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Reviews For Can We Survive?

Name: Sinner (Signed) · Date: 07/05/07 17:04 · For: Chapter 2
Nice story but I feel like your gonna kill Lupid don't please he, like Harry, deserves to live and be happy.

Name: I_LUV_MOONY (Signed) · Date: 06/13/07 16:05 · For: Chapter 1
What's wrong with her! Oh no, now I'm going to be burning with curiousity until you update, so you must do so soon! This story is really good. :D


Name: I_LUV_MOONY (Signed) · Date: 06/13/07 15:59 · For: Prologue
So this is in the form of a journal? Interesting. I like it. I think you need just a little more detail, though; it moves a little fast. Well, I'm not really one to say, because my fic left out some details, but I want to fix that. Nice job:D


Name: travelgirl (Signed) · Date: 06/13/07 13:35 · For: Chapter 1
Is Bellatrix afraid to hurt familiy, she certainly wasn't the 1st time... very interesting.

Name: Starmaiden (Signed) · Date: 11/20/06 13:55 · For: Prologue
Yay for more people writing Remus/Tonks!

First, your formatting's a little off. Don't forget to put a space between each paragraph.

The opening part feels to me as though you are trying to use a lot of -- um, I'm not sure of the term; maybe descriptive verbs? -- the "he shouted", "she sighed" parts. A few help to give us a better feel for the action, but too many bog it down. Really, taking out just one or two would help a lot.

That day was the worst day of my life.
I had told the man I loved my feelings for him, and he left me standing in the dust.

This is a good snapshot of Tonks and Remus's relationship at this point. However, the way it runs into the next part is a little confusing.

That was the year all hell broke loose.
This line is fine. Talking about Voldemort's rise is also fine, but you mention the Order and guarding Hogwarts as if it's part of hell breaking loose. I see what you mean here, but the last two start to sound like bad things instead of just events.

You use a lot of quotes. I have this same difficulty for my work -- I don't want to change anything or leave anything out, but what it does, mostly, is take away room from your original ideas. For instance, you could cover the entire conversation with Harry by saying something like: "He asked how I had found him and about the new security measures." This is essentially summarizing.

Or you could cover the same ground with a different view: "Harry wanted to chat, but I wasn't in the mood." It assumes that the reader has prior information and paints out Tonks's feelings at this moment.

I think your only spelling error is here: "The new *on* looks weak." Also in this part, I assume that Tonks' "misshapen dog" is halfway to being a werewolf? You could insert an interesting bit about how it changed gradually (or suddenly, if you so choose).

The ending is cute, but again, it's mostly quotes. There's a lot of potential here. You could turn the sentence that starts with "After Dumbledore's funeral" into a whole scene in itself, relating the conversation, the emotions, any tears, and how they came to an agreement.

"The school term started" merges right into Bill's being hurt. Again, this is something I recognize, and I've not yet conquered it. Don't worry about summarizing the entire story between excerpts. Presumably, your readers know the plot of the series.

It seems a little odd to me that you mention exams. Tonks doesn't need to worry about exams. I think you could just mention the battle and get away with that part.

Molly was in tears, because her son was getting married or because he was marrying Fleur, I was not sure.
This is the first sign of original humour, and it's pretty good! Get more of this kind of thing in, if you can. It's a chance to give it your voice.

Good job overall! Your grammar and spelling are great (major props to you for that!). I'd really love to see you branch out and use fewer quotes and more of your own ideas. It's harder, but a lot more rewarding. Keep it up!

Name: water sprite (Signed) · Date: 11/15/06 18:53 · For: Prologue
That was a really good prologue, just enough to bring us up to date. I look forward to the next chapters!Love.

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