Fred's dead. I thought she would be marrying George!
Author's Response: I wrote this a very long time ago, well before Fred's sad demise. Though I suppose the story wouldn't change too much if you wanted to go ahead and pretend all the 'Fred's are 'George's. ;)
Wow. This was a powerful and original story. I liked everything about it. Angelina's courage at the end made me happy (that's right ladies and gents, if it don't feel right turn around and leave, even if you are at the very alter!) I also loved how it was Alicia that brought Fred into the story, reminding her friend of something Angelina already knew deep down. And did Alicia send Fred to plead his case? It doesn't seem like pure coincidence that Fred was on the doorstep the next morning.
Enjoyable, thoughtful, and a good read. Thank you, and please keep writing. :-)
Author's Response: Thank you! I actually never thought about Alicia sending Fred to Angelina, but I always try to leave a certain amount up to interpretation, so it's very well that it happened the way you said. Glad you liked it. :)
WOW I can honestly say that was so amazing.
Author's Response: Thank you!
Rachel, this is really good. Have I ever mentioned that you pwn? : P
First off, I love the quote. It seems very Angelina to me; confident, but not shallow. You’ve done a great job with characterizing her from the start, when you show her insisting on the kind of flowers at her wedding; she is portrayed as a strong individual. It all culminates when she asserts her strength by walking away from a wedding that wasn’t meant to be. Fred’s nonchalance was also well done, but not so exaggerated that it contrasted oddly with the seriousness of his affections.
One aspect of writing that I believe you could work on is “setting up” situations more. If Angelina had had a spare thought about Fred before he came, the impact would be greater. The same with her conversation with Alicia: it felt a little rushed. If you had included just a little more small talk, it might have gone over better. That’s probably your only big weakness, rushing through scenes.
Another part that threw me off was when Fred was vehemently proclaiming that she didn’t love Andreas. There didn’t seem to be any basis to it except that he still loved her, which can be semi-excused, as love is infamous for making her victims illogical, but it would have rested easier with me if he had seen them together and then decided for sure that she didn’t love Andreas.
Aside from that, it’s lovely. You write dialogue very naturally; I took particular note of the part where she is walking outside, because I liked how the action was interspersed with thought. And I just love rarepairs, as you know. :)
Fred was well written, and I especially loved this line of his: “I am certainly aware of this war around us, but I don’t know what it’s like to live in fear. After all, I’ve got a life to live.” Totally squee worthy.
Some other noteworthy lines:
“But for whatever reason, she woke the next day with a sickness in her stomach and a ring on her finger. Neither seemed to be going away.” So witty, yay.
“You come all the way down here to tell me that I didn’t invite you to my wedding?” *lol*
“I haven’t the slightest notion.” *lol again*
Generally great work, Rachel. You always seem to pick the most compelling subject matter. Lovely story, with a lovely title.
Author's Response: Ren! Squeeeeee! Thanks so much for your fabulous review! And yes, I know completely what you mean about rushing through scenes - I think I would have spent some more time poking this, except for the fact that I had a deadline. *facepalm* And *giggles* “But for whatever reason, she woke the next day with a sickness in her stomach and a ring on her finger. Neither seemed to be going away.” That's my favorite line too. :D Thanks again for teh awesmoe review! *squishes*
Well, well, well, SPEW buddy mine, I do have to agree with your previous reviewers. You do wonderful job with all of the dialogue, especially that between Fred and Angelina. Their words to each other illuminate their own characters while also giving some insight into each other by their reactions to what the other is saying.
However, it's not just the dialogue that makes this a stunning story . The way you really focus in on Angelina's internal conflict, first about her wedding itself and then about her choices regarding how to live, is fantastic. This is probably one of the best stories I've read to really do a good character study of Angelina. Her true Gryffindor spirit finally seems to re-emerge from the fear in which she had been living when she decides to turn her back on that fear and take her life back. The kind of decision she made to call off her own wedding minutes before it was supposed to take place takes a lot of nerve, and only a truly brave person would be able to do it the way she did: face-to-face with the man she was supposed to marry. Clearly, by the end of this story, it is evident why Angelina was Sorted into Gryffindor.
The only thing that really bothered me about this story, though, was the beginning of Angelina's conversation with Alicia. Given that the two of them were both on the Quidditch team with Fred and George, it seems highly unlikely that either one would've been able to forget them, especially with how close the teammates seemed to be to each other while in school. Not only that, but Fred and George's exit from Hogwarts was probably the most memorable exit in recent Hogwarts history. So, it seems a little odd that Alicia would have a hard time coming up with Fred's name when talking to Angelina. He would be a hard person to forget.
