MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Dramioneangst (Signed) · Date: 02/02/08 13:32 · For: Chapter 1
Really amazing...i wish there were more chapters but i still loved it. Raw emotion angst and all!!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I did consider continuing it, but to be honest I don't know how much more of her story there is to tell.

Name: The Weasley Triplet (Signed) · Date: 04/19/07 16:58 · For: Chapter 1
Excellent story. I especially like the way that Padma is convinced that her logic is overcoming her emotions, but really the emotions have as much or more impact on her actions than logic.

I bet that any day now, Padma will be less concerned about killing than even Bellatrix is. all because she has convinced herself of these things that people have done to her, whether they have or not, and because she tells herself it's logical.

wonderfully written, I must say that you write dark stories incredibly well.

Author's Response: Thanks for your wonderful review! I have to say, I enjoyed writing this one so much I think my stories in future will be somewhat darker.

Name: Visceral Love (Signed) · Date: 04/12/07 22:15 · For: Chapter 1
A fantastic charecterzation that was beleivable and original. Flawless. Great job.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Name: HermioneDancr (Signed) · Date: 01/10/07 0:42 · For: Chapter 1
Hi SPEW buddy! All of your stories looked interesting, but I decided to read and review this one for two reasons. One is that it centers around Padma, whom I have also written, albeit in a very different way. I was also intrigued by the title. I’m studying math in college and I love proof and formal logic, so the title appealed to me.

The premise of this story is fascinating, if dark. You do a great job of guiding us through Padma’s logic and helping us understand it, but you also allow us to see how her logic is flawed and incomplete, like a proof gone wrong. It’s intriguing to dissect the flow of her thoughts.

This is a spew review, so I will engage in nitpicking (which is probably my natural state anyway, so spew is a helpful excuse). It’s not a technical issue, but in one sentence your word choices seemed to clash. All this preparation, all this mental anguish, all this stress, only to be held back in the doorway by a spotty, runaway boy. Somehow it seems odd to me to have ‘mental anguish’ side by side with ‘stress.’ The one is so literary and poetic and the other is so colloquial that the combination jarred me.

Also, I noticed one little typing error. His grey eyes widened. “You — you don’tknow?” I think you managed to accidentally delete the space when adding the tag for italics before ‘know.’ It can be really tough to notice that sort of error in your own work, especially when it sneaks in there when you’re preparing the story for submission, but it’s probably worth fixing sometime when you have a moment.

As a whole, this story is really well written and the characters’ motivations are well thought out. However, there are two relationships that I think you could have expanded on slightly more. I wasn’t entirely satisfied with the story behind Padma’s hatred for Parvati. You gave her a good rationale for anger and you showed Padma’s incredible (and, ironically, illogical) ability to hold a grudge, but I felt like I was left hanging about how their relationship had dissolved to that point or whether it had never been close to begin with.

Additionally, I would have liked to see more depth in the interactions between Draco and Padma. You are telling the story from Padma’s point of view, so of course we get more of Padma’s reactions than Draco’s, but I think it would make the story even stronger if you included more of Padma’s perception of Draco’s reactions. Not that you’ve done this badly –– in fact you’ve done it quite well –– but I think you could take it even further without overbalancing the story.

This is a really strong story, and I really enjoyed it. You’ve combined excellent writing with an equally excellent plot, and the result is wonderful. The ending is very dark, but you’ve done a great job showing us how Padma’s choice to kill her one-time friend is, to her mind at least, not a choice but the final result of a long chain of logic. And yet, like a grader going over a proof (I can’t help the simile, sorry), the reader –– who is more knowledgeable and more distanced than Padma –– can see the holes in the proof, the incorrect assumptions. And therein lies the tragedy of the story.

Author's Response: *gasp* My SPEW buddy whom I've shamefully neglected! Thank you so much for this wonderful review, I really appreciate it. I'm really glad you liked Padma's logic; for me, that was one of the hardest parts of the story, trying to show how her thoughts worked but at the same time demonstrate her jealousy and how it affects her reasoning.
I wasn't overly happy with Padma and Parvati's relationship either, but working within the Gauntlet limits made it difficuly to work on it as much as I would have liked. The same goes for Draco; I meant for him to play a bigger part in the end, but the prompt I was given didn't give much room for it. If I ever redo this fic though (it's a little big for a one-shot!) I'll certainly keep your suggestions in mind.
Thank you again for such a wonderful review!

Name: ChrissyOfGryffindor (Signed) · Date: 12/02/06 16:25 · For: Chapter 1
*huggles* Congrats on winning the Gauntlet! *turnip love*


Author's Response: *is still in shock* Thank you so much!

Author's Response: *smacks head* I forgot to say CONGRATS TO YOU TOO!!! TURNIP POWER!!!

Name: Schmerg_The_Impaler (Signed) · Date: 12/02/06 12:30 · For: Chapter 1
Congrats on winning the Gauntlet! This story was fabtastical!

Author's Response: I won? What? When?

Author's Response: OH MY GOD I WON!!! WOW!!!!

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 11/20/06 21:34 · For: Chapter 1
Your characterization of Padma was very interesting. I loved the logic part, though I like her family don't really follow it. I really thought she would have let her friend live. It was kinda a shock when she actually killed him. Your story had many great elements, and I really enjoyed reading it!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! It was really tough to decide in the end whether she would kill him or not, but with the character I planned out for her she really is quite self-centred. And insanely jealous.

Name: NikkiSue (Signed) · Date: 11/18/06 21:41 · For: Chapter 1
whoa. THAT was awesome. Yours was the first fanfic that I have read not centered around the usual characters. Very impressive. I loved the details you wrote as far as explaining her thoughts. You've got serious talent.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a postive review! I chose to use Padma partly because she's thought of so little, but also because I'm planning on co-writing a fic where she is one of the main characters.

Name: Schmerg_The_Impaler (Signed) · Date: 11/18/06 20:11 · For: Chapter 1
AMAZING JOB. Very powerfully written and fully characterized. You made me feel like I was sucked into the story.

The picture of Padma that you painted was amazing. I've never seen such a complete characterization before. The fact that she has an identical twin in the Order is enough to make a compelling plot bunny on its own. Her eerily logical mind makes the story fascinating. She's almost sociopathic in her cool, total logic.

I wasn't expecting the ending. Truly incredible work.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you very much! Padma's characterisation was something I had to work on. I built most of it on her House, and why she was in Ravenclaw while her sister was a Gryffindor. The logic came from that, but as you can see she goes a bit overboard.
I actually planned to do more about the identical twin part, and the bracelet was also to play a bigger role, but with the Gauntlet it's almost impossible to plan ahead!

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