I never thought of a haunting being before they died, but that was great. It was a very touching scene. It makes me wonder how Draco could live in that solitary state for so long, but it was a very interesting story. Good luck with the challenge.
Author's Response: Hehe, thank you so much! Actually, this is a two-part fic, so the haunting will come in the second chapter, but that's a good idea- haunting before they died. But I think the challenge requires ghosts after one's died. Thank you! :)
Wow. Just…WOW. That was so amazingly and hauntingly intense. The emotion, the description, the whole story was just awesome!
The romance between Draco and Pansy was very in character and well written. I like the fact that they, though loving, are brutal and angry with each other as well. It makes the love so much more powerful and believable.
“How can I love this?” Draco whispered roughly, tilting Pansy’s head up and looking furiously into her eyes. “How can I love the murderer of both of us?”
I love the mixed emotions that this line conveys; it seems really bitter but I can still discern that Draco ‘cares’ deep down. This chapter really made me think about all these different relationships. I wonder what Blaise has done? And why couldn’t Draco and Pansy be together in the first place?
Another thing that I loved about this is the subtle repetition of “three years” throughout the chapter. It really seems give the fic a ‘ghostly’ sort of air to it.
I only have one pick; in the same paragraph: He sat up straight and put down the quill he had been writing (long letters that would never be sent) with. Here, it seems a bit strange to have the parenthesis right in the middle of the sentence, and was a bit confusing. Would it work better at the end, after ‘with’?
She wore robes of purple so dark it was almost black. Robes should really be referred to as ‘they were’.
This chapter was truly amazing, and I’m really looking forward to reading the next one! Who knows, I might even read Wuthering Heights…lol Oooh and my favourite line:
Don’t leave me alone, ever, even in death — in death you shall never leave me, because in life you’ve done just that!”
I don’t know if I should “aww” at that or cry… *does both* Anyway, wonderful story! ~Suzie x
Author's Response: Oh my gosh. I just wrote out a huge author's response and it was deleted. In short, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I was so worried that I characterized Draco wrong and that it was too melodramatic, so I'm glad it's not. Thanks for the nitpicks, I'll go change the robes one. But I kind of like the parenthesis one... I feel it's kind of stylish. Hehe. GO READ WUTHERING HEIGHTS! It's incredible. A bit hard to understand, and old, yes, but it's amazingly intense and also it has a double first person narrative - very interesting. Thank you so much. ~Jenn
Hi there! It's been years since I read Wuthering Heights but I can definitely sense the angst, nice job. What an interesting and original way to start, by setting up the haunting this way. Good luck with the next part! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love Wuthering Heights, it's so incredibly haunting and angsty, so I thought it'd be perfect for this. :) I'm happy it was an original way to start!