Other than that, the only things which didn't quite fit with the rest of this well written story were the following:
"Who knows the when I’ll see you next!"
That is a line from Alicia to Angelina, and I think you should probably just take the 'the' out of it.
She heart was throbbing and her palms were sweating.
In that line, 'She' should probably be 'Her' instead.
All in all, though, this was a splendid story and I really enjoyed reading it. You have a good knack for exploring a character through their dialogue and their response to other characters' dialogue. I'm really glad I read this. Well done, buddy!.
Author's Response: *facepalm* How did my beta--*cough*--I miss those typos? *is off to fix* Anyway, thank you, Karin, for the amazing review! I agree--the Alicia part isn't the best. It's probably my least favorite part in this fic...I really was struggling with Alicia's chararacterization. Anyway, thanks again, and I'm really glad that you liked it! I'll have my review to you within the week-sorry for taking so long! *hugs buddy* ♥
Yay. Happy endings are good. I don't like andreas... its an ugly name.
Author's Response: you suck. so do happy endings. *nods* where are you, btw?
This story was very lovely. A nice tale of Angelina choosing to follow her heart after all the plans are set. My favorite part was when Alicia came (even though there’s an extra word or two in her welcome you might want to look out for) because she’s the one that really catalyzed the whole thing. Angelina might have gone into a marriage she would have regretted if it weren’t for the serendipitous arrival of her old school friend. It made me laugh when Angelina and Andreas had only been dating for six months when they got engaged, because honey, where I’m from, six months is almost entirely a shoo-in that you’re gonna get married. But I realize that I’m sort of in the minority here.
I liked when Fred came, even though I could feel Angelina’s discomfort at the whole notion. Angelina’s reasons for marrying Andreas are justifiable but begin to seem so weak in comparison to Fred’s insistence that there’s love. It made me think. That’s a good thing for a story to do. And you're a third of the way to your goal now ;)
Author's Response: *SQUEE* Thank you so much for this amazing review, Leslie! *huggles* Hehe, yes, 6 months is pretty much a guarentee here, too, but this was set in England in the past, and I don't know anything about that, so I just guessed a time-range. *giggles* Thanks for your comments, and glad you liked it!
I am not worthy! Rachel, you are spectacular! This piece is beautiful, touching, lovely, better than I could have ever imagined...perfect.
I think this is the first fic I've read of yours. You have an amazing writing style, it's beautiful and flowing. Keep it up!
Thank you so much. --Mari
Author's Response: Of course you're worthy, Mari! If you weren't, I would have said 'to hell with this project!' and gone and watched Gilmore Girls reruns instead of working frantically to turn it in on time! *giggles* I really can't tell you how happy I am that you enjoyed it! Did I fulfill the prompt okay? Because, basically, I thought of a plot, wrote it, then chose which one of the possible prompts it best seemed to fit! *dies laughing* Shows how organized I am. Thanks for the praise and review! *endless ♥ s*
Love is, above all else, the gift of oneselff–Jean Anouilh
You added an extra 'f' on 'oneself'. Great way to start out your story, though!
I love how you used interesting words throughout your story, Rachel. It really added to the descriptions, and I for one think that good vocab makes a story endlessly more entertaining. Then again, I am odd that way. :P
I also liked how you used the dialogue between Angelina and Alicia to convey their friendship. You really wrote that section well-- the words sounded exactly like what two good friends would say to each other. I think dialogue is really your strong point, through the parts with Alicia and the sections with Fred. The punctuation you used, such as dashes, also added to the validity of how the conversations read and played out in my mind. I always love dashes in dialogue. Another quirk of mine.
The only criticism that I can make is when Fred first arrived with Angelina, and their conversation got a bit more in-depth, the conversation seemed to get a bit forced. I think the part where the Angelina mentioned the instability of the world at the time (with all of the people dying), could have been left out. But on the other hand, maybe she felt like she needed to make excuses for the reason she was doing what she was.
Your characterization was also top-notch-- you gave Fred some comical lines, but didn't make him stupid. Angelina went through real emotions, and you never exaggerated the feelings to make them more dramatic. Your story was just very real, Rachel, and I loved that.
Brilliant story, Rachel. I really enjoyed it, and now you've inspired to me to write a Fred/Angelina!
Author's Response: *scratches head* I can distinctly remember getting rid of that second f... Anyway. WOW. Thank you SO much for the brilliant review! You're right--I added the part about Angelina's insecurities so she could justify why she was getting married, but I can see where you think it could have been left out. Ooh, yay, another dash fan! *giggles* I include them way too much. Glad I could have inspired you, and thanks again for the wonderful review!
