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Name: rambkowalczyk (Signed) · Date: 06/02/07 7:43 · For: 3. Unspoken Moments: Spring 1975 - 5th Year
Good subtle transition for Peter where he has mixed feeling for James.

The potions accident shows Snape's anguish quite well.


Name: rambkowalczyk (Signed) · Date: 06/02/07 7:40 · For: 2. Friends and Empathy: 1970 - 1972
Most stories on the marauders focus on James and Sirius. This focuses on James and Peter. Nice touch. gets straight to why Peter is loyal to James.

I was concerned that Lily might be too Mary Sue when you made her an empath, but reading a couple chapters ahead has reduced those doubts. I like how Lily feels intense sadness when in Petunia's presence. There was an excellant editorial about Petunia that suggests her feeling of hatred exist because Lily had less time for her because she was a Hogwart's student and that Petunia missed her but couldn't admit it.

I noticed that you killed off Snape's parents before he started Hogwarts. Who is taking care of him?

Author's Response: hehe... I noticed you started in on the later chapters first! Interesting way of reading a story, ramble..(can I use that?) I just responded to the Snape question in your earlier review. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Really and truly! It makes a difference, believe me!


Name: rambkowalczyk (Signed) · Date: 06/02/07 7:19 · For: 1. What the Future Beholds - 1978
THis plus the previous chapter has a lot of suspence.


Name: LilyDaae (Signed) · Date: 05/06/07 18:02 · For: 12. Descending into Darkness (Part 3) - Spring/Summer 1979
really great chapter, definately one of my favs so far. can't wait for the next chaper!!


Name: Rhetor (Signed) · Date: 04/17/07 20:34 · For: Prologue: November 1, 1981
Hi Shelly. I don't know how far I'm going to actually get in this, but your LJ comment this week really intrigued me, so I'm starting. You know I write angsty stuff myself, so this seems right up my alley.

First reaction to the prologue: Intriguing; makes me want to read more. Reaction to Dumbledore's action: Horrified that he would take a memory from an infant. Must've been some awful memory.

~Ken

Author's Response: Hey, Ken! I'm glad you are here! I hope you'll stick with this and offer up your comments!


Name: LilyDaae (Signed) · Date: 04/16/07 18:43 · For: 12. Descending into Darkness (Part 1) Autumn 1978
I loved, loved, loved, loved it!!!! can't wait for the next installment!


Name: rambkowalczyk (Signed) · Date: 04/16/07 16:06 · For: 7. Winter Solstice - 1975 - 6th Year
THe telling gives a convincing picture as to why some people were tempted to become Death Eaters. It is also a plausible reason as to why Severus actually joined.

I also liked Sirius' argument to Lily about laughing. It gives the story good breadth and depth.

Author's Response: Yeah.. I was afraid Lily was veering into MarySueLand... so I thought it'd be good to take her down a peg!


Name: rambkowalczyk (Signed) · Date: 04/16/07 15:37 · For: 6. Crossing Paths - Autumn 1975 6th Year
I thoroughly enjoyed Kettleburn's class, particularly James' pranks.

Snape's actions were consistant with him being angry at Lily.

And Sirius' prank was such that Lily couldn't help conclude what she concluded.

Author's Response: I'm so jazzed you are sending up comments as you read this! Thanks!


Name: rambkowalczyk (Signed) · Date: 04/16/07 15:16 · For: 5. Twists and Turns Summer/Fall 1975 - 6th Year
clever way to get James and Lily together.

Like your use of temperature metaphors when describing Lucius' visit and letters.


Name: rambkowalczyk (Signed) · Date: 04/16/07 14:57 · For: 5. Twists and Turns Summer/Fall 1975 - 6th Year
This chapter looked lonely so I thought it would be a good place to start a review.

I am pleased that this story had how Peter and James became friends as opposed to James and Sirius becoming friends. It gives a nice perspective on Peter's character that he was saved and shows that with a stronger person by his side he has some courage. I also liked the chapter where Peter did his Slughorn imitation but got scared because he saw it was making James mad. Again it shows Peter is afraid of standing alone.

I was a little concerned that by making Lily an Empath you risked making her a Mary Sue but you avoided that mistake. Instead you show her as making mistakes such as when she piggybacked on Petunia's crush and making Petunia angry.

You have her friendship with Alice, Remus and Severus showing that she is a caring person who happens to accidentally know too much about them but seems to handle it in a believable way. I like the remark she makes to Remus how she will pity the girl who falls in love with him because of his tendency to think the worst of himself because he is a werewolf.

I like how you subtly state why Lily 'hates' James in that she thinks he's too immature and listens to Sirius too much. It shows that at some future point she could change her mind about him.

