This has been a wonderful, wonderful story.
I don't vouch that Luna is IC, but then again, she has such strange character, it's really hard to tell where exactly will it settle next, so I don't blame you.
She came out great - tangibly soft, dreamy and benevolent.
And I loved her plant and the fact that she brought it to the bar with her - I would. Same goes for camping near a Quidditch pitch.
Your use of the language of Chaucer and Shakespeare is wonderful - a few phrases I'd quote every day, if it wasn't for my scattered-mindness.
I have only one remark!
In "parents' home" the apostrophe should succeed the S, not precede it, because it's a posessive of a plural.
Unless, of course, Arthur is dead and Ronald is court clerk (few of us, mere mortals, use the word "parent" casually).
Well, I must go add this to my favorites, add you to my favorites (I heard you are an awesome beta, but I didn't know you wrote) and read everything else you've ever written.
That was a great story there where so many thing I liked about that I cain't say them all. Usually I don't like stories where they change the real pairings like Hermione/Draco but this one I LOVED. This is definetly going in my favorites.
He he Mr. Barnes!
So. First off. Happy Birthday, my love. This review has absolutely no purpose other than to make you smile, laugh and adore
methis story =]. I fell in love with Luna in Panacea. I really love the fact you made another story to proceed that. I love back story. And I love Bridget. I am complete with Deanine’s fanfiction.
But present wrapping was an activity she had loved since childhood, and she wasn't interested in shortening the procedure. I think Christmas is a family time, and Hermione may be missing her family =/. I just realised I’m kinda late in reviewing this for it to be ‘appropriate timing’ but oh well. It’s appropriate for another reason =]. I think, also, it’s another sign that Hermione is still her Muggle born self. NO one forgets little Christmas memories from when they’re younger, and no one really ever looses the need to do things for themselves. I guess I just cherish this line because it’s so real. I mean, in the wizarding world, if everyone was to do everything by wand, it would be boring. Some people may have had the wrapping fly artistically about the room, but they would have been smudging and sliding over the process.
"I had no right? I have every right to tell my best mate if he can't come to Christmas dinner this year. It's my family!" Ron crossed his arms over his chest and waited for Hermione to argue, but she just shook her head again. Well justified. I love Protective!Ron. It’s something that’s seen very little throughout the series until Harry actually goes out with Ginny. I see Ron a lot more grown up when he’s protecting Ginny, because finally he’s older than someone he needs to take responsibility for. And I like that he’s not a complete doofus. Although, the reindeer line was pretty cute.
"They're mine and they needed defending." I LOVE the lines you make Luna come up with! They’re so precious!
"I should be there, but I'm a coward," Harry said. "If I go tonight, we might break up forever."
Harry started walking and Luna followed. "Or you might get back together." I really do adore Luna’s optimism and attitude in this. It’s really sort of… obvious. Sort of like “yes well, I’m aware of this, but are you? No? Well, you should be”. You’ve hit Luna on the head here.
Harry had had such pains for less provocation, but watching them, he just felt relieved. And finally, Harry wakes up to himself! He’d not that stupid green monster roaring inside, and finally he understands something other than the superficial qualities that ‘love’ and ‘like’ posses. Good Harry. I feel like patting him on the head or something. And kudos for the intentional or unintentional Neville/Ginny ship =].
"I do love you," Harry whispered.
"You think you do." I think, having read Panacea before this, that this is the point where we see the knowledge that Luna possesses that Ginny doesn’t. I think Ginny knows that Harry loves her, but he’s not IN love with her. You can be loved, and you can be in love. There’s not the sole kind, and I know that Ginny is a little ignorant and possibly being a little grumpy that Harry isn’t in love with her anymore. I think it’s kind of sad that she proposed to Harry even though she was in doubt of whether or not he loved her. This is where I really appreciate Luna’s oddness. She absorbs things and sees things in a different light, and with Panacea and Disengaged, you’ve caught that about her. Wit Beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure after all.
"I guess that explains what happened to my fern. I didn't give her plant food, I gave her sleeping potion." I love the simple sadness and “Oh. Hmm. Problems” attitude that Luna takes here. It’s kinda off-hand, but she cares about her fern too. Awww. I love the absentmindedness and I snorted. Because I immediately thought of our poor friend digesting the plant food. Aren’t I considerate?
Hermione nodded and smiled. "We really should. But I can't get pissed personally." I squee’d at the recognition this story induced. Because everyone knows you’re not supposed to drink when you’re pregnant! *waggles finger and squees* And the best part? This is only Ronmione Jnr. No1. There’s another to follow! Yay for multiple shipping in stories!
The twinkling Christmas lights, painted her pale skin in red and green and blue. I think I missed this one, too. I’d suggest Avada Kedavra’ing the comma after lights, because the sentence reads fine without it =].
"Our baby is eighteen cells. We won't disturb them." Heh. Trust Hermione to know something so technical. It’s such an affectionate sentence. Like… the follow up to it is precious too, because it’s really everyone’s ultimate fear when they’re pregnant - People treating them like glass.