What a well done story!! I love the way Angelina and Fred were written here. We get to see how the war affects Angelina's personality; she went from a vivacious, take charge, confident girl whilst in schoolto a woman who allowed fear to affect even her most important life decision two years later.
I think Fred is written quite powerfully here. I love how you showed us another side of Fred. We all know him as 1/2 of the wildly entertaining and mischievious dream team. Your portrayal shows a quiet strength in Fred that really adds so much more depth to him. You had me dying to know more about Fred and Angelia!
I reallly enjoy your writing style and I hope to read more of your work in the near future!
Author's Response: Oh, wow. Thank you for the truly amazing review! I really appreciate it! ♥
I just have to tell you again, how much I love your writing style! It's positively addicting. :-)
The first paragraph is lovely, I just want to read it over and over again.
And this sentence right here, I love (sorry I can't be more concrit, but there's just something about it. Really captures your attention, lets you feel for Angelina):
But for whatever reason, she woke the next day with a sickness in her stomach and a ring on her finger.
This story is so sweet, and beautiful, but leaves such an impact...and I adore the last sentence, in my opinion, the last sentence always has to be done right, and you did it. It has a beautiful flow to it, and I love your characterization of both Angelina and Fred, especially when you Fred says "I haven't the slightest notion." You let us really connect with Angelina.
Again, touching, wonderful, beautiful! My only critique is that, while your reasoning on why she chose to marry Andreas was wonderfully, I think it might have been nice to know the reason why she did not love him.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much, Danielle! I adore your reviews, they mean a lot! And I'm glad you liked the fic. You're right about the concrit, though, I'll have to think about that. THANK YOU FOR TEH AMAZING REVIEW SQUEE! ♥
Wonderfully done! I love how real your characters are. Your plot is a little Spiderman-esque, but then, it's not as if that was a brand-new idea. We knew it was coming the whole way, but it’s a believable, enjoyable ride.
Maybe it was the reminder of the two page obituary that she had read in the Prophet the day before, or the thought that she didn’t have forever to make up her mind, or perhaps just a drink too many urged a feeling of spontaneity so strong that the word yes rolled off her tongue. But for whatever reason, she woke the next day with a sickness in her stomach and a ring on her finger. Neither seemed to be going away.
This part really struck me. I recently gave a speech about not missing out on life, and my one worry about it was that people might take it too far (not that I really thought that my speech was so stirring!). And here Angelina’s done just that. She gave up on a “school-girl crush” for the tall, dark ideal – and here she’s learning that maybe her crush was the truer love.
Alicia’s visit is good. I know the feeling that your friends know more than you do, and they’re only holding their tongues because it won’t really help. She does know, but Angelina has to come to terms with it herself.
Fred is powerfully written. We don’t know why they broke off their relationship, but obviously it was a strong one. He cuts right to the heart of the matter (in this case, Angelina’s heart) with Weasley bluntness.
Angelina glared at him. “… Every passing second I think, ‘What if it’s me next?’ … I don’t have forever to live! You realise that, right?”
After a moment of silence, he finally spoke. “… I am certainly aware of this war around us, but I don’t know what it’s like to live in fear. After all, I’ve got a life to live.”
I feel like saying “Great contrast” would be unnecessary, since you so carefully put it here, but I’ll say it anyway! Angelina has dealt with the war by becoming fearful (a natural reaction), but it’s causing her to push past her normal judgment. Fred, on the other hand, has chosen the harder, more rewarding way. And he’s showing Angelina that there is a second way to live.
I also like that Fred doesn’t force her to choose in a “it’s-him-or-me” fashion. He does ask if she loves him, but in the end, he asks her only to be happy. It’s a great more difficult, but it’s a mark of how much he loves her, and part of what makes this story nice and original.
Wonderful job! Hope you get all 30 reviews :D
Author's Response: SQUEETHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUKATIESQUEE! *cough*
I mean, thanks so much for the amazing review! I've never actually seen Spiderman (I know, I know...) so I found myself giggling at that random comparison. ;-) The parts you picked out were the ones I liked best myself, actually. Your analysis of the story was very accurate, terrific job! *huggles and promises to review one of your stories soon* *and hopes she did the paragraph break thingy right*
Beautiful!! I love ALL your stories!! It made me want to cry (in a good way)
Author's Response: Aw, thanks! Your reviews mean a lot. =D
Oh my goodness, this is amazing. I want to go cry now....
Author's Response: Wow, thanks a bunch! And sorry you're crying!
i love the stories like this that base themselves in JK Rowling's world but then have a completely independent plot. This was really refreshing and well-written.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you! It means a lot. =D
Awwwww! This was such a realistic love story! *happy sigh*
Author's Response: *happy squee* Thank you! *firstreviewsquee*