"The air was disgustingly thick..."

--Hmmm. Not my first choice for an adjective, 'disgusting', maybe you could consider a change. It's descriptive, but somehow it doesn't feel right.

"It was the exact opposite of silence. The scene in front of him could be described in one word; chaotic. His mind was only on one thing; getting Draco Malfoy back to the Dark Lord. "

--Oops. Those semi-colons are not needed. What you do need is a good old regular colon. But i would not suggest using two sentences with that pause in a row.


"Snape was very aware of Draco yelling at him."

--This doesn't seem right. I would add 'suddenly' to the sentence. That would make it more in place. 'Snape was suddenly very aware...'

Otherwise, I love it! It's nice to see someone's idea on what happened after Dumbledore was murdered. Good writing style, lovely vocabulary - and no typos! (from what I saw, at least!)

I can't wait to see more chapters.
Good luck!




Author's Response: Thank you very much. :) I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the luck.

very nice very nice
I think that all of the characters are GREATLY in character... grr Voldemort. I wonder what Draco will say. hmmm

Author's Response: Aww, thanks. :) I'm happy you like it and I'm going to keep you in wonder... until the next chapter, of course.