She pulled Ron down a ferocious grin on her face. I’d suggest either ‘with’ or a comma after ‘Ron’. I missed this one, sorry. And I like the adjective ‘ferocious’. There’s always different sides to people. And Hermione has a kinky side. Cough.
“They're going to post a picture of me drooling and insinuate that we had a wild, passionate night of sex, alcohol, and fern abuse.” I love the dry, sarcastic quality of these words mixed with Luna’s serenity and genuine personality. It’s so fresh, not cliché and not overdone. Because obviously, that’s what they’d be thinking, and were it anyone else but Luan it would be heavily laced with sarcasm, but because it’s Luna that’s saying it, it’s a lot funnier because you can just imagine her smiling contently without a worry in the world about it.
I love the blunt honesty that Luna always seems to have. It’s here, and it fills up the ‘pages’ of this story. Really. I love the fluid changes from moment to moment, like each of them are connected somehow, as if their thoughts are connected. Usually with the < h r > tag you find people just go “Whoops, let’s put a scene in here,” and it’s really disconnected, but yours was really smooth, and that transition to the last scene was just hilarious. I adore your Luna! This is another fiction of yours that I chose to read, rather than was required to read. Not one of your fictions make me feel like reviewing is a task, it’s a pleasure because you’ve made me happy by writing it. The least I could do would be to write a review for it.
Oh my, it's been such a long time since I've reviewed something, and I'm glad I chose this as a start. You have such a lovely, fluid writing style, and it kept me engaged throughout my read of this piece.
I adored the hints at a Harry/Luna pairing, but it should come as no surprise to me, as it is you my dear. I was also amazed at the Neville/Ginny drop as well; another pairing I happen to enjoy immensely. I believe that you were picking at my brain when wrote this.
I must share, that my favorite scene was when Harry spotted Luna for a second time at the Leaky Cauldron. In particular, these lines brought a huge grin to my face:
Luna rose gracefully, dead plant cradled in the crook of her arm, and joined her free arm with Harry's to head upstairs. "It's bad luck to sleep at all on Christmas Eve, you know."
Harry arched an eyebrow quizzically, doubting that Luna intended the innuendo the statement hinted at. "Really? I thought sleep was encouraged on Christmas Eve."
"Only for children," Luna answered simply.
The whole story had a very realistic vibe and feel, and the scene changes were very well-placed. There were moments where you let the readers use their imaginations, and others where I believed that I was a spectator inside the actual story.
The only minor error I found was at the very end, and something that can be easily edited:
The driver of the bus grinned at him and nodded. "Looking very spring-like their sir." . . .
In this instance, it should be "there," not "their." Otherwise, I didn't find anything else that was glaring or worth mentioning.
I envy you the ability to write Luna this well. She's so perfectly, well, Luna that it hurts.
This is, by far, one of the most realistic things I've read. As I'm sure we all have, I've been in a break-up that hurt that much, but you still felt okay at the same time. How clever of you to write it.
I do not ship Harry/Ginny, but I don't ship Neville/Ginny either (it's kind of creepy!), but you pull it off nicely. The Harry/Luna thing was expected after the T/T, but was still done in a pleasantly surprising way.
There is nothing I would change about this fic, which is what makes this review ever so boring. Sorry!
Oh, feel the Christmas-y Harry/Luna love! Given that it’s just after Thanksgiving, reviewing a Christmas story simply feels right. Not to mention cozy!
I really liked the way you showed the network of loyalties and relationships between the characters in this story. Our loyalties to the many people we love do not always coincide perfectly, and one of the hardest parts (in my humble opinion) of growing up and learning to behave as an adult is learning how to cope with conflicting love and loyalty. You did a beautiful job of showing that dynamic through the perspective and experiences of your characters. It’s a dynamic that only the best fan fic writers manage to capture, and many excellent writers only manage to really show that dynamic in two or three main characters at a time, not five. So really, my hat (or would that by my cow ears?) is off to you.
One nitpick that stuck out at me (comma demon that I am): Luna shook her head and patted the potted plant once more. "Sorry about that Elsbeth. The lighting in the tent wasn't good." There should be a comma after ‘that’ (e.g., Sorry about that, Elsbeth.) No idea why I noticed it, but since I did, I thought it worth mentioning.
I really like how you write Luna. She’s just the right combination of kindness, aloofness, obliviousness, and good humor. The whole thing with the plant was just priceless (and hinted at a possible former relationship between Luna and Neville, whether or not that was your intention), and you followed through with it enough that it became a storyline rather than a repeated and somewhat disjointed joke that didn’t go anywhere.
The humor didn’t overwhelm the rest of the piece, but provided a nice (not to mention cheerful and festive!) counterbalance to the drama, angst, doubt, and loneliness that the characters were experiencing. It also helped remind me just whose work I was reading; Ron’s comment about the reindeer looking stoned was in character for him, but it was also a very Bridget observation. And the cameo at the end with moustache man waking up at the bus… *snigger* Again, that’s you to the core. Anyway, I’m very glad I had the opportunity to read this. You really are an excellent writer, and I feel privileged to know you.
