I absolutely loved this fic, the imagery is so powerful and the myths you included weave an air of magic. You have clearly done extensive research and incorporating it in a fic is certainly not an easy job.
Bill as a curse-breaker, I donít believe I have seen any of this before. But I really havenít though much about his job; itís amazing that you have done so much with such an unexplored area of fandom. You also describe the desert and camel rides perfectly, exactly like I imagined them.
So you thought, maybe they were marking the place, where a tomb is buried in the desert? Just like that?Ē Bill asked sarcastically. He couldnít help himself; the professor always had this effect on him. Whenever he was around, Bill felt as if he was merely a naughty schoolboy, trying to play an adultís game. The professor didnít take him seriously. Not once had he listened to one of Billís suggestions, only accepting them as good and worth a shot when Mustafa repeated them.
In this paragraph, I can see the tension between them. It also shows Billís character perfectly, an independent, strong-willed man who doesnít like being talked down to. This whole paragraph flowed really well for me.
Down here in Egypt Muggles and wizards were working together closely when it came to excavations
I like the fact that Muggles didnít know that they were working with wizards. However, this sentence doesnít flow too well. It seems to be missing a comma after Egypt.
Oh Nephthys, itís terrible,Ē she wailed.
Nephthys, her arms still around the distraught woman, rubbed her back soothingly. ďShh, sister. Everything will work out. You have found your husbandís body and brought it back, Thoth will do the rest. Itís out of your hands now.Ē
I had a tiny problem here, isnít Isis the goddess of healing? Wouldnít she have been able to cure her husband had all the pieces been found? This paragraph just didnít tie in with the myth even if it is well-written
Overall, you did a very nice job with the whole fic. It had the perfect ending and the perfect start. Except for a few grammatical mistakes, I really enjoyed this and would love to see more from you!
Author's Response: Wendelin, thanks a lot for your review. As to your questions: It's part of the myth of Osiris and Isis that she couldn't heal him and Thoth had to perform the Ritual of Life on him, that's not something I invented. I think this is because while she may be the goddess of healing, Osiria was dead and not injured. Even the best healer can't cure death, not even a goddess. I hope that made sense. *hugs*
Something silly happened to my previous review so I'll submit the whole thing again:
This is the first mythology-based fanfic I've ever read and boy, wasn't it great! I loved Bill in the fic -- he was just so... cool and little things like his mannerisms and his sheer energy just make him more adorable :)
And Mustafa seemed very real, for lack of a better word ;) I enjoyed reading about the relationship he had with Bill, how it's a mentor-student relationship yet a bit closer -- just wonderful work, Ilka!
And coming to the Ritual of Life, well, the mythological part was thoroughly well explained because someone like me (who has zero knowledge on Egyptian mythology;) ) understood the part adapted. And the idea of a Pensieve in the tomb -- genius. And the end was perfect. It opens up a huge list of possibilities and keeps the reader guessing even when the fic's over. These kind of endings open up discussions and make the reader think and guess what would happen next. And that's exactly why I love this fic :D
Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review, Preethi. I'm glad you understood the myth I used even though I only used parts here. I've known it for years, because I'm downright obsessed with Ancient Egypt and that makes it hard to decide what parts are needed to understand it if you don't know it. Before I wrote this fic I never actually thought about Bill, but now I love him! *hugs*
I loved this story! First of all, I'm a HUGE ancient Egypt fan, and I love to learn about the many gods and goddesses--they are fascinating!
Placing Bill in Egypt was an excellent idea, seeing as he is the curse breaker for Gringotts, his character was very well written and thought out (I especially enjoyed how well developed all of your characters were!)
Even though I am unfamiliar with the ancient Egyptian tales (I know gods by name, not necessarily by story), I didn't even need to read the myth of Osiris to understand. It was very clever to portray the gods and goddesses in human form, it gave them more realistic characters, and reinforced the idea that this was not intended to be a myth, but rather a story based on one.
Your passages are very well descripted, and so realistic! You are able to capture the emotions of the characters very well, even with Mustafa, who as a character in the Harry Potter books, we know little about!
Great job! As a future archaelogist, I must say I enjoyed that aspect of the story, it is an incredibly fun and fascinating field! Nice characterization, plot, and incorporation of myth!
Author's Response: Thanks for your review, Katie. Mustafa is actually my first ever OC and I'm quite suprised he turned out so well, at least I guess he turned out well as people seem to really like him.^^ I'm glasd you liked the story, it was a lot of fun to write.
This is the first mythology-based fanfic I've ever read and boy, wasn't it great! I loved Bill in the fic -- he was just so... cool and little things like his mannerisms and his energy just make him more adorable :)
And Mustafa seemed very real, for lack of a better word;) I enjoyed reading about the relationship he had with Bill -- just wonderful work, Ilka!
And coming to the Ritual of Life, well, the mythological part was thoroughly well explained because someone like me (who has zero knowledge on Egyptian mythology;) ) understood the part adapted. And the idea of a Pensieve in the tomb -- genius. And the end was perfect. It opens up a huge list of possibilities and keeps the reader guessing even when the fic's over. These kind of endings open up discussions and make the reader think and guess what would happen next. And that's exactly why I
Author's Response: *giggles* Real comment after your finished review, dear. *hugs*
Excellent job! Bill is one of my favourite characters, and there definitely aren't enough fics on this site that give Bill a good part. (And, of course, I'm a bit of a fanatic about ancient Egypt, so I was very excited to see this story.)
You seem to know a lot about the subject and the enviroment (for example, the names and descriptions), which is great, because a lot of fanfiction authors (including me) will sort of invent their own England or Egypt or Romania or whatever without actually doing research on it. You incorporated the myth into the story very well, although I think it would really confuse people who don't know the original story.
I liked your writing style, like in sentences such as "he shot Bill a scathing look, as if he was the personification of every bad quality young people possessed."
Your characterization is great-- especially that of Bill-- and I like Mustafa. The way you depicted Bill as being intelligent and capable while also showing him as obviously young and rather rambunctious was very well-handled.
There were a few places where the punctuation was a little off, such as: ďSo you thought, maybe they were marking the place, where a tomb is buried in the desert? Just like that?Ē But all in all, it was a great story! Keep writing!
Author's Response: Thanks for such a brilliant review, Schmergo! I adore Ancient Egypt, too, and did quite a bit of research to get the environment and stuff right, quizzed my mum about every tiny detail she can remember, because she's been in Gizah before. Even though the myth isn't all that clear from the two short scenes I incorporated, I home at least the basic idea is understandable. Thanks again.
Wow! I love what you did with the prompt. I was completely caught of guard with the pensive, but it really was a good way to incorporate a HP character we know and love with the mysteries of the past.
The sun was beating down ruthlessly as the small group of riders made their way across the desert. Already Bill was drenched in sweat, but his elation knew no bounds. He knew this day would reveal something monumental, he could feel it in his bones.
I like how you started the this story with this paragraph. You can feel Bill's ancipation, and you get excited and curious, too but. Nice why of hooking in your readers from the start.
I like how you portrayed Bill. He really is a smart man, but because of his nature it is easy for people to overlook and you showed that with Professor Anderson. Bill has that youthful, almost reckless energy that shown well, too. Good job with charactization.
My only complaint is that this has to be a one-shot, so Bill can't explore more of Ancient Egypt in the pensive.
Author's Response: Thank you. Bill was fun to write and I'm glad you liked the way I wrote him, we really don't know much about him before he came back to Britain and I tried to give him a personality that fit in with the rest of the Weasleys while still making him his own character.