Wow, that was... chilling. I've never seen anything like this before. You seemed to hit the emotions so perfectly. Bella is definitely the one to feel relief at her husband's death. Whether or not he was cruel, I don't think she loved him. ANYWAY. Now is not the time for that discussion. Right.
I've never really thought of Bella having a close relationship with her sister(s). I always thought that maybe Andromeda and Narcissa were closer and Bell was simply above them. This story, however, made me think that all along, my beliefs have been wrong. Didn't change my beliefs, no, but it definitely brought in another source, of you will. Okay, OT again. >.>
You did a lovely job with Bella's character. How could you not? You are the Keeper of Bella, after all. Especially at the very end. She was so precise and didn't think before she acted. I mean, just firing the AK without a second thought that it could be someone other than the voice of her husband is pretty impulsive. Then to end her own life without a second thought? That just SCREAMS Bella to me.
Anyway, lovely job. :] You've inspired me to write a Bella fic of my own.
Author's Response: Bella is a tad impulsive. She might've had an easier life if she stopped to think before doing something stupid. Then again, maybe not. As much as I love her, she really does seem to lack common sense. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks for the review. As for a Bella story of your own, go for it. I'd read it.
I really liked that story. One of my favorites.
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
wow. really, wow!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Wow, just wow! I knew you wrote and excellent Bellatrix from when I was your guide during the Gauntlet, but this was simply amazing! Poor Bellatrix, I’ve never felt more sorry for her. To be haunted by the ghost of her husband when she thought she’d finally be free of him would make anyone nervous. Narcissa coming in right at that moment was sheer bad luck.
Since escaping Azkaban, she had hardly spent a single night that she wasn’t hiding from him. But that was over. He was gone. You sure had me fooled with this line, I thought she was talking about Voldemort and wondered why she would hide from him, but I never imagined she could have referred to Rodolphus. In every story I’ve read about them so far, Bellatrix was always the dominant partner, with Rodolphus either fearing her or at least being wary of her; but to see the roles reversed was very unique.
“I AM NOT WEAK!” Bella bellowed at the top of her lungs. I love how she doesn’t react to him calling her a whore at all and just takes offence to being called weak. It shows a lot about her character, how she perceives herself and what kind of a person she wants to be. Strength seems to be more important to her than image, and I think this is also reflected in the Bellatrix we see in canon. She never does seem to be bothered by what others say about her.
From what little we saw of the interaction of Bellatrix and Narcissa in HBP, we could gather that they are close and look out for each other. I had the feeling that it was more Bellatrix trying to protect Narcissa and you showed that very well by saying that Bella only went to her sister after Rodolphus was dead and she wouldn’t put her in danger, that sounds like something the Bellatrix we see in JKR’s books would do.
“Lumos, she cried frantically. You are missing quotation marks after ‘Lumos’ here.
She would never have do endure another torture curse at the end of his wand. I believe you meant to write ‘to endure’ here. The combination ‘torture curse’ sounds strange to me, maybe ‘another torture session’ would sound less strange.
Elle, I really liked your story. Once again you’ve written an excellent Bellatrix and a deeply chilling story.
Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for the lovely review. *huggles*
Hehe, you were supposed to think it was Voldy at first. I thought it would have more shock appeal that way. :D
And yes, I agree that Bella doesn't much care what others think of her, but she would not appreciate being called weak. If nothing else, she sees herself as strong.
I've always thought of Bella and Narcissa as close. Book Six really sealed the deal. However, I think all three sisters were close at one time.
Thanks for pointing out the errors. I have fixed them.
And thanks again for the great review.
Wow, Elle! That was CHILLING! It actually started to give me goosebumps; it was so spooky the way that you described Rodolphus, and how, even though we never actually ‘see’ him, he has such an intense psychological effect.
“Since escaping Azkaban, she had hardly spent a single night that she wasn’t hiding from him.”
I like the emphasis on ‘him’ here. A great introduction. Though, because I’ve read Blinded and your other Bella fic, I had an inkling who you were referring to, the ambiguity is still really good, and kept my curiosity.