Also like the idea you set up that both Lily and Severus could fend for themselves and neither needs the other for help. It goes a long way to explain why Lily would be able to get along with Severus during the sixth year. I thought Severus' apology was moving and reasonably in character.

The only thing about Severus that didn't make sense is why did you kill off both parents? Who is raising him? How does he make ends meet?

Author's Response: Hi! I am so pleased that you found your way to my fic! I should have responded earlier, so forgive me. Thanks so much for your detailed and thoughtful comments. You have made me one happy writer!! I'm afraid I'm going to have to pull JKR out of my hat to answer your last question: 'cause I didn't want parents in the story. I know - lame! Yes, it would seem odd - especially given current day child culture - to expect a child to live on his own. But I'm thinking he'd have had to learn to grow up fast -- too fast, probably. Also, I'm imagining he'd received a bit of an inheritance from his mother to live on. I may go back and revisit this chapter later on. Again, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!


Name: Spartacus12 (Signed) · Date: 04/16/07 0:39 · For: 12. Descending into Darkness (Part 1) Autumn 1978
Well written again! While I believe that your presentation of the Death Eater training adds a lot to the developement of Snape's character, I also believe that it may not belong in a Harry Potter fanfic. As you yourself admitted, JKR would not have included this in her books. The whole debate over whether Harry Potter is demonic or not adds an extra reason to not include this in the story. I found it mentally disturbing and distressing, and I do not believe that young children should read it at all. I think if you include additional similar scenes, you should include also a MUCH STRONGER warning about the violence, as the preface to this chapter did not convey to me the nature of it's content. That said, you have presented such an engrossing and intricately woven story, which I truly enjoy reading. Please do not take my previous criticism to mean that I will stop reading if a similar scene is included, because I definitely will continue to read your magnificent story!


Name: misundersnape (Signed) · Date: 03/05/07 18:49 · For: 11. Invitations and Obligations (Part 2): May 1978
Enthralling, completely believable and throughly enjoyable.
He really had no choice from the beginning, did he? He would certainly be dead right now though if he had not initially wanted it. I feel for Severus, tricked by the hint of love, I hope he finds what he craves - perhaps from Dumbledore in the future!!??

Author's Response: I'm so glad you've found your way to this fic! Yes, I think the whole idea of 'choice' is up for grabs in this story - a bit more nuanced than in canon; perhaps a bit more like real life, eh?


Name: LilyDaae (Signed) · Date: 01/16/07 20:51 · For: 10. Magick Moste Potente (Part 2): Summer 1977
great chapter! love the whole bit on "the locked door" in the DoM...very interesting. update soon!


Name: LilyDaae (Signed) · Date: 01/16/07 16:00 · For: 10. Magick Moste Potente (Part 1): Summer 1977
great chapter! update soon!


Name: Sekhmet (Signed) · Date: 12/30/06 13:42 · For: 2. Friends and Empathy: 1970 - 1972
WOW!! What a spectacular chapter. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've had a chance to read this story. It really is very good. It's so rich with detail, one would think you'd stolen JK's notebooks full of backstory!

I've got to ask, was Peters mom really named Brandiwine, or did you make that up? I LOVE that name, it makes me think Lord of the Rings, too.

Absolutely wonderful chapter. The detail and imagery is excellent. I feel like I'm really getting to know these characters in a brand new way. The thought of Peter and James as first years is just so cute!

Excellent!


Name: Spartacus12 (Signed) · Date: 12/22/06 18:37 · For: 9. A Modicum of Fairness
interesting chapter...great job!


Name: LilyDaae (Signed) · Date: 12/22/06 16:54 · For: 9. A Modicum of Fairness
great chapter! those lessons between Snape and Remus should be interesting. update soon!


Name: faolan63 (Signed) · Date: 12/15/06 12:34 · For: 7. Winter Solstice - 1975 - 6th Year
This is incredible.
Wow I am at a loss for words, this is so well described and I feel very much on Severus' side. Which is a bit disturbing.


Name: Spartacus12 (Signed) · Date: 12/15/06 1:59 · For: 8. Revulsion and Revelation: April 1976 - 6th Year
Well, I've been reading pretty much continuously since I reviewed your first chapter...sorta lost track of time, but it was such an entertaining and engrossing story! The Telling was very good...gives a little more background to the Death Eaters that almost allows for a little sympathy. Peter is writen very well, seeds are already starting to be planted, excellent stuff! You also write Remus really well...actually you write everyone really well for that matter. I love the relationship between James and Lily! Can't wait for more!


Name: Spartacus12 (Signed) · Date: 12/14/06 17:37 · For: 1. What the Future Beholds - 1978
You are without a doubt the best writer that I have come across on this site, amazing stuff!

Author's Response: Well, considering the talent here... that is quite a compliment! Thank you! I hope that you enjoy the rest and leave a comment or two!


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