nice short fic. I read it after reading Harry Potter and The Battle To The End.
Author's Response: Thank you! Lisa xxx
I know you are probably surprised of this sign of life from my part. RL has just been a little bit too hectic for me. Fortunately, I still have a couple of months before having to disappear completely from MNFF.
Anyway, as part of my 'return', I decided to check what had happened with you. And it is then when I found this story.
I have to say, with all honesty, that this was a marvelous read! I really have to give a lot of credit for the incredible development of Remus' character. I know I felt it was Remus the one I was reading. And the descriptions of his emotions are really accurate. Oh, and Asher sounds like a very interesting character. To be honest, I'm not the greatest fan of OC, but I was really intrigued by her. They way she is hard enough to impose over the hard evidence that tells her that Sirius killed his friends...
I have to seriously ask you to consider writing more D/A one-shots/multi-chaptered fics. And leaving out all sense of friendship here, I say with all honesty that I really enjoyed reading this story. You have talent, Lisa :)
Oh, and because no review is a review with a little bit of nit-picking, please allow me to do so:
"Unwanted memories from his childhood flashed in his minds eye..." Here you need an apostrophe. It should read "mind's eye".
Oh, and in the first paragraph you only have 2 sentences. Just that one of them goes on for quite long. And although that's not always bad, it may sometimes be a little bit confusing. I know have sinned of that many times :)
"...at the time when they needed each other most? The time when he needed her most, so she could help him pick up the pieces of his broken soul and somehow build them back up." The only problem I see here is that you repeated "[subject] needed [indirect object] the most" too close one from the other. Try to rephrasing any of them to give more variety to that part :)
And as one last thought (although this is really up to you), I think it would have been great if you could have made longer the moment in which Remus gets the 'burning determination' to keep fighting.
Gah, now I feel bad because it looks like a lot of nit-picking. However, I hope you do know how much I liked this story. It already went to my favourites ;) Keep on writing, Lisa. It's quite enjoyable to read your stories :D
Author's Response: Hello! I haven't seen you in a while! You're leaving MNFF? Forever? *gasp* Thank you so much for thinking of checking on me to see if I had anything up! :D
Thank you! I really like Remus as a character, and I don't think he gets nearly enough time in the book as I think he deserves ;) As for Asher...well, she does have a big history around her, and a fair amount of it should come up in BAttle to the End, but not until near the end of the story, i don't think... Well, she certainly is a hard nut!
Thank you! At the moment, I arely find time to write the chapters for my chaptered story, but I'm sure once it if finished, or if I get time to write a fair few chapters in advance, then I will write some more one-shots etc. etc.
Hey, I love people who take it out their own time to write reviews as long as this, to help me with the quality of my stories. I am by far not the most talented or skilled writer, and I am always looking for ways to improve! Thanks for pointing out this little bits; I will change things I can right away. I think this story is one of my best (if I do say so myself) and I am always tweaking and changing a sentence here and there to improve it!
Thank you so much for such a wonderful review!
Author's Response: *dies* I really thought that response hadn't worked! I had to press "back" and "forward" and "refresh" until it said it had submitted *breaths sigh of relief*
LISA! This was fabulous and I didn't even know about it! We haven't talked in forever, either, but now we can because a site we are both on (hint hint) is back up and running!! Yay! Okay, back to your story... The song goes so well with your storyline! You've got really nice transitions from paragraph to paragraph and thought to thought...
"where the tracks of her tears had fallen"
Author's Response: KATE! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I am so sorry, I think you PMed me, but when I tried to get on to *that site*, my comp threw a wobbley and crashed *meh*. Anyway, thanks for the review! I was just listening to that song one day...and I heard the lyrics...and then a plot bunney started beating me around the head, to I just had to write it! I think I wrote the first draft in about 45 mins, and I really hasnt been chnged much from that reall...lol. Thank you again! Lisa xxx
very good! i enjoyed it a lot. so emotional. poor remus...that must have been some terrible 12 years for him.
Author's Response: Thank you! I like to think that he kept a slightly more positive outlook through those twelve years than he has at the start of this fic, though they were, of course, still very hard. o_O
*squee* *squee* Yay! it's up!!
Love all of this...and its amazing how much the song reflects what's going on in the story. (Which reminds me, I need to *listen* to the song...lol) The bit you added about Asher works really well too... *wants to find out more about her, :p*
Just one pick: He didn’t have that slump in is shoulders.
There should be a 'his' shoulders. :)
Lovely oneshot! :) *huggles her favourite line*
Even in times of peace, there is always someone waiting for the next disaster to happen.
Author's Response: Awww thank you! hehe yes, you *NEED* to listen to that song. *marvels at your ability to sopt mistakes* How do you spot stuff like that? *is jealous* lol. I'll change that now. Awww thank you! I have to admit, though I think its ratherstrange seeing as its my own work, but I REALLY like that line. hahaha *hugs* Thank youuuuu! Lisa xxx