Reviewer: solemnlyswear_x
Date: 01/29/07 20:06
Chapter: Red, Yellow, and Orange

Wow.

That was my first impression. :] This is an absolutely wonderful story. I loved all the description, and the emotion behind it. The hopes of the world lie beneath me, dust. That was one of my favorite lines, it holds so much feeling!

The storyline of Harry dying and Ginny mourning isnít something new for me to read, but the way you presented it was. Through the dreams, the cemetery, and the dog, you were able to take an idea that Iíd seen before, and transform it into something entirely different.

My favorite part of this story was the flow. You used the short sentences to your advantage- to me it seemed to create a melancholic tone, and showed Ginnyís grief. All of her emotion was easy to see, and I felt horrible for her, not having everything she could have. There were a few places where it became a little too choppy, I think in the second paragraph, but for the most part there was a sort of rhythm to it, if that makes sense.

There was this one sentence that stood out to me as a little repetitious. I wait for an eternity in the few minutes it took for the wait to be over. Iím not sure if you meant to use wait twice for effect, but for me, it sort of ruined the impact.

Anyway, I just wanted to add how much I loved that you repeated, ďRed, yellow and orange, on their way to who knows where.Ē throughout the fic. It is such a great line, and it held so much meaning.

Well, amazing job! :D

Author's Response: Thanks. I see what you mean about the line "Iwait for an eternity..." I didn't even realize I had used wait twice in it. I did use a lot of repition to give the impression that it was a recurring dream. Thanks for the concrit.

Reviewer: rgfawkes
Date: 01/28/07 21:17
Chapter: Red, Yellow, and Orange


Lovely. I loved the reptition of red, orange, and yellow. Despite it's depressing exterior it has a nice inner message about living on after death. It inspires to keep dreaming, keep striving, and to not let things get you down or whatever. I like it! Nice job.

~Maranda~

Author's Response: Thanks. I tend to get depressed thinking about Spanky, but we must never give up hope!!

Reviewer: Valentinia
Date: 01/22/07 23:11
Chapter: Red, Yellow, and Orange

Woah. Sad. I really enjoyed reading this fic. Repeating the line about the leaves that blow "who knows where" is great! It sort of mirrors Ginny's own uncertainty about which way she will go - whether she'll wish for Harry or whether she'll move on. I love how in the end you still don't know for certain. All in all, this is a really good fic!

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Reviewer: kehribar
Date: 12/08/06 15:54
Chapter: Red, Yellow, and Orange

I think this is a very refreshing writing in between all the one-type dark/angsty fics. I really loved your style, mostly because it resembles my own stories I always write in my native language. Focusing on emotions rather than action or narration. That's how I like it, and I think you've aced it.

Unlike kumy, I think your use of italics is a good choice. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't even think about where Ginny is and why all this is happening. The italics and use of first person PoV implicated to me that this is actually a journey through the depths of Ginny's heart. It is simply great.

However, especially some sentences in the first few paragraphs are somewhat unclear and confusing.

"The dog turns and walks away and I follow. I know that I don't want to go where he leads. I know that I want nothing more than to follow."

You use sentence in the beginning of a paragraph, but in the next, there's "I don't stop. I know where I am being led. I don't care about their gossip, lives, or deaths. I just want to get where we are going." Normally, I understand all the contradictions of feelings and emotions, but this one seems a tad confusing and even somewhat unintentional to me. But again, this is just how I felt.

Also, the dog thing looks a bit irrelevant. Explaining the why in responses to reviews only helps individuals. I think you should relate the dog to something or another so that it would fit better in the flow, not leaving question marks in the reader's mind.

To sum up, I think this is a very good fiction, and I congragulate you. If you want to read a more formal version of this reveiw, please drop by the Fiction Junction, Recommend Your Favourite Story Part Deux thread in the forums.

Ayse.

Author's Response: I hate an unresponded review. Read below for the response

Reviewer: kehribar
Date: 12/08/06 15:54
Chapter: Red, Yellow, and Orange

I think this is a very refreshing writing in between all the one-type dark/angsty fics. I really loved your style, mostly because it resembles my own stories I always write in my native language. Focusing on emotions rather than action or narration. That's how I like it, and I think you've aced it.

Unlike kumy, I think your use of italics is a good choice. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't even think about where Ginny is and why all this is happening. The italics and use of first person PoV implicated to me that this is actually a journey through the depths of Ginny's heart. It is simply great.

However, especially some sentences in the first few paragraphs are somewhat unclear and confusing.

