Wow, that is nice. For a first poem, it's realy, really good!
I liked the structure, the shortness, EVERYTHING. I have nothing to critique.
Ok, so I lied. I have teeny bit. Look at this part:
I saw him slain.
Only a veil will remain.
What was to gain?
Wallowing in pain.
Drives me insane.
Contorts my brain.
Has left its stain.
In the second part, the stuff in italics continues to the next line. However in the first part it does not continue. Am I making sense?
However, I loved it all the same!
Author's Response: Nice try, but I still side with Meda....and her Haddocks. Their much more cute and deadly than yours were...But thanks for the review. *smiles innocently while pocketing some Galleons filched from BB*
For the first poem it's good. It rhymes, the flow is easy, and it brings over emotions. Good job, well done.
OMG! That was so awesome! *Claps, cheers, does chicken dance*
For a first fanfic, this is really, really good! Very short, but it conveys how Harry felt very well.
Almost made me cry. I don't cry easily, I'll tell you that. When you look deeply into the poem, you can feel Harry's emotions, and that's what got me.
Author's Response: Wow...I never thought that this would make anyone other than me cry.
Wow, very very short, but still good. And the whole thing rhymes- which is cool.
My favorite part is the end:
Has left its stain.
Good job. ^_^
Author's Response: thanks.
I just need to say, I didn't expect to laugh form this. But your A/N sheer genius. This poem is so sad and it is meaningful. I miss Sirius! Notice Jo always says Dumby is really dead, but who cares? She never said Sirius is really gone, has she?
Author's Response: actually i think she did....somewhere in the mugglenet/tlc interview...
This is short but very powerful. I love all the emotions in italics; they seem to reflect exactly what Harry must have been feeling. The rhythm and rhyme both fit very well and the poem left me thinking a bit as well...excellent poem. Well done. :)
Author's Response: thanks, i didn't really think it was that good...