Reviewer: kehribar
Date: 11/03/06 6:50
Chapter: Shattered Illusions

It certainly is not "utterly rubbish", don't even think of such a thing! It is believeable, indeed. But I think it can be improved. You see, you're attempting to write one of the most emotional and trumatic scenes in HP-verse. I think your fic is really good, but it's really short for such an intense position. At this stage, it looks like the skeleton of your real story. There are lots of thoughts and feelings and emotion that can be filled in between the lines. For example, the beginning is great: Snape breaks into a run, in the shock of understanding his fault. That part's very good, I think. The rest of the story could be "filled in" as such, if you know what I mean.

So, overall, I think it's a very sound and solid foundation on which you can definitely build miracles.

Author's Response: Thank you for your comments :) I know it's a bit short but I wasn't sure what to write if you know what I mean and sometimes it can be more effective to write less...but I dunno lol thanks

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Blaise Inglorious by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
Ginny is stuck at Hogwarts while Harry, Ron, and Hermione are on the run. Blaise...
A Sackful of Holiday Horsefeathers by Piwakitt 3rd-5th Years
This story has a bit of everything in it. Humor, romance, Slytherin schemes...
Get Older by ellie oh 6th-7th Years
Lily is having something of a breakdown, unsure of where she fits as graduation...
FEATURED
Tarot by DeadManSeven 3rd-5th Years
A reading that consists of only cards from the Major Arcana indicates the destiny...
Rat by DragonDi 6th-7th Years
The Potters' Secret Keeper, Sirius Black, is presumed dead. Remus Lupin wants...
The Ruin by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Even in its abandonment and slow disintegration, it retains its power to destroy...
CATEGORIES