MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Haunted

Name: ringobeatlesfan4 (Signed) · Date: 04/15/08 15:55 · For: Haunted
Hello! I read this a while ago, forgot to review, and lost track of where it was. Coincedentally, I was scrolling through MuggleNet and found it again. 100000/10 And a few questions:
Did Voldy see Bella kill herself, or was he somewhere else?
Did Bella see Andromeda, because no one else could, or was it just a dream or something caused by guilt, and Dromeda wasnt there to begin with and Bella was just seeing things.

Well, great job. {Becca}

Name: Masked One (Signed) · Date: 12/24/06 12:51 · For: Haunted

You did a wonderful job building doubt and suspense. For a long while I had no idea what Bella was going to do; everything seemed perfectly possible. I wasn’t expected the ending, but it worked very well nonetheless. Actually, it was the most logical thing, though I almost wanted to see Bellatrix’s thoughts if Voldemort has betrayed her.

A few more visual details would have been appreciated. I had a clear feeling for the character, but a hard time imagining her surroundings. Andromeda’s ghost-like state was described well enough, but not what she looked like - her height, build, hair length, facial shape, what have you. One or two details would have helped there, too. I’m curious as to why Andromeda willingly sacrificing herself for her family didn’t create the same magical reaction that Lily’s sacrifice did.

All in all though, a very interesting take on the Black sisters. Bellatrix was very ruthless, very self-centered… but she almost changed. And her sister was equally so.

Name: crazy_purple_hp_freak (Signed) · Date: 12/13/06 15:11 · For: Haunted
*gasp* TF, that was fantastic! I love all the different scenes and how they link in with one another, each showing how Bella’s character progresses in a really smooth way. The idea of Andromeda haunting Bella in this way is realistic, and I felt that characters of both were incredibly true. One thing that I liked a lot was Andromeda’s carefree sort of tone as a ghost, as if nothing really mattered in death apart from changing the world for the better on earth, and getting revenge.

You managed to get the ‘revenge’ aspect across really well, without Andromeda begin too bloodthirsty. I love the idea of introducing Andromeda as a ghost, by her tickling Bella’s feet. Kind of random but kind of funny! As a contrast, her pleading sort of tone in life is also rally intense and passionate. It kind of reminded me of the way that Lily would have begged Voldemort to kill her and spare her family. *sigh*

Bellatrix's lip curled. "Why would I do that?"

Even though this is just a short sentence, I felt that it convey so much in Bella tone about her attitudes towards things like family and love. The sheer bluntness of it shows the extent that she simply doesn’t understand things like that…sadly.

In the woodland scene, the calm tone with which Andromeda spoke the ‘truth’ about Voldemort and Bella was truly chilling. I felt as if the words were sinking right into me (or Bella :p) and the emotionless ness with which it was said was even more haunting and really emphasised toBella that this was the truth.

"Leave me alone! Go away!" Bellatrix. "No!" Bellatrix. "Leave me alone!" BELLATRIX. "Go away!" "BELLATRIX!"

The build-up here was really well written and you used structure so well! I felt that the short lines sped the text up rapidly and the italics built up loads of emotion, leaving me almost breathless at the end of the scene! It seemed exactly like a real argument/conversation!

At the end, the way that you brought back Andromeda and got her to repeat what she had said earlier on was really clever.

To him, you're nothing but a life to be lost.

I could see that this line would really have infuriated Bella, and yet as Andromeda is a ghost, this would also have really confused her and planted doubt in her mind. The confusion in this end scene is really skilfully done, and the different ‘views’ flashed by so quickly that I could almost feel Bella’s confusion (in a good way)! It felt like she was trying to decide, in a short amount of time, everything about her life, her tasks, her loyalty etc… and all of this was steadily breaking her sanity. Andromeda’s one and two word ‘orders’ seemed quite sinister and ghostly, almost like a sort of Imperius curse, but without the ‘dreamy’ effect. Just one suggestion…would the “Avada Kedavra” on the final line work better or more effectively as a separate line?

This was an amazing story and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! *has never been spooked by Andromeda before, this is a first* Good luck in the challenge! Power to the Slyths… :p ~Suzie

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 12/10/06 17:25 · For: Haunted
Wow. That was a very interesting story of a haunting. I do kinda like how Andromeda got into her sister's head and drove her mad. I don't like how Tonks was killed also (or so I assume from reading this), but then Tonks is a favorite of mine. Thanks for the entertainment! Good luck with the challenges!

Name: Sly Severus (Signed) · Date: 12/09/06 14:37 · For: Haunted
*is tramatized*

TF! My Bella! *cries*

Wow. I really don't know what to say. This is so far off from anything I have ever written or thought about Bella or Androemda, or even Voldy. There were just too many chances coming from him.

Okay, despite the fact everything I have said so far was negative this was actually really well done. You just have to take into account my little (extermely large and somewhat unhealthy) obsession with Bella. The story flowed really well and you could really relate to Bella as she began to lose her grip with reality. It was absolutly well written. And you really hit emotion in me when I read it, but that also might have something to do with the above mentioned obsession.

Sorry, for the very strange review. I'm still traumatized but *huggles anyway*

Name: FeatherTrader (Signed) · Date: 12/09/06 8:51 · For: Haunted
Wow. I love how you characterised Bella. First how she was slightly frightened by the spirit, then annoyed, and finally at the edge of insanity. Wonderful job. Especially the ending.

However, I did find a few, small mistakes. Like ’Grimacing at her surrouncings, she figured she should add a few more protections.’ Surrouncing should be surroundings. And then She folded up her hood and laid her mask on top of it, conjuring up a bed and a fire, placing a shield spell around her small enclosurethat protected her, not only from attacks, but also snow. Enclosure and that should be two separate words. Overall though, it was mistake free!

The only thing that didn’t seem like something Bella would do was leave the forest so easily, without trying again. She doesn’t seem like the type to fail Voldemort without trying several more times to complete the mission. From the way you set it up I suspect she wanted to leave to escape Adromeda, but in that particular section some more details probably would have been good. Overall, though, wonderful story! Best of luck in the challenges. Go Slytherins!

You must login (register) to review.