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MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: ginny96 (Signed) · Date: 05/19/12 17:45 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
awwww. thats cute.


Name: Seer_Witch (Signed) · Date: 07/04/08 23:45 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
Aw!


Name: dinos4sale (Signed) · Date: 06/30/08 21:44 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
Wynter Sniegowski???!!?!?! is this some kind of sick joke? you could have done Wynter Sniegovik (lol) and it wouldve had the same effect!
but anyway, that was good. james/lily fics always remind me of either ginny/draco or hermione/draco fics. lol.


Name: lola_lovegood (Signed) · Date: 06/26/08 10:39 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
aw they are so sweet i loved this that sirius loved her just as much as james did but in a dif way i loved it


Name: GryffindorGals (Signed) · Date: 03/05/08 11:25 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
cute, i loved it!!!

~ H


Name: Lilys Passion (Signed) · Date: 08/29/07 19:23 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
Nice. Sweet, but short. I loved it!


Name: Madam Puddifoot (Signed) · Date: 08/14/07 13:51 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
Awwwwwwwww.... sweet!


Name: Madam Puddifoot (Signed) · Date: 08/14/07 13:49 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
Awwwwwwwww.... sweet!


Name: Tweak (Signed) · Date: 08/04/07 7:55 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
I LOVED it. Brilliant.


Name: SmartChick101 (Signed) · Date: 06/20/07 17:48 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
its a cool story


Name: lillylover77 (Signed) · Date: 06/10/07 20:22 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
I love it. Its so sweet!
acquiesce, thats my new favorite word


Name: lillylover77 (Signed) · Date: 06/10/07 20:22 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
I love it. Its so sweet!
acquiesce, thats my new favorite word


Name: lillylover77 (Signed) · Date: 06/10/07 20:22 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
I love it. Its so sweet!
acquiesce, thats my new favorite word


Name: bloomamy (Signed) · Date: 06/10/07 7:06 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
too mysterious and james should have asked before
but its ok


Name: rowenaravenclaw1 (Signed) · Date: 05/29/07 10:04 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
very good


Name: AurorGirl101 (Signed) · Date: 03/09/07 11:32 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
Aww! That was very cute! I really liked it! The attack put a twist on the usual James/Lily one-shot! Great job!


Name: callmehermione (Signed) · Date: 02/26/07 0:25 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
Oh, how sad! You've condemned yourself with your author's note. What do you like about the story and plot? Whatever it is, I'm sure it would be more effective in attracting the attention of your readers. And I'm sure you disprove it, too!

Slowly, barely moving a muscle, Sirius lifted his arm and curled his forefinger in the come hither motion. Your description of the motion is brilliant. It's so easy to picture Sirius's expression and action here.

“Seeing as the Flower doesn’t have no father figure to say this for her Do you think Sirius would use a double-negative? It doesn't seem to fit with his background. How about 'has no father figure'?

The ending of the first section is lovely. You've delightfully captured the way the friends feel about each other - and about Lily, including what James could end up doing.

Is the second section meant to take place later, or is it the same night? That isn't really clear. Also, why is Lily living with James and Sirius, if she's dating James?

Your skin’s so white and creamy someone could stick a knife in you and spread you over their toast. Darling, you couldn’t look nonchalant if you wore parchment. This line is absolutely precious. The metaphor you used and the interaction betwen the two friends is sweet.

Lily's account of the disappointing date is frustrating, but satisfying in that we know she gets her wish. Also, the little scene with the three friends the next morning is sweet - their relationship is well-written, the way they support each other and how they feel about everyone's interactions. You've managed to capture many points of view, which I admire.

She dashed out the back door–marveled briefly that it, too, was unlocked, and at the same time thankful it wasn’t. The syntax is confusing here. I think 'marveling briefly that it, too was unlocked, and at the same time thankful it was' would fit better.

The way James comes to save Lily after the attack is brilliant, and you've written the attack scene in a way that seems to flow so much I almost forgot how difficult those sorts of scenarios can be to write! Congratulations on that part.

Minor hypothermia is understandable, at 21 degrees farenheit! However, in Britain, temperature is measured in celcius. That translates to about -5, I believe.

The ending is certainly a perfect way to sum up the past experiences of the Marauders with Lily. Their casual air about impending death or heartbreak shows just what they've overcome. Thank you for sharing this delightful story!

Author's Response: About the way Sirius spoke and was acting at the beginning: the way I had it pictured, he, Remus, and Peter were acting and talking like mafia/mob leaders, kind of Italian, I guess. It's hard to explain. And in this short story I was making out so that Lily's parents were already dead. I believe James's were, too. That's why she had no father figure. The second section is the same night. See, the first part was James getting ready for the date, and the second part is Lily getting ready for the date. And she's dating James but living with both because I wanted it that way. I remember, while I was writing it, having pause over that, but I liked having all three of them together, because they're my favorite characters. :) The dashing out the door part--I never realized until you pointed it out, that I have opposites crossing there. I shall fix that. Thanx for that satisfyingly long review. It both gently criticized and generously praised. The perfect review. :)


Name: ellienellie111 (Signed) · Date: 01/19/07 18:03 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
so cute!!


Name: radcliffe4eva (Signed) · Date: 12/17/06 17:48 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
Nice story, love the ending (shortest engagement, lol). I agree with you that pain makes the best climax, as you always wonder how the person is going to fare.


Name: A House Elf (Signed) · Date: 12/14/06 15:06 · For: Forgetting to Lock Up
Ooh! They get married in a hospital? That's romantic. :P


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