She was supposed to be grieving. She was supposed to be sad. She was supposed to be angry. The repetition here is great and the short, snappy sentences are really effective in showing how much Bella hated Rodolphus and how glad she is to be rid of him.
I thought that it was very IC for Bella to so quickly, on hearing Rodolphus’ voice (and knowing full well who it was), to try and convince herself that she was imagining things, and that everything was okay really. It didn’t matter. She would go to sleep. In the morning she would have breakfast with Cissy and the voices would be gone. This seemed to indicate the dismissive side of Bella, of only seeing what she wanted to see, but for me it also showed the more ‘scared’ and childish side of her, of wanting a sort of perfect world after everything that she’s been through.
Maybe I want you to die, so that I can control you in the afterlife as well.
Oh god…that was really spooky and truly chilled to the bone. The way that Rodolphus speaks, and especially this part, really showed me exactly what Bella was afraid of. It’s a really dark and scary thought that something cannot be escaped even in death, and I felt that you conveyed this very well. It also really emphasised how much Bella would be despairing as she really has no way out.
The Narcissa bit…ooooh…. *chills again* I love this bit in Blinded as well…what IS it with poor Bella? Whenever she wants to be remotely good, you go and kill her again! :p :p
Towards the end of this, I thought that it was really clever how you used short sentences to show Bella and Rodolphus’ interactions. The “she ignored him” and “no response” seemed to begin where his words had little effect on her, but as the effects increased, descriptions of her behaviour increased. Oooh.
“You’ll see Cissy again and the Dark Lord.” Heh. *sad giggle* Is that hinting at something? Bella/Voldemort perhaps? *wink* Just a tiny nitpick: Bellartix picked her wand up from the floor. You spelt Bella wrong. :)
“Do it,” the ghost cried.
Finally, this ending…was just powerful. You used no exclamation marks or anything like that, which is what usually conveys action or excitement, but I felt that your way was far more breathtaking and intense. The ghost ‘crying’ to tell her to end it seemed ‘encouraging’ in a way, which kind of disturbed me…but then again, I guess that’s what you were going for. And obviously the ending words were the scariest of all. *dies*
Anyway, good luck in the challenge! :) You’ve entered so many, you really deserve to win!! ~Suzie (and eep, sorry this got long again. [/babble]
Author's Response: *smiles* First of all, Suzie, you never have to apologize for the length of your reviews. They're always well thought out and in-depth. I really love them. :D *huggles*
Oh yes, the HIM she was hiding from. I figured anyone who had read my evil Rodolphus fics would know who it was and everyone else would assume it was Voldemort, but you're the first one to comment on it, so I really don't know. :D
When Bella was trying to pretend that Rodolphus wasn't there, I didn't mean for her to be dismissive. She would never be dismissive of him. She's too scared, and with good reason to those who have read my evil-Rodolphus. You were right the second time though. It was meant to show that she was scared and yes, even a bit childlike. She thought that she was finally free from him and she couldn't come to terms with the idea that he could somehow be back. She just couldn't accept it at first.
*grins evilly* Well, I wonder how much we really do escape in death. Especially if there are others waiting for us on the other side, others that wanted to cause us harm in life and are looking forward to picking up where they left off. It was just a strange thought that occured to me when reading a ghost story a few weeks ago.
And the Narcissa part, which I, of course, stole from Blinded. I keep using this because at the end of both the stories Bella needed to be emotionally fragile. I don't believe that anything else could damage her so wholly or completely as harming one of her sisters. So that's what I used. It's hard for me to write though. I've grown so attached to Bella it's hard to keep hurting her. Maybe I should write her a happy ending, although happy endings are not my strong point.;)
Bella/Voldie. NO! And that got an exclamation point. I hate that ship. I cannot believe that Bella truly loves creppy reptile man. I have actually a read a story or two that handled the ship well, but I will never ever believe that she could love him. I almost didn't include his name there but I thought people would wonder about if he wasn't there.
