I think this is great! I really like this one. I know your summary said it was about Tom Riddle, but it seems to me like it could be about some of the other dark characters as well, such as Snape or Draco. The consistent use of the bird/flying imagery is really well done and knits the piece together nicely. The ending is great. Wonderful poem! ~Gina :)
Oh, how sad! ... But so beautiful.
I'm certainly not a judge of poetry--having never written anything one could call Poetry--but this had a certain rise and fall in its metre that was ... really lovely.
I could picture Tom, first as an up-and-coming businessman, and then as a tortured individual as the madness and evil overtook him. It's so sad ot imagine because not only did he lose his life (figuratively speaking,) he also thought that the "Dark Side" would make him more powerful ... and so it did, but with a catch. Can you imagine living with your soul split into pieces? Poor Tom... =(
I think, perhaps, my favourite stanza was, "And he's falling on his soft, white, bleeding wings." That was so vivid and beautiful; I really enjoyed reading it because I Saw that image ... It was sad, but really lovely.
Great job at characterization, by the way; Tom would feel lost, triumphant, hollow, all those things. He's such an enigma. And of course, his upbringing has everything to do with his downfall. All in all, though, you've created quite a piece here and I did enjoy reading this. =)
P.S. I tried the link on your Banner Page, and it didn't work, so... But thank you again for the lovely banner. =) I adore it.
wendelin, you have really captured here a lot of the feelings that I can see Tom as having. Poetry is a very nice venue to portray feelings and I've used it myself frequently, although I haven't had a chance to post a whole lot here yet! Great poem!!!
This is a very powerful poem. It it a wonderful, you should seriously consider proffesinalism. (I'm sure I spelled that wrong)
Wow, very well written!
I like poems, so I hope you write some more!
Samuri Rose xxx
This is a powerful poem you have written. It's a poem that is meant to be read slowly, for a full effect.
The rhyme is kept up, except for a little at the end, 'drift' and 'lifts' don't quite fit together, but if the reader is focused on the poem itself, I'm sure that will pass.
My favorite stanza is the second -- to me, there is a lot of emotion expressed. Each line indicates something:
'He runs away' can portray feelings of fear, anxiety, unsolved issues, 'from his narrow cage' can be interpreted as the narrator feeling trapped and uncomfortable, 'these bars of rage' is a heartfelt metaphor, indicating anger...
When I look at a story -- a poem especially -- I like to see a lot of emotion in it. For, what is description and images if they don't evoke any feelings?
You deserve a round of applause for that stanza; it was nicely done. =)
Of the path he set,
But he's broken his flight,
For now he can't claim the sky as his own.
These lines are unstable and the flow could be improved. The last three lines of this third stanza are the ones that I'm focused on, but the entire third stanza could be reworked on a little.
Maybe consider: 'Of the path once set/ breaking the flight/ he cannot claim the sky as his own.'
A little tip also: avoid contractions in poems, as they tend to break up the otherwise smooth flow and can sound awkward.
And in the night air there is a truimphant, savage cry...
...And then it dies.
Splendid finish; quite the surprise as well! I would suggest you change the the capital 'A' to a lower-case letter. You have spelled truimphant wrong, it should be triumphant.
Other than the aforementioned, this is lovely work; it was a pleasure to review!
An amazing poem. The imagery is very vivid and the flow and rythm are amazingly well-done.
You describe Tom's ambitions very well and the ending was perfect for this; very realistic and chilling. It could even describe the last battle in a sense...(I had no idea it was about Tom when I first read it, but it fits very well and I guess that's why for me it has several interpretations and layers)
My favorite part, other than the ending is the second stanza. I loved the "bars of rage" bit and it also flowed very well.
Thanks for an amazing read! =)
i'm not the best at reading and interpreting poetry let alone reviewing it, but here is my attempt: i think that it was very good, well written, i liked the flying metaphor used through out,
Wow. Just wow.
Iím with youóIím not the biggest fan of reading or reviewing poetry, but you asked, so I complied. And Iím glad that I did.
The first thing that I have to comment on is the emotion that you conveyed in this story. WOW. Really, it was unbelievable. Well, I canít really comment on the emotion without noting the rhythm of the poem itself. The way you wrote it was just so hypnotizing, and I felt myself really caught up in reading it. Itís so fast paced and I sort of like that itís short, because in a way itís symbolizing the change from Tom Riddle to Voldemort, which, in this poem, was a quick change. Well, more like a gradual change leading up to a quick moment.
Of the path he set,
I think that in this line, Ďheísí would work better than he. Because saying that Ďhe hasí set a path is like him long ago setting a goal for himself, and saying Ďheí is like he has just set the path. At least thatís the way I interpret it. You can ignore that if you will.
I love this metaphor you have for flying throughout the entire poem. Itís like Tom Riddle wants to move on, but is being restricted by everything around him. I really like this, because I think that in canon, that was a really big factor leading into his transformation of Voldemort. Your characterization of him is just lovely. This poem seems to relate to him, in that it has such a dark feeling, like what he was aspiring to be.
I also like the way you ended it. You wrote about his struggle, and everything leading up to the end in a powerful way, and then you end it so abruptly. Thereís something extremely unnerving about that partóin a way it seems like a foreshadowing of sorts. Using the word Ďdiesí in that line reminds me of all the lives that he will take when he is fully at power.
Really, this whole thing was so well thought out, and the rhythm that you used for this particular poem was incredibly fitting. Kudos for such an amazing piece of work!
/Rachelís first attempt at reviewing poetry.
Author's Response: Did I mention how much I absolutely adore you? Thank you for this beautiful, beautiful review. You made my day!