It cut me off! I think I might have been too long or something? *leaves a second review*
More love. Harry’s reaction to seeing Ginny and Neville. He still cares about her, obviously, just not in the way she wants. I like that nobody walks away from this fic hating each other. It’s a nice relief from some of the angstier stuff out there. And of course Neville, sweet, discreet Neville. And… oh, the scene between Harry and Ginny is so sad. I’d forgotten how sad it was. And then there’s poor, confused Ron, who I actually want to hug there. Even though I don’t like Ron.
Ok, I haven’t seen the Ron/Hermione makeup yet, and I like it. Except, I didn’t admit to liking Ron/Hermione. I like how Ron finally realizes exactly what he did by telling Harry not to come. And some other stuff, I’m sure, but… I can’t remember now. Except the ending. I like that. And, to part on a constructive note, you have an error: "Looking very spring-like their sir.”
*hugs* *looks at monster-reviews* *hugs again*
First of all, I love the title. It fit’s the story well - because it jumps all over the place, because Ginny and Harry break up, and because everything with Luna is a bit disengaged by nature. That’s what makes her Luna.
Hermione folded the last triangle on the last box so that the paper folded into a prefect Reindeer dotted quadrilateral. I love this line. It conveys a certain sense of satisfaction, and a certain meticulousness that is very Hermione-like. The happy cartoon reindeer are funny too - because I always find them annoyingly cheerful, and clearly Ron agrees with me. Oh, and this: "I didn't do anything...well anything wrong." Ron set the packages on the table and turned to face Hermione. "I told Harry not to come this Christmas." I think that says a lot about how Ron feels, the way he starts out denying doing anything, and then finally admits what he did. I hear guilt there, in his defensiveness. Actually, I think that says it all nicely. I wouldn’t bother with the bit where he talks to the owl. But then, I have trouble meeting minimum word counts, because I don’t bother.
More love. Harry and his world-saving shoes. Wizards in bathrobes. Giggles all around. And then the slightly bitter explanation of what he’s doing, which completely ruins any holiday cheer. In fact, this story is really about the people left out of Christmas, isn’t it? I mean, I kinda knew that, but I just actually noticed. And I probably shouldn’t write reviews at midnight. Ok, found a nitpick here: That was the secret to fitting in on a London street. Wear something appropriate, and keep moving like you have somewhere to go. You switch tense there. Now, I realize that the general statement is probably still true, but it’s annoying to see everything else is past tense. If nothing else, maybe change the first sentence to match the second? Did I mention that I love the way you throw in details about the world. Just your descriptions of the background people; they’re not splendidly eloquent or anything, but they’re interesting.
I think I would have preferred to see Remus and Neville introduced in person, with some random detail about each, or a line of dialog or something. It seems a bit odd to throw them into the middle of a sentence as strays. Harry and Ginny Potter's future lived in her head down to the monogrammed towels and the embossed stationary. And here, do we have the reason it only lived in Ginny’s head? I can’t honestly imagine Harry happy with monogrammed towels. I see him with ratty old things he’s always too busy to replace, or maybe spontaneous buys in a color that doesn’t match. Hmm. Maybe this is why I ship Harry/Luna? >.>
"So why isn't he here? Why isn't he fighting for me? I fought for him." That line really makes me feel for Ginny, and at the same time it makes me want to growl at her. Hasn’t he done enough fighting? What right do you have to expect him to fight for you, especially since the fight isn’t against anything external to the two of you? Why are you placing demands on him he’s not ready to meet. *growl growl grumble growl.* And then Neville is there to comfort her, which she does deserve, so it’s sad but not too sad. You’re good at that, too.
I’m not commenting on the Luna sections because they’re too real to need comment. They aren’t good or bad or in the middle. They just are, quite as if this all really happened. I am getting a few good chuckles though, and for the record I love Luna. I wish I was brave enough to be as off-the-wall as she is. I think you know my opinion of Stan - I’m sure I mentioned it somewhere. Perfect, in any event.
“Mum thinks we’re fighting.”/“She’s right.” I love that. And the rest of the fight, especially Hermione’s smile and Ron’s reaction. Actually, that’s the best Ron/Hermione I’ve seen in… awhile.
Hey, Josh here. I was very excited to get to read something by you (even if it wasn't a Reapers update), but...I'm sorry I have to say it...I was disappointed. This is the first piece of your writing that I haven't liked. I hate having to tell you this and all, but as a writer, you need to know. Anyway, my main complaint is that the characters acted very OOC...particularly Luna. I didn't find Ron and Hermione's fight very convincing, nor could I believe that Ron would tell Harry not to show up to Christmas dinner. I'm sorry I had to tell you all this...hope to read something else by you soon!
That ending was absolutely Fantastic!!!!
heh. this is good.