And I can't believe, I of all people, spelled Bellatrix wrong. *kicks self* Thanks for pointing it out, though.
Oh and exclamation points. I don't know, I never used them much. Even when I wrote as like a ten year old, I used them sparingly. *shrugs* I'm glad you like my way of converying emotion.
Thanks for all the compliments on my story. *huggles Suzie*
WOW! I love your Bella stories, you really capture the character and give her dimensions *curtsies and inclines head* excellent job.
Personally though, I think that you should add a few accompanying oneshots to this; either expand on Bella's emotion in the after-life, explain the feeling of death, or (if yoiu don't do this, please give me permission) have the voice that said 'Avada Kedavra" be Lucius (escaped from Azkaban) and/or Andromeada (searching for her crazed though still beloved siblings) and the curse was aimed at Rodulfus who was never dead to begin with but only stunned and hiding in the shadows. Then Lucius can comfort Bella and bring back her sanity or Andy can bring Bella home to comfort her, or Nymphadora can bring her to Azkaband where she losses the last dredges of her sanity. OR enter Narcissa who is stunned and then mortified when she finds Bella rocking Andromeada's dead body!
But it would still be fantabulous (is that even a word?) if you were to leave it as it was...I personally think that you should expand more on Rodulfus in the future though. As of now, in all of your stories you leave him as a one dimensional figure...he's unduly cruel, crazed, and controlling...but why? what happened in his past? Explore his true feelings for Bella and the Dark Lord...I think that you'd do great on a fic going back and forth between a selection of the Death Eaters (I'm thinkin' Bella, Draco, Rodulfus, Lucius, Nott, Snape, and Voldy) reflecting on thier feelings, past, future, and present at the start of the Final Battle.
Your an AMAZING writter, I look forward to many more sinisterly picturesque fables from you...
~The Tainted One
THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR REVIEWING MY POEM! YOU ARE MY HERO!
Author's Response: Hmmm...well, the voice that said Aveda Kedavra was Bella's. She couldn't bare what she had done to her sister with Rodolphus' voice taunting her and she gave up.
And yes, Rodolphus is a bit of a problem for me. I struggle with figuring out who his character is. He's hard for me, but I am tryingt to figure him out, since he's such a huge part of Bella's life.
Again, thanks so much for the review. :D
ouch! that's a very dark, though well written fic!
Congrats you great writer! I'm sure Neville would be so happy!!
Jajaja! I almosT felt pitty for poor filthy Bella. Almost...
Author's Response: Almost, huh? I'll have to try harder next time. :D I'm a huge Bella fan. She's my fav character.
Thanks so much for the review. :D
Ah, that is so depressing!! Poor Bella! She deserved better then that! It was a nice read though. I could totally picture it. I can only imagine what it was like for you to kill your Bella though! Cyns
Author's Response: Yes, poor Bella. She definitly deserved a better life than she got, one of the many reasons I love her.
And, yes, you're right, it was very hard for me to kill my Bella. I had two stories before where she was supposed to die but I couldn't do it I just love her. But I did it in this one, and indeed felt very guilty about it afterwards, especially when I thought about what her afterlife would be like. The poor dear.
Thanks so much for the review. :D
That was fantastic! You really do a great job with Bellatrix. I can't believe she accidentally killed her own sister, that is so tragic. The haunting was well done, very scary. And the end was powerful. Another great entry for the challenge - good luck! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Gina. I adore Bellatrix. I write her way more often than anyone else. I just love her. I love to hear that I write her well. :D
This actually isn't the first time I have had Bellatrix accidently kill her own sister. She accidently killed Andromeda in one of my other fics.
Thank you for the all the compliments. I'm really glad you liked it. :D
Really got in the mind of the character!!
Author's Response: Glad you liked it.
Thanks so much :D
Holy crap, that was incredible. Thats all I can say.
Author's Response: Hehe! Thank you, Nicole. I'm glad you liked it.