bows to brilliant beta* Thanks!!!

Name: mate (Signed) · Date: 12/20/06 12:20 · For: Chapter 1
hey just wrote to let you know that it is a wonderful story. keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Hi, thanks a million for leaving a review; they're all appreciated!

Name: Sdogg (Signed) · Date: 12/18/06 16:49 · For: Chapter 1
i liked lee's speech. great ending, too.

Author's Response: Hi Sdogg! Thanks very much for review. I'm glad you liked Lee's speech I wasn't very sure about it myself for a while.

Name: amsies360 (Signed) · Date: 12/18/06 15:25 · For: Chapter 1
That was sooo sad. I really loved the way you went through all the family members and their feelings. You did a wonderful job!

Author's Response: Thanks amsies360 I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks for leaving the first review!!!! ;)

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