"The dog turns and walks away and I follow. I know that I don't want to go where he leads. I know that I want nothing more than to follow."

You use sentence in the beginning of a paragraph, but in the next, there's "I don't stop. I know where I am being led. I don't care about their gossip, lives, or deaths. I just want to get where we are going." Normally, I understand all the contradictions of feelings and emotions, but this one seems a tad confusing and even somewhat unintentional to me. But again, this is just how I felt.

Also, the dog thing looks a bit irrelevant. Explaining the why in responses to reviews only helps individuals. I think you should relate the dog to something or another so that it would fit better in the flow, not leaving question marks in the reader's mind.

To sum up, I think this is a very good fiction, and I congragulate you. If you want to read a more formal version of this reveiw, please drop by the Fiction Junction, Recommend Your Favourite Story Part Deux thread in the forums.

Ayse.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the reviews. The one on fiction Junction was a true honor. As for the confusing parts, they were deliberate. I was trying to convay the desire to hold onto something, even if it is causing us pain. We want to have happiness, yet we cling to misery. It's as if we would hold onto a red-hot poker before we would let go and fall into the void. So we swing from poker to poker rather like children playing on the monkey bars instead of embracing the fall. Falling is the only way that we can grow and change. Just as Harry said later in the story, he was always just a possibility. The dog does seem a bit irrelevant. It is a spirit guide for Ginny in her dream. In certian Native American cultures, spirit guides take the shape of animals. I felt that if Ginny were to have one it would be an almost wolf-like dog. One such as White Fang, from the Jack London book of the same name. I tried to make a kinship between her and the dog earlier in the story and didn't do much with it. Again, thank you so much for your reviews. I am truly happy that you enjoyed my story.

Reviewer: kumydabookworm
Date: 11/24/06 15:46
Chapter: Red, Yellow, and Orange

Hmm. First of all, I hope you know that your entire story is in italics. It's rather distracting.

I appreciated your use of the word, "necropolis." The ending line was brilliant. I loved the last line.

However, the use of sentence fragments was overdone, and the power in them was lost because you used them so often. They're good for occasional emphasis, but overuse leads to less impact. ;)

The story is a bit confusing, I think. You do realize that where Ginny is, is not reality. But is she dreaming? Is she sleeping? Is she really at a graveyard, and simply hallucinating? Has she gone mad?

Perhaps adding a bit somewhere - about sleep, about madness or something - would bring the story into focus a bit more.

Finally, there's a few bits that escape me entirely. Why does a DOG lead her through the graveyard when she's been here many times before?

All in all, your use of language is impeccable. However, there are many details whose meanings aren't explained or implied, and I simply wish they were, because it would make this story SO DEEP.

Oh, finally...there were a few lines - barely any at all - that were a bit melodramatic. Those causes Ginny to seem so young, and so naive - and she's really not.

Your last line was brilliant. The lines by Harry at the end were brilliant. But, at the same time, there were some things that were good, but not briliant.

Nice work. You've got a huge amount of talent going for you. Keep writing!

Kumy

P.S. Please don't think that because I have criticism, the story isn't good. It is very good. But the glimpses of brilliance I see make me want more from the story - and I know you can do it! That's the only reason I'm criticizing the little things. :D

Author's Response: Thank you for the detailed review. I never have a problem with critisim. It is how we improve. The italics were intentional. Sorry that they were distracting. I have seen italics used to indicate a dream in stories many times. This is a recurring dream. I used the italics to indicate this and the sense of deja vu to indicate that it is a recurring dream. The dog was simply my way of paying respect to a movie that I loved when I was a kid. The dog is part of the recurring dream. When the deja vu leaves her, along with the dog, the dream becomes something new.

Reviewer: TiaBlue
Date: 11/21/06 19:21
Chapter: Red, Yellow, and Orange

Well done as usual, MadMuggle. As I've said before, I don't usually read dark, angsty fics. The reason I read this one is because you wrote it. You have captured the pain very well, and so I can't talk about it anymore right now. Again, well done.

Author's Response: Thanks. I'm kinda torn. On the one hand I'm happy to have written a story that touched you, but on the other hand I hate to make you feel bad. Also a thousand thanks for all your help.

Reviewer: lost_in_fantasy
Date: 11/21/06 19:07
Chapter: Red, Yellow, and Orange

wow! your story is really interesting, you used alot of powerful words and i really enjoyed reading how you described things. i was going say what line i liked the best, but as i kept reading, i realized that there were too many great lines to choose from! great job!

Author's Response: I am happy you enjoyed it. Thanks for actually taking time to